T1CG: Hello everyone!! It is I, That One Creepy Guy, remember?? Im the guy that stands in your front yard staring through your front windows for hours on end.. Well im happy to welcome you back to our third episode in syndication and tonight's show is our night of champions!! Yay!! We have EWNCW Heavyweight champion and also my doppelganger, Kevin Matthews!! We also have former EWNCW World Champion and JBW Warfare's General Manager, Mr. Manabu Nanahara!! FSA!! FSA!! And this will be our first night ever to bring on three guests and our mystery guest tonight will headline the show, right here in the studio with our audience!! YAY!! *T1CG runs through the chairs full of toys and picks up his K-Jammin plush toy and mimics a dog humping the toy from the backside, he then spins around and sets the K-Jammin toy back on the seat, pats the toy on the head and runs back to the main area* Also we will bring on the box of mystery for our mystery guest tonight but right now we have to get to the "Creepy Guy Of The Week" award!! *pumps fist* You know one thing really characterizes a creepy human being, and that is a creepy stare.. I stare at single mothers at the grocery store, children without parental supervision at public parks, and people I sit behind during public transit.. So this award goes to a man in Bangladesh that holds this very characteristic by the tee..
I love the mustache twitch and the yelp, imagine this technique being used for courting lovers.. The only option would be to take sex by force, just like I always do *half smiles at the camera*.. But yes lemme get to our first guest of our night of champions, the current EWNCW World champ, Kevin Matthews!! YAY!! You guys will all have a hard time wondering which one is which, since we look alike so much.. So we're gonna take it to Mr. Matthews' home in the rafters at EWNCW arena!! ROLL THE TAPE!!
*the setting is in the rafters of the EWNCW arena, we got T1CG sitting next to an offended Kevin Matthews*
T1CG: Hello everyone, its That One Creepy Guy again!! Yay!! We are here with EWNCW champion Kevin Matthews up at his home in the rafters of EWNCW arena!! So exciting!!
Matthews: Are you also blind, deaf and dumb? I dont live here so why did you bring me up here? I swear the next time you drag my ass up here, I'll snap your arm like a twig.
T1CG: Oooh the champ is aggressive, and I love it!! Did you know that people always say we look alike??
Matthews: If I hear one person say that, I will literally hurt them. Next question.
T1CG: You say tomato, I say tomah-to.. But whenever someone turns around when I follow them in dark alleys and hallways they yell "Kevin Matthews!!"
Matthews: WILL YOU SHUT UP!
T1CG: I beg to differ, you should understand that all my victims of sexual crimes think they're actually being violated by Kevin Matthews.. Why do you think I avoid jail and your lawyer being so busy all the time??
Matthews: I swear to God, my patience is wearing thin with you, next question or the segment ends right now!
T1CG: Id rather you hurt me and answer my questions, but I will play this game you ask for.. Your first topic is JBW
Matthews: Heard of them, I wish them well
T1CG: Can you wish me a pocket vagina?? The kind that self moisturizes and vibrates?? I would use crunchy peanut butter for lubricant.. Oh yes that would be quite the sensation.. But lets speak of your next topic Shuriken Blade
T1CG: I think you're a liar also, I mean how can you deny the fact the we are mirror images of each other *makes goofy grin at Kevin Matthews* but what are your feelings about SilverCena??
T1CG: SilverCena, the rapping hyena, name of a precious metal and a great warrior as he would so say.. Ive heard he understands the consequences of gang rape as he was tricked by a homosexual gang in Silverbury, Silverado.. They told him this is how you rap and put multiple fleshy mic-like objects in his face..
Matthews: Never heard of the guy..
T1CG: Well I know you've heard of our next topic, Solla Mafoai
Matthews: Soon to be fresh meat
T1CG: Speaking of fresh meat your next topic is how you feel about the fact that I have a 3 inch penis
Matthews: *cracks knuckes* you sure you wanna keep going
T1CG: Its like a mushroom in a fur forest resting above two saggy boulders.. You act like you dont know, we're twins remember??
Matthews: Who the hell hired you? *Points to someone backstage* Was it you? What did he do to get this job? My agent is fired after this!
T1CG: *gives Kevin Matthews a disappointed look* Fooey.. You're next topic is Panda Massacre
Matthews: Good looking, but cost my shot too many times, look at me now!
T1CG: The only shots she cost me are money shots, ask my keyboard and mouse when I visit her fan site, you can even ask my jizz rag or my jar full of collected sperm from masturbations of Christmas past.. Now your next topic comes from your past and its Psycho Siaki
Matthews: Seen his work, I'll be waiting
T1CG: Im always waiting, well until I actually open the jacket and expose myself inside the church ceremony.. It gets me quite aroused and the crowd's reaction makes me climax instantly like a flash of milky white lightning.. Tommy Thunder is next
Matthews: One hell of a guy!
T1CG: He may be a hell of a guy but he's never been a guy from hell.. You know my mother is a jackal right, and look at the three 6's on the back of my neck.. That's a birth mark.. But what do you know of omens, bah.. Who is Mark Dimension to Kevin Matthews??
Matthews: Is that the creep who follows me in my locker room? I'm surprised he's not fired!
T1CG: So this Mark Dimension and I have quite the similarities.. I love to follow men through the locker room.. Maybe Mr. Dimension confused you for me.. Next topic is The Beard Of Zeus
Matthews: Great tag team competitor!
T1CG: Maybe me and this Beard fellow could tag team you in a kiddy pool full of ky-jelly, *points at Matthews and smiles at him* you know you'd love it.. Well I really want to thank EWNCW World Champ for coming on the show, and welcoming us to his home the rafters..
Matthews: You're not welcome and you owe an hour of my life back, and before I go, I come from Detroit, not the rafters!
T1CG: *chuckles* We look so much alike, I bet everyone that's watching cant tell who is who *chuckles more*.
Matthews: You said this one too many times, if people think we look that much alike, let me give you a little makeover to look like the champ!
*Kevin Matthews pushes T1CG off the rafters and he falls face first into the seating area*
Camera guy Uncle Stinky Fingers: Since you pushed our host Mr. Matthews, then you're gonna have to wrap it up and tell us to bring back it to the studio!!
Matthews: Fine, back to the studio audience blah blah blah, HEY YOU'RE STILL FILMING ME! CUT THAT THING OFF! *Kevin Matthews then pushes Uncle Stinky Fingers down the rafters* Goodnight assholes *then we are brought back to T1CG with the studio audience*
T1CG: Little did my twin brother Kevin Matthews know that me and Uncle Stinky Fingers are made of pure cartilage and we heal quite swiftly.. All I need is a few drops of baby tears then bam boom we're on and ticking.. I always keep a bottle of baby tears in hand from all the babies I collect.. They're all ok, I stuff them like animals so theyll be cute forever.. Now what we have coming up next is our Music Video Moment and its based on the gift that just doesnt stop giving.. Let's get to the video now!!