Christopher Pentalion: Good evening folks and welcome to Monday night Rage as we sit just under a week away from our next ppv; Rise from the Ashes!! Already confirmed for Sunday is The Beard of Zeus taking on K-Jammin for the EWNCW Championship! A chance for TBOZ to reclaim his holly grail, but with Jman now on the scene, what does that mean for both men? What is his game? Last week we saw him bailing on K-Jam in a tag team match against TBOZ and Bodom.
Speaking of which, Bodom if you remember was viciously attacked by a frustrated K-Jammin last week, and unfortunately is not here this week, as heâ€™s recuperating from his injuries. But have no fear, I have a more than able replacement sat next to me here! So, questions to be asked, and the answers we hope weâ€™ll get tonight. But what do you think Bodom?
*The camera pans to the seat next to Chris Pentalion to reveal an inflateable dummy resembling Bodom, all suited up in the chair*
CP: Interesting, thanks for that insight Bodom!
Iâ€™m really going to enjoy tonight!
CP: What the.....
*A familiar tune rings out through the arena, and EWNCW anchorman Dick Thompson emerges atop of the ramp wearing one of his trademark burgundy suits, waving to the crowd, soaking in the reaction, before continuing down the ramp*
CP: Well itâ€™s EWNCW anchorman Dick Thompson, but I wasnâ€™t aware that he was going to be joining us here!
*Thompson, after shaking hands with various people along the ramp, instead of entering the ring, continues around the ring, continuing to shake some outstretched hands, and walks to the commentary table. He then grabs the Bodom dummy before tossing it behind him into the crowd and sitting down in the seat, and puts on a headset*
Dick Thompson: Thank you, thank you everyone!
Now, onto business. Welcome everyone to Monday night Rage!! Iâ€™m EWNCW anchorman Dick Thompson, and Iâ€™m kind of a big deal!! Iâ€™m here tonight to call the action in the absence of EWNCW legend Bodom! Allongside me here is some guy...... who are you again?
CP: Umm... Iâ€™m...
DT: It doesnâ€™t matter who you are!! Itâ€™s taking part that counts! Now sit back and leave this tothe professionals kid!!
CP: But Iâ€™m....
DT: I know, you wish you were me, but Iâ€™m afraid thatâ€™s just not possible.
Ahh, my scotch!
*Thompson pulls up a bottle of scotch from under the table, and after tossing the water out of the glass on the table, he pours himself a tall one.*
DT: Now! Letâ€™s get this show on the road!!
DT: Ahaaa!! Here comes the newboy!! So many questions from what happened last week!! If you missed it folks, last week we saw Jman bailing on...
CP: Dick!! Iâ€™ve already said this!!
DT: Ok, now thatâ€™s not very professional. Iâ€™m a professional man, and I demand that someone from the back brings out a co-commentator that knows how to work in a professional manner!!
CP: Dick, I AM your co-commentator! Chris Pentalion?
DT: Chris who?
CP: Pentalion! Iâ€™m out here ever week with Bodom!! Do you even watch EWNCW?!
DT: Ohhh, itâ€™s you!! You look different on the television! Cameras make people look so much better!
And in that case, right now, I look.... dashing!
CP: Jeez.... back to the action, Jmanâ€™s coming to the ring here, Iâ€™m hoping we get some answers to what happened last week. What about you Dick?
DT: This man bailed on his partner last week!! An outrage!!
CP: Right, well letâ€™s see what he has to say.
*To what can only be described as a spilt reaction, Jman makes his way down the ramp and into the ring. The multi-time world champion takes a seat on the top rope farthest from the ramp and has a stagehand give him a mic. Jman doesn't bother waiting for the buzzing crowd to quiet down, he just talks right over them.*
Jman: I know, I know, you all want answers, right?
*A "Yes!" chant breaks out at Jman's question.*
Jman: Right. Well, it's simple. I'm not doing any favors for anybody here in EWNCW. Not TBOZ, not John Cleverly, and sure as hell not K-Jammin.
*The crowd is, once again, split down the middle.*
Jman: Public perception is that K-Jamm and I are, by virtue of working together elsewhere, friends. Perception, though, isn't always reality. I don't like K-Jamm, I don't respect K-Jamm and I'm not going to be doing K-Jamm's dirty work. Heh, he had somebody do that for him once, didn't he? Look how that turned out.
*A small "K-Flare" chant breaks out as Jman continues speaking.*
Jman: See, in one place I work I'm attached to another guyâ€™s hip. In another place, I'm teamed up with a group trying to dismantle some other group. The same can be said for my role in yet another place I work. Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn in this business, somebody needs my help. I won't let that happen here. In EWNCW, Jman is a lone wol-
*Before Jman can finish, K-Jammin's music hits and out walks the World Heavyweight Champion*
K-Jammin: You know, this little tough guy act you're doing really isn't working Jman. Everybody knows you're a little whimpy bitch who tries so so hard to persuade people that you have actual balls. I spared your career in the past, but please believe me when I tell you that I will rip the flesh from your bones the next time we meet. I ain't out here to joke this week, you interfered in my fucking business and that puts you in grave danger you stupid fool. If you think for the slightest second that you will reach the top of this company, you are wrong. It's all about making an impact right off the bat, like I did. I took out a former World Champion on my first night, and then by the end of the month I was World fucking champion. Where as you fucked up and now you've lost all momentum. I'd give it a month until you're all forgotten about and being bottom of the card whilst I'm flying high in the main event. You cost me nothing last week against TBOZ so you can lose that little erection of yours. You know what's funny? It seems that-
The Beard of Zeus
*A huge pop greets TBOZ, who enters the ring, looks straight in to the camera and says "Buckle in at home, folks, we might be getting some turbulence"*
TBOZ: Right, I'm here just to interrupt this little love-in you guys are having, because I think I have a little more entertainment value than this softcore back-and-forth.
I'll start off with J-man. Last week, you helped get me and Bodom the W, so thanks, even though you are done giving favours. It's good to see a man stand by his own morals, but I didn't need the help last week, but it's my duty to acknowledge it.
Now, on to the stain that not even bleach can drain away, K-Jammin. Now, for the knowledge of all the fans, I've been visiting Bodom all week, and he is recovering well from the "beating" K-J gave him. Man, you really are something. I'm not sure if you've noticed yet, but beating up the elderly, like SilverCena and Bodom, seems to be a bit of a fetish for you. Have no fear, much like last week, I'll make you pass out at Rise from the Ashes, and I'll be doing it in honour of Bodom. And don't try and think for a---