T1CG: *starts singing the Transformers cartoons theme song melody* Japanese people!! More than meets the eye!! You know all their women have sideways vaginas.. Believe me Ive seen it.. But right now I think its time to bring out our mystery guest!! EWNCW International Champion and HWA World Champion, thats right he holds two titles in two seperate feds, Mr. Tommy Thunder!!! Thunder!! YAY!! *claps frantically* Oh this audience loves you!!
TT: What the hell, this isn't a live audience!! There's only a bunch of stuffed toys here!! Where the hell are my VIP's?!?! You SAID that they'd be here!!!
T1CG: Im glad that you can reach out to the audience like that Mr. Thunder.. Thunder.. I bet thats why you're such a success in the places you are now.. Ive always been amazed by the armpit sweat you build up through your t-shirts when you do your promos.. Best armpit sweat from the best at promos..
TT: Hell, I do go through a few t-shirts don't!! I'm always getting calls from deodorant companies, they all want me in their ads!! But like you said, thanks to my epic promo cutting, I've gone on to become a multiple time champion. In EWNCW I was the firs EVER crowned champ when I won the Forum title waaaay back at our very first ppv. And now, I'm the International champion, and not only that, the longest reigning International champion!! And if that ain't enough!! I'm also the current World champion in HWA!! And for the record, I was also the first ever champion in that company too!! How many other guys here can say that?!?! And it's all thanks to all those sweaty t-shirts!! But not even a creepy guy like you can even reach the greatness of my perspiration!!
T1CG: I totally agree, I bought one of your sweated on shirts at an auction and I smell it every night.. It smells like greatness.. It is my Friday night jizz rag for my Friday night one man circle jerk..
TT: What?! On one hand I can take that as a compliment, but that's just creepy man!! Anyway, Im here for the speed shoot, so lets get out of your grandma's basement and get to the point!!
T1CG: Well to the people in the audience that are new, the speed shoots are ten topics..
TT: Jesus man, do we really need to explain?! I mean the people out there aren't idiots!!... Well, some of them are... But I'm sure they can get the gist of what we're doing here, so please, pretty pretty please with cherries on top, can we get on with it?! And If you're good, I'll buy you a lollypop!!
T1CG: I really love it when you talk to me like im a child.. Your first topic is Solla Mafoai
TT: Ohhhhh please!!! The Albino Hippo Solla Mafoai!! Where oh where do I start with that freak?!?! I mean that guy, is more of a freak than you are!! No... wait, scrap that, I'd say you're both on par with each other in that department. I mean that guy was the bane of my life a month or so ago. And it all came down to a Hell in a Cell match. The FIRST EVER Hell in a Cell match in EWNCW history might I add. And He was all talk about how he was going to get medieval on my ass and tear my guts out and eat me, but I ended up beating him, OF COURSE. I mean that guy is all talk no trousers. And you know what?! He has to be the hardest guy in the world to work with!! He's just such an ass!! And then there's the problem in catering every week!! My God!! Unless you get there 2 hours early, there's no food left!! The fat son of a bitch has eaten everything!! not even one thing left!! not even a sausage roll!! DAMN!! And then there's his little Collective!! Well don't get me started there!! A struck off army Surgeon and a whack job, doped up wrestler?! Are you serious!! We're having a draft soon, and I hope to GOD they put us on opposite brands!!
T1CG: Well I would clearly say that you truly dont understand Solla, but I do and thats why im madly in love with him and his albino skin and ginger hair.. But let me get to the next topic The Beard Of Zeus
TT: Now this guy I like. One half of the EWNCW tag team champions Godmoney. Yeah, I've spent a few nights with these guys drinking into the early hours in bars!! This guy knows how to have a good time and he has the money to back it up. You know, once, I witnessed him and his partner Rich Cranium have a drink off against another 2 guys, and Rich got 'distracted' shall we say by this whore. Well anyway Rich left like halfway through the drink off to go do the deed with this girl, and left TBoZ on his own to face these 2 guys. Now, you'd think he lost right? WRONG!! He freaking won man!! He beat 2 guys 2 vs 1 in a drink off!! It was off the wall!! Freaking awesome!! no, that guy, in fact both those guys are real party animals, and I'm honored to be their good pal!!
T1CG: 2 tag team mates 1 cup, I would pay for this video.. Pay with hard time as I wont give my money to see this but have them perform the act at gunpoint.. What about The Great Cobra??
TT: Who? Never heard of him!
T1CG: Well he has disappeared for quite awhile.. He's been riding around with me in my creepy van handing out candies to school children.. He's back now though ask him for one of our Arse Pops.. Matt Elder??
TT: Anther cool guy. Good to hang out with, very hard working and very dedicated to the business. His tag team with Tai Night; The Force of Greatness are one of the best tag teams in e-fed wrestling today, second to Godmoney of course! But in all seriousness, we dont' have many tag teams in EWNCW at the moment, but we sure as hell have the best 2!!
T1CG: The only force that is great within me is the force of breaking into women's homes and hiding under the beds fir a few days then masturbate as they sleep over me.. It gives me the chills thinking of such excitement.. Mark Dimension is next..
TT: That guy scares the HELL out of me!! I mean not only is he built like a T-101 Terminator, but he actually speaks like one too!! And he does that weird electric bubble thing like the real terminator too!! Oh, and here's a scoop for ya, Dimension is actually being threatened with legal action from Schwarzenegger himself because of copyright infringement!!
T1CG: That's not an electric bubble but an internet cum bubble, they happen all the time when you wank in front of a laptop hence why he is so great with that skill.. To stay on topic what do you feel about my whale sperm hair gel..
TT: Say what?!
T1CG: How does my hair look, that is topic, dont break the tradition..
TT: Well you can kiss that lollypop I promised you goodbye!! Your hair is the result of your fugly mother having intense and randy intercourse with a creepy old man that lives in the woods not far from your house. And as for your sperm whale gel, it only adds to the creepy look. I'd say you'd be a good fit in any hairstyle catalogue. How's that?
T1CG: Why thank you, whale sperm for hair gel makes quite the creepy look.. You wouldn't imagine what I had to do to get sperm from the whale but that doesn't matter now.. Your next topic HWA is what matters..
TT: HWA does indeed matter. It matters because I am it's champion. It matters because it gives me a chance to express a different side of me. HWA allows me to be superior to all other members of the roster because there is nobody on that roster that is in my league. Do you understand what I'm saying to you right now? I am the best in that company at what I do, and I am going to be the HWA World champion for as long as I say I will be.
T1CG: Billy Mccoy??
TT: Now this is a tough one. That guy has really earned my respect since he came into EWNCW, and I know that he respects me back. But there's one thing that bugs me about him. He won't stop chasing my title. I've beaten him before, and he's now in the hunt looking for another show. Now there's showing respect, and there's drawing a line. And I'm very close to drawing several lines between Billy McCoy and my International championship.
T1CG: I say instead of drawing lines you should draw different sized penises.. Then you post them all over your ceiling and walls like I do in my bedroom.. Inspiration indeed!! Does the JBW mean anything to you??
TT: Haha!! Yeah, I've been critical of that place in the past!! But honestly, I have a TON of respect for JBW. I think that they have a very good, well structured, well run company going there. But what they don't have is the talent. They don't have 'The Great Pharaoh' Seth Ferrell. They don't have 'The Definition of Cool' DJ Black. They don't have 'The Instant Classic' Kevin Matthews. They don't have Shuriken. But, my creepy little friend, most importantly of all, they don't have the 'Must see MVP'; 'The Storm' Tommy Thunder!! Now, I'm an EWNCW original, and I have no plans on leaving anytime soon. BUT, if the opportunity to cross the line so to speak were to arise, then I can't say that I wouldn't seriously consider an offer from JBW. And I mean that.