ZBYSCO:”Will ya’ look at this glamorous spectacle! It’s all white out here! The lights are beautiful!! And man, we’re ready to get it going!”
SANTA:”Yes, yes! Christmas time is my most WONDERFUL time! I love everything about it! *Santa smiles*
ZBYSCO:*He looks at Santa with a weird expression.* “What the hell are you talking about Santa balls??? I’m talking about this fantastic mound of coke sitting in front of me and talking about the fucking acid I took before I came out here!! The lights are amazing and I’m definitely going… I pissed right when we started!”
SANTA: “Where’d you pee at if you don’t mind my asking?”
ZBYSCO: “Right in this seat you fucking fat jolly red nosed bitch!”
SANTA: “Oh my… *Ahem* Well, needless to say, we have a very fantastic card for you fine people tonight! We have seven matches scheduled for you great people, the guys also wanted to do a gift to everyone and say what Christmas means to them. And we also have a couple musical performances as well! So without further adieu, lets get this shindig on the roa-ho-ho-ho-d!!”
ZBYSCO: “I just put my pointer finger in my asshole and put it up to feel the breeze! New York City is hot and ready to FUCK! I’m gonna stick my dick in her all night long! YEAH! *Zbysco stands up and starts feeling himself.*
*The crowd is pumped because they know they’re in for the night of their lives! It starts snowing outside lightly just as the first teams theme music hits.*
SANTA: “Who-ho-ho-ho-a! Santa sees that this match is filled with a bunch of little boys that have been on my naughty list this year! Santa needs to have a talk with The Alpha Dog the MOST!
*The second team comes out and the crowd erupts even further! You’ve seen a lot of top-tier talent just come through those curtains in a manner of minutes.*
*The crowd is literally going crazy chanting “JBW” over and over again while all of these men are standing in the ring. Mainly all of them start hyping the crowd and smiling. Jman, in a festive pair of red trunks, grabs a mic from a stagehand and takes a seat on the top rope, and begins to speak.*
Jman: “A Christmas show, huh? *big pop from the crowd* Listen, I know this time of year is supposed to be connected to warm and fuzzy feelings for people but, for me anyway, it’s bittersweet. I grew up in an environment where all the holiday cheer wasn’t really there. Family was never all that big in my childhood, and Christmastime never meant much.
*big “awww” from the crowd*
No, no, no guys, I’m not trying to depress anybody with this story; I’m just saying that I’ve always been kind of alone in the world. That’s why this business means so godamned much to me; for better or worse, those guys in that locker room are the only family I have.
*cheers from the crowd*
Really though, tonight is about you guys and about us putting on one helluva show for all of you. *big pop* Onto the business at hand now though.
*Jman hops off the top rope, walks to the middle of the ring, and gets an intense look on his face as he stares straight into the camera*
EWNCW, I hope you and all your idiotic fans are watching this because whenever this so-called “war” gets going Myself….Serra…Zeus….George…Siaki….Ma$$. ...Every incredible performer involved in this show won’t be going after each other anymore; We’ll be coming for you.
*Massive pop from the crowd and every man in the ring as Jman begins stretching for the match.*
(***SPECIAL NOTE: Ka$h was not aware of my opening for the match so, I'm leaving his intact***)
MATCH NUMBER ONE: “OPENING ORGASM”
Zeus Apollo, Ryusuke "Shuriken" Serra, The Alpha Dog, Lenny Ray, and Felix Guerrero vs WARFare World Heavyweight Champion JMan, JBW SuperFly Champion Avidco, WARFare World Television Champion Malcolm Cage, and WARFare World Heavyweight Tag Team Champions Manabu & Snair
Its The Alpha Dog, and he's off his head.
The Alpha Dog walks out, to a wicked reaction from the crowd, he cups his hands to his mouth and yell's
"IT'S DOMINATION TIME!"
Santa: Now, this young man is a walking paradox. On one hand young Gabriel has been nice, but The Alpha Dog on the other hand has been downright naughty... You can see my dilemma.
Larry: Hey, there are kids all across the world who don't get presents, and "Uncle Larry" knows for a fact that they have been nice. What's your story with them? Racist towards Shri Lankan minors much?
Santa: What!?! I don't think I'm going to be able to take working with you, Larry, that was completely uncalled for. I need to speak to my agent "Mr Frosty" about this.
Feliz Navidad from Felix Guerrero.
Santa: For an outwardly cocky individual this man has a heart of gold. He'll be getting plenty of presents this year.
Larry: Ka$h gave him an early christmas present when he gave this lame ass a JBW contract #shoot
X-Mas greetings from "The South"
Lenny walks out onto the stage wearing a grubby looking Santa beard, and a dip juice stained red outfit. He slightly stumbles -clearly having had too much "Christmas spirit" in the back- and spits into his dip cup, but most of it dribbles down his beard leaving a brown gooey streak. Lenny rubs it in with his free hand and makes his way to the ring.
Larry: I gotts to admit, if I could come back and be one guy, its him. I mean, the guy owns his own goat for crying out loud! How could that not be the most awesome thing in the world? Plus, being from The South, its legal to have relations with family members, and growing up I had the hugest crush on my sister. Don't get me wrong, we had sex a few times, but we always had to be so damn sneaky about it. Kinda like you, Santa when you're creeping into kiddies bedrooms on the twenty fifth, using an excuse like "I'm here to give them presents when all you really wanna do is cop a stare" you no good bastard you.