Ok, I am going to tell this story once, and probably delete it after I have had some sleep, but I can't fucking get it out of my head after seeing "Dennis's Diner"
This then, is the real true story that literally none of the people either my wife or I are related to know, the story of how we actually met.
See, the lie we tell everyone varies from being that we met on Match.com (which I have never actually been to) to that we met on an english forum when talking about books, (which seriously, who the fuck believes that?) The real story is as follows.
See, I was dating this lazy lying Cunt, we'll call her LLC for short. Now, LLC had gone and gotten herself pregnant, which considering I shoot blanks, is quite a feat. (we did have an open relationship, so more stupidity than anything) We had moved away from the bottom I used to play with in Montana, and back to Utah, to be closer to the family for when the baby arrived. I knew the kid probably wasn't mine, but I also knew it was about my best chance to be a father, so I was going to do whatever it took to be the best dad ever, I just refused to marry LLC.
Now when we got to Utah we lived here together for about 2 years, in that time she was employed for about 5 months, and managed to quit 9 jobs, for various reasons, my favorite being "It's too far" for a job that was literally, across the fucking street. I had paid for a full-time babysitter for the kiddo, (who is about the most adorable little girl ever) so LLC just kinda vegged around the house all day, making shit messy and fucking random guys and gals.
It was at this time that I found a site that had the most fun forum I was ever apart of. CM. CM is a very adult-orientated site, that caters to people who enjoy a bit more than vanilla in their lives. It is there that I actually met Lily, who tracked me down and stalked my profile there for about 2 months before sending me a message. That message started about a month of messaging back and forth, phone calls that lasted 4-5 hours, and video chat sessions the details of which cannot be revealed here. LLC knew I was replacing her, I had told her about a week before Lily first contacted me that as far as I was concerned, the only reason she lived in my house was so that I could make sure that my daughter was fed and clothed. (right after finding out that she had been planning to leave to go fuck some 50 year old dude on his boat for a few months) 2 weeks later, she left.
Once that month was over, I was on a plane to pick Lily up in Connecticut. I flew down and we rented a van, packed as much of her shit as we could and drove back to Utah. Since that time we have never spent more than 18 hours apart from each other, and haven't wanted to.
That was 4 years ago last September.