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  1. #491

    Mayhem 10-1-11

    Pat: Hello, and welcome everyone to Monday Night Mayhem. We’re live from Boston, Massachusetts and we have a hellofa show planned.

    Dudley: That’s right Pat. First of all we have The Great Savior K-Jammin and St. George facing random opponents tonight in the Beat the Clock challenge. Whoever beats their opponent in less time gets to keep their weekly show. Either Jammin with K-Jammin, or St. George in his ridiculous Cockney whatever.

    Pat: It’s the Cockney Corner Duds, and your assuming both of our competitors wins the match at all. Say if K-Jammin gets beat in his match against his opponent, then all St. George would have to do is win his match and he gets to keep his show. It could be a three hour match, and as long as George wins, The Cockney Corner will live on!

    Dudley: Yes and we also have a good news/bad news situation to report. The good news is, that know-it-all punk MassDinero isn’t in the building tonight, but the bad news is he’s still gonna make his mark on the show, with the return of The Further Adventures of Mass and Dave.

    Pat: The much anticipated return of TFAOMAD. We also have Chainsaw and Samson in action tonight against The Silver Bros in singles bouts. Samson and Chainsaw BOTH have to win to get their shot at the Silver Bros’ tag-titles. All of that and much much more. Well, I believe that you’ve all heard enough of us. Let's move on to someone I could never tire of seeing... Melissa Mendez.

    Melissa Mendez: Why, thank you, Pat. How very kind of you. Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to inform you all that Veni Vidi Vici have said that I may be pretty, but I'm about as useful as useful as a fork in a soup bowl, and they no longer require my services... So, yeah, I'm just you're everyday Interviewer now.

    St George: Damn fookin' right you are, treacle. Ta-Ta, love, we got it from here.

    *Melissa walks off feeling completely and utterly rejected. The members of Veni Vidi Vici, St George, who's wearing a "Free Siaki" T-Shirt, Nikki Belzova, who's wearing a "Wheres Roman" T-Shirt that has a picture of RomanFlare wearing a goofy looking striped hat on the front of it, and The Sleeper, who's styling a "Free Da Weed" T-Shirt, all look at each other and share a sly grin. Nikki Belzova turns towards the camera.*

    Nikki Belzova: *Puts on a squeaky voice, and mocks Melissa.* Hi I'm an airhead bimbo who was only allowed to hang around with V3 because I gave Siaki head! Hahaha *gets serious* But seriously, we have to tell everybody that Ma$$ isn't here tonight as he's off playing detective looking for the man on my T-Shirt... But, I do have some good news for you all. Tonight V3 will be having a special guest joining us. None other than POLLY-PABLO!!!

    St George: Yep, my fellow Brit, Ms Pablo will be in the house, and with any luck she'll keep her north and south shut. But, I doubt it, though, hahaha! Speaking of mouthy fuckers... Gay Ramming, I mean, K-Jammin, it's me and you, china, in this beat the fookin clock challenge? And why are we going there? Because he wants to act all Jack the lad and muscle in on my talk show territory. Well, sorry, china, that ain't happening. Not while the blood of Winston Churchil runs through my veins, ain't that right, Sleeps?

    *Turns around, but Sleeps is gone.*

    Oh yeah, he must have gone to do "that thing" he needed to do. Come on, Nikki.. Let's get out'a here.

    Pat: Well, that was interesting. Melissa has just been booted out of V3.

    Dudley: She was too good for them anyway.

    Pat: What!?! Talk about changing your tune! That my rotund friend is atypical of you, so I'm surprised that I'm surprised. Seriously, though, I always thought that Melissa was "V3 4 Lyfe"... Proves that they are all about business, and not pleasure. Also, I can't wait to see Polly later on.

    Dudley: Well, I for one don't have no real anticipation towards seeing her, but, whatever... Let's move on...

    Pat: I agree. We’re gonna cut to the back now where we have our friend from WARfare Todd Stevenson standing by with the Mayhem TV Champion Daniel Truth.

    Todd: I’ standing here with Daniel Truth, and Daniel, you’ve told me you have something to say about the Sandman. Would you care to let people in on what you’re thinking?

    Truth: Sure thing Todd. So sandman, last week you babbled on about how greedy I am. Yadi yadi yada. About the reason you play these games is because you want to “cleanse” jbw. About how my evil “ways” have given me gold. Well sandman, after all you said last week, I’m not buying this holier than though bullshit you seem to be preaching. I see through your “righteous” black veil you hide yourself behind to see who you really are: a scared, pathetic man who wants a MAYHEM TV TITLE SHOT. Well Sandy, you got it. *walks away*

    Todd: Well there you have it ladies and gentleman.

    Dudley: What an idiot. He’s actually trying to give Sandman a TV title shot? Say goodbye to that title Truth!

    Pat: Yeah I’d say he’d probably be an underdog in that one, but Daniel Truth has surprised us before. Don’t count that guy out. Right then, now we have…

    *A voice is heard coming from the crowd*

    “Attention JBW!”

    *Kiddson walks down the steps from the Crowd with a Megaphone wearing a Kevin Matthews T-shirt*

    Once Again the bad guy has just arrived! This time around My Voice will be heard. "JBW's Management thinks they can silence me well they can't. They never fail to amaze me not only do they drop the ball by not having me in the main event match last week but they do the same this week and put me in a match with a nobody. So right about now I'm really starting to think they like to Lose money and ratings because Kiddson Main event =Money plus Ratings! I left one show dont think for a second i wont leave another. [A fan gets in front of Kiddson and yells to the camera "steelers!" pointing at his Ben Roethlisberger Jersery]

    You got to be kidding me, You see this is the crap im talking about. [ Kiddson looks at the Fan] Who the hell are you and what the hell do you think your doing? Dont you see me talking? [Before the fan can speak Kiddson rips his Jersey off and pushes him down a few steps and Kiddson walks down the steps and steps over him and spits on the Jersey and throws it back at the fan]

    You keep that crap. Now back to what i was saying before, If i don't start getting the Attention and Respect i deserve I will start making this Show a living hell for all of you watching and every single person on roster and working for this company. That means Title Matches...Cancel, Non Title Matches...Cancel & all those merchandise you people like to buy oh yeah ill have all that sold out! And if anyone thinks im playing try me because unlike you people i have money & resources which means i have power. So JBW Management do the right thing put me in a title match & back in the main event or else!
    [Kiddson Drops the megaphone]

    Pat: You’ve gotta be kidding me! This guy is ridiculous. Wanting to advance your career is one thing, even cheating to do so is another, but holding the company up for randsom?! Who the hell does he think he is!

    Dudley: He’s the best up and comer we got, and that means he’s gonna get his way by any means necessary. You go Kiddson! Great to have you back!

    Pat: Speak for yourself Duds.

    Dudley: I was.

    Pat: Oh. Well we have to head to commercial break, but we’ll be right back with more Mayhem!

    *commercial break*
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  2. #492
    *We return from commercial and the cameras catch the Sleeper in the back talking to an animal handler.*

    Sleep: Okay how much will it be for the dye job and to paint the nails?

    handler: Well sir, for a job this big and in the time frame in which you want it completed, I will have to call in a couple helpers. So I'm going to have to charge you $2,500.

    Sleep: $2,500!?!? Is that it, shit man I'll double it if you throw in those other things I was talking about in.

    handler: No problem sir, I'll get right on that then.

    Dudley: What in the hell does this clown have planned?

    Pat: I don’t know, but I already love it! Welcome back to Mayhem ladies and gentleman, and right now we’re gonna cut to the back where The Silver Bros are in a meeting with Iron Ape.

    Dust: Ape, what is going on out there? How could you just let this happen to us? I mean, not only do we have to face Samson and Chainsaw tonight, but we have to do it in singles matches to boot?

    Ape: It was the best I could do guys.

    Dust: The best you could do?

    Lace: Yeah! I mean, haven’t we been a good pair of boy-toys for you?

    Ape: Look guys, I know it doesn’t look good right now, but the committee liked the idea of a Silver Bros vs. Devil’s Rejects match at the PPV. They said it would be good for buys.

    Dust: At the expense of our safety though? Those guys are fuckin crazy! You know that!

    Ape: Well that’s exactly why we’re having the matches. I made it singles matches so that even if one of you loses, the other one can still win and the tag-match will be off for good. Don’t worry guys, I have a plan. Chainsaw and Samson vs. The Silver Bros is not happening. I can guarantee it.

    Dust: Ape, I don’t know man, wouldn’t it just be easier to fire their asses?

    Ape: I can’t do it guys, you know that. I would have to go over so many people’s heads it’s not even funny. Just wait until they do something crazy, then I can fire them with cause. Right now though, I don’t have a reason to fire anyone in The Devil’s Rejects. Now go on then. SilverLace, you’re gonna be up first. Win this match and none of this will even be relevant any more.

    SilverLace: Yes boss. How about a pat on the ass for good luck?

    Ape: Just get out.

    Pat: Well it doesn’t look like The Silver Bros are very happy with the cards they’ve been dealt tonight, but tough titties. They say their the best tag team in the world. I say let them prove it! Well guys, not to change the subject, but we’re just about set for our first in ring action of the evening, Kiddson vs. RedDevilSativa.

    Match 1: Kiddson vs. RedDevilSativa

    HEY! Nothing you can say. SAY!

    Pat: Here come RedDevilSativa, and Dudley, apparently he demanded this match be put on the card this week, as he was none too happy with what Kiddson did to him last week.

    Dudley: I for one am glad RDS is trying to take the bull by the horns. His career here hasn’t exactly taken off to this point, so it’s good to hear that he isn’t content with just sitting on his ass.

    Kidd to the Son

    Dudley: And with that being said, he doesn’t have a prayer tonight vs. Kiddson. Kiddson is just that much better than him.

    Pat: We’ll find out soon. This one is underway.

    Pat: Well Duds, you were right. RedDevilSativa got in a couple of shots of offense, but he’s no match for Kiddson. Great win.

    *after the match Kiddson attacks RedDevilSativa, stomping on him repeatedly*

    Pat: Well that’s just uncalled for! The match is over Kiddson, there’s no need for that.


    *Helmsley makes his way down the ramp, and Kiddson scoots out of the ring. Helmsley gets into the ring and towers over RedDeviSativa who is just now starting to come to. RDS crawls over to Helmsley, trying to grab onto Helmsley’s tights to pull himself up, but Helmsley will have none of it, and he throws RDS back down onto the canvas, shaking his head disapprovingly. Helmsley then picks up RDS by his hair, and he military presses RDS out onto the floor. He then slowly gets out of the ring and picks up RDS once again, this time in a powerbomb position. Helmsley stares a hole through Dudley and Pat, who are completely speechless, and he lifts RDS up and slams him through the announce table with a sick powerbomb. Pat can be heard asking “what the hell are you doing?” but Helmsley just walks away without saying a word*

    Pat: What IN THE HELL was THAT all about?? Why would Helmsley just randomly attack RedDevilSativa?

    Dudley: I have no idea, but I wouldn’t want to pry into it too much. Maybe RDS owed Helmsley some money or something. It’s best not to pry.

    Pat: And if everyone shared that logic, no one would know anything. Example, if we weren’t about to cut to the back now, than we would have no idea why Katie just walked into the dark room she just entered. As it is we are cutting there. Enjoy.

    Katie: S-Samson...? Chainsaw….?

    Samson: Yes young one, come in.

    Silva: H-hi.

    Katie: Hi.

    Samson: *looks at Silva as if to say “what are you doing?”* So Katie…is there something you want to tell us?

    Katie: Yes I….I want to join. I thought of what you guys said last week and I…

    Chainsaw: No need to explain yourself Katie. We knew all along. We even knew you would come into our lockerroom tonight.

    Katie: Oh..okay.

    Samson: Yes Katie, we… *stops suddenly in his tracks and stares at Anomander Rake and Demonic* Outside.

    *the camera now shifts to outside of the dark room, where The Jackasses are show just outside the door trying to place a bucket of unidentified liquid over top of the door*

    Ryda: We got to get it just right now. We don’t want it falling right next to them or there would be no point..

    Gabo: I know, I kn- OH SHIT!

    *Door slams open and Anomander and Demonic come out. Catching the Jackasses by surprise, they were no match for The Apostles, as The Reject duo was easily able to give The Jackasses a little revenge, pounding into them for several minutes before…*

    Samson: That’s enough Apostles…they won’t try anything else again this week. Besides, we have business to discuss now. *Anomander and Demonic come back into the dark room, and shut the door behind them* Now where was I? Oh yes, Katie, we knew our offer was too much for you to pass up. We’ve even gotten you something to make our agreement official.

    Chainsaw: Yes, call it, a welcoming gift if you will. Anomander, bring it out. *Anomander Rake pulls out a tarp covered package in the shape of a cylinder and hands it to Katie*

    Katie: *looking confused and more than a bit nervous* W-what is it?

    Samson: Open….it.

    *Katie carefully takes a firm hold of the tarp that’s covering the somewhat heavy cylinder, dramatically pulling the cover off inch by inch. Suddenly, the contents are revealed to us all, including Katie, as she shrieks at what’s inside, because it gives off a loud “SKWACK”*

    Katie: Oh my God!!

    *drops the cylinder, which is apparently a bird-cage*

    Samson: Easy now. *picks up the bird-cage* What’s the matter? Don’t you like him?

    Katie: A..parrot? You’re giving me a parrot?

    Chainsaw: You don’t sound….enthused.

    Katie: I-I don’t know. it’s just that I was expecting a human head in there or something.

    Samson: Okay then. If you don’t like him, we will just dispose of him then.

    Katie: No don’t! Please.

    Chainsaw: Why would we want to give you a human head Katie? That’s something a crazy person would do. You’re not calling us….crazy are you?

    Katie: No! No. It’s just…I’m confused.

    Samson: I see. This is a pet Katie. We are giving it to you. We want you to take this home with you. Actually, we want you to take this everywhere with you. You will feed him, you will care for him, you will tend to him. He is yours Katie. Ahh, but you’re still confused aren’t you?

    Katie: *nods her head*

    Samson: We’re giving you a pet because they are simple creatures. The parrot will not judge you, it will not hate you, it won’t hurt you. It’s not like the rest of them. It’s not like those people in the audience, watching, gawking, prying into your business, waiting for you to reach your lowest point so they can harass and judge you. It’s not like K-Jammin, who’s sole mission is to break you down until there is nothing left. No. The parrot will be your companion. The parrot will be like us, it will be like The Devil’s Rejects. It will be your family, so treat it well and it will treat you well. Are we understood?

    Katie: Yes.

    Chainsaw: Excellent. So what will you name it?

    Katie: Tom?

    Chainsaw: *chuckles* Tom the parrot. Wonderful. That will be all for tonight Katie. We will call upon you when you’re needed.

    Katie: Okay…*begins to walk out*

    Silva: Wait! I was thinking *twitches* maybe she could stay with us…*looks around and see’s the rest of The Devil’s Rejects staring at him disapprovingly* for tonight.

    Chainsaw: *sigh* There will be plenty of time for that later Silva, but not tonight. *gets up and walks Katie out of the door* So long Katie. *smiles deviously as he slowly closes the door on her and us*
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 02:30 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  3. #493
    Dudley: I don’t like that situation Pat. Not one bit. Those guys are dangerous, and Katies always been a weird bird. The whole situation is just…abnormal.

    Pat: I agree Duds. Definitely agree. What’s up next?

    Dudley: I think that we are now going to cut backstage, there’s this new British guy that has been waiting a long time to get a match on Mayhem.. Rick Roids.

    Pat: Do you ever stop! Ladies and Gentlemen, lets hear from.. Rob.. Rage.

    A man dressed in jeans and an England shirt walks into the room. He looks at the camera man and begins speaking to him

    RR – Hello, ello, ello. What do we have here then? Promo time?

    Camera Man Nods

    RR – Okaykokay then, first promo, serious face on.

    He looks away from the camera, then back at it

    RR – Hello, my name is Rob Rage. You may have seen me on rival promotions like...

    Camera man coughs

    RR – Oh, not sposed to say that then. I thought you yanks had freedom of speech too. *sighs* Oh well, moving on. I’m from across the pond, the mighty Great Britain. You may have heard of it, it has produced such stars as No1 contender St. George, JBW COO Kash Dinero, and to . not so successful superstar, Scottland. Sounds a bit like the UK as a whole. *smiles* Anyway, I came to the US to do one thing, and that is wrestle. Wrestling is my passion, I live and breathe it. It’s the only thing I have ever wanted to do. It’s not just a hobby, it’s not just a job, it is my life! It is the only thing I have ever been good at… well you can decide later tonight if I’m any good, but it’s the thing I’m best at. I am one of the top up and comers, I’m one of the best in Britain, and very soon, I will be an undefeated JBW superstar. And you do know that. See you later, alligators. *points at camera*

    Camera turns off

    Pat: Rob Rage, there, just briming with confidence. He will be an outstanding addition to the team.

    Dudley: I think he sounds like a kiss-ass. A hundred bucks says Ka$h pushes him because he's from England.

    Pat: Aaand the controversial comments from Dudley keep on coming. Let's move on, people.

    Dudley: Well who else is gonna create some controversy around here? Everyone knows I’m the reason why Mayhem racks in the ratings. But I agree, lets move on to Pauley Cadillacs who is walking into Iron Ape’s office with Marie Piscatelli and Vinnie Bumbatz.

    Pauley: Apey baby, I got a problem here, and you’re gonna solve it for me.

    Ape: I am?

    Pauley: You’re damn right you are. You see, last week you decided it was a good idea to throw me in a match without this big gavone right here *points to Vinnie* not being in the building. Well, because of him being God knows where…

    Vinnie: I was taking care of that thing for you. Remember?

    Pauley: Oh yeah, how’d that go?

    Vinnie: He won’t be a problem anymore.

    Pauley: Good, now where was I?...

    Ape: Because your “ref” was god knows where…

    Pauley: Right. Because he was busy taking care of some business, I got pinned by that asshole Daniel Truth. You know that ref counted to fast on the pin! I was just about to kick out too, but that prejudice jerk counted me out before I had the chance. Even your announcer agreed it was a fast count. Ape I want justice, and you’re gonna give it to me.

    Ape: Okay okay, just tell me what you want and I’ll see what I can do

    Pauley: No, you won’t “see what you can do,” you’re gonna do something for me. You’re gonna give me a one-on-one rematch with Daniel Truth tonight, and this time I’ll have my own, impartial ref calling the match. You’re gonna do this unless you want about 200 decent Italian men parading around the arena every night screaming for unbiased officials.

    Ape: *scoffs* Quite a hard bargain you drive there Pauley. I like that. You got your match tonight. One on one with Daniel Truth, with Vinnie Bumbatz refereeing the match.

    Pauley: Good. You know Ape, I can be quite the ally when I want to be. I’ve been hearing around that you’ve been having some…security issues. Well my friend, I don’t have that problem. I’m about as secure as Fort fucking Knox, so maybe I can help you out. Get a couple of boys over here and make you as secure as I am. Sound good to you?

    Ape: Sounds great. Nice doing business with you.

    Dudley: Wow. Pauley Cadillacs almost mentioned my name! What an honor. See Pat, I told you that count was fast last week.

    Pat: And I told you I knew he would have some excuse. Let’s move on.

    Match 2:
    Rob Rage Vs "The Golden Idol" Matt Haze

    Rob Rage
    Finally... It's Rob Rage. The guy oozes respect, and demands the same.

    Pat: This young gentleman is someone to keep your eye on, people. He's helping us out a great deal backstage with his prediction threads, so, good on him for that. The smile on his face after he saw that Union Jack flag says it all. He's one proud Brit, and he's not afraid to show it.

    Pat: Ahhh, I dunno, Pat. He hasn't even had one match yet, I'm not gonna sing anyones praises until I've at least seen them throw a punch.

    *Rob Rage gets into the ring and his demeanour turns to one of intensity, and.... RAGE!*

    “The Golden Idol’ Matt Haze
    Time to shine hits the arena and MPH walks out onto the stage. He looks around at all the fans in attendance and then puts his microphone to his lips.

    MPH: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Matt Haze but most of you will know me for my ring name MPH. I like to refer to my self as the Golden idol, why you ask? Because I am a shining beacon for all of you to aspire to. I Enjoyed success on the British indy circuit and was offere d a contract to JBW. I was told that this company was the big time and that this was my big break. I was offered a contract and I jumped onto the next plane over here, then I arrived. On my first day I arrived here ready to make my mark and was told that plans for me hadn’t been completed yet and I was to wait on the sidelines. The Golden Idol was waiting on the sidelines. I didn’t like that, not one bit! So I took to the internet. If this company wasn’t going to promote me then I was going to do it myself! So after a week or so of MPH waiting on the side lines I got the call that I was going to be on Mayhem! Finally I got the call. Now I’m here, I’m going to make a name for myself, and I’m not going to wait for my chances to be given to me! I’m going to take what I want when I want. I’m going to do whatever the hell I want. Mayhem will become the MPH show! I know you all think that I’m just another egotist in a company of egotists, but guess what? I’m more than that. I’m going to make things happen, whether I have to take to the internet and berate this mismanaged hell hole, or if I have to beat the living hell out of the nobodies I’m up against. The Golden Idol will become the reason you tune into this show and the first thing you take to the internet to talk about after the show has finished! I will be the epicentre of JBW, get ready to feel my shockwaves!

    This company is never going to be the same again! The golden revolution is afoot, believe me. Tonight each and every one of you will get to bare witness to the start of something beautiful. Tonight my revolution begins! The first victim, a fellow countryman Rob Rage. Tonight you can all see first hand what MPH is all about. Each and everyone of you can see that MPH is for real, and that the Golden Idol is destined for the greatest glories. Welcome to my golden age! I’m putting the whole roster on notice, keep your eyes on the road because the Golden Idol is coming for all of you!

    *MPH walks down the ramp to the sound of a large portion of the crowd booing him. He gets in the ring.*

    Pat: And this one is underway!

    *Suddenly this can be heard throughout the arena.*

    Beware WJB.. Istvan is coming soon, kurwa.
    Pat: What the Hell! We're going to just ignore that and continue with the match.

    1.. 2... 3.. 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...... 10

    Pat: Wow, Rob Rage beats the count and The Golden Idol is defeated here. No doubt about it, though, count out finish or not, these guy's just put on a match that put the roster on notice.. Rob Rage and MPH are her- HEY!! No fair! Matt Haze just struck Rob Rage from behind with his finishing move 100 MPH (Clothesline to the back of the head)!!.. What a classless individual... Golden Idol my ass!

    Dudley: I think he's awesome already... A count out loss to this loser is nothing, and I think he's gonna come back next week with a win on his mind!

    Pat: We'll agree to disagree and move on.
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 02:47 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  4. #494
    *Cameras catch BodomInvader in his lockerroom yelling at his personal animal trainer for Ted.*

    BI: What the fuck happened !?!?!? Where is Ted !?!?!? I want answers...NOW!!!! And if I don't like what I hear, I'm warning you right now I'm gonna knock you the fuck out!!

    trainer: I got pulled over on the way here by animal control and they said I didn't have the right paperwork to bring a dangerous live animal into the arena. I showed him all the paperwork I had and he said we didn't have a Citizens Approval Certificate. I told him I never even heard of such a document and he started yelling at me. Then he called for a flatbed and had the truck towed away with Ted still in it.

    BI: Did you call the police and check all this out.

    trainer: Uhh well no, he had a badge so I didn't even question his authority.

    *BI pulls back and hits the trainer with a wicked haymaker and knocks him out instantly.*

    BI: You idiot, Sleeps is behind this somehow, I just know it.

    Pat: Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t that sound as if…

    Dudley: …plus with what we heard from The Sleeper earlier…

    Pat: Oh wow that’s slippery!

    Dudley: That sneaky bastard.

    Pat: This should be great!

    K-Jammin’s music suddenly hits

    Dudley: No, THIS should be great! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

    * Out comes K-Jammin to a huge amount of boo's, with the usual smug grin and World Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder*

    KJ: " Supp' you inbred motherfuckers! * Crowd Boo's! * Tonight is a big big night in the career of K-Jammin, now as you all know not only am I the best wrestler in the world , but I am the best all round entertainer in the world to. Now you can boo me all you want people, but your eyes are glued to me, your fascinated by my talents. Tonight could be the end of the most entertaining chat show on television today, Jammin' With K-Jammin. But I promise you great great fans, your great saviour will not let this happen! Im joking obviously, I think your all cunts but the fac t is I will not let George beat the clock because The cockney corner is the biggest load of shit that's ever been on television. No one want's to see a cockney wanker dance around shouting cuck at everyone, how can it be a chat show if no one know's what your chatting about? So tonight, i WILL beat the clock, and my show will be THEE show of JBW. Now I've arranged to get George out here before the beat the clock contest starts so I can slowly explain to him what will happen to him if he ever steps into a ring one on one with a sexy beast like myself. I know what your all thinking, every time I invite a guest out it turns out to be a midget or some fat guy, but this is the real shizzle peeps, no fucking around, now please welcome ... ST. GEORGE!!

    *As usual, the crowd gives George a huge pop, and for once neither a midget or a fat guy walks out. Instead, we have a pig in George's wrestling gear. The pig just stands at the top of the stage, and decides to take a crap*

    KJ: George there's no need to shit yourself mate i only wanna talk, can someone help the poor guy to the ring please

    *Out runs a member of the production crew, who guides the pig to the ring*

    KJ:" Naww look he's even wearing little pig boots! I mean, I like your boots man! Now George, how certain are you of beating the clock tonight?

    Pig George: Oink

    KJ:" Shit I told you man, I don't understand your cockney slang!!

    Pig George: Oink *Snort*

    KJ:" Okay let's try something else, soooooo you look to be in great shape ... have you been working out more in case you were to face me in a match? No homo obviously, im just asking.

    Pig George: *Takes another crap*

    KJ:" Bad George bad!! You don't do that, we have enough crap going in this ring as it is !

    * The pig takes yet another crap, and another, and another...*

    KJ: " Oh you know what this isn't working, George you have an attitude problem and you need to sort it out. Can someone come clear this shit up?! Smells worse than Katie's pussy. Im outta' here.

    Dudley: Oh man, that segment is over already?? I guess what they say is true, time flies when you’re having fun.

    Pat: Oh and you would have fun watching that wouldn’t you? This guy makes me sick every single time he’s out there. What a poor excuse for a human being. No one should be able to act like that, much less a champion.

    Dudley: Me-ow Pat. What’s gotten into you?

    Pat: Oh screw it, let’s just move on. We’re gonna cut to the back now where the camera man seems to be following Katie from a distance.

    *Katie is walking down a corridor when AngrySamoan approaches her*

    Camera man: Oh no…I don’t wanna get involved in this man. Just please let me…

    Man: *in a loud whisper* Shut up. Get closer.

    *camera man gets closer to Katie and AngrySamoan, and we can hear their discussion now*

    Katie: But they said they would…

    AngrySamaon: What they said doesn’t matter, just look at what they do. K-jammin is a bad person Katie, everyone in the world knows that, but these people you’re trying to deal with now are pure evil. No matter what they told you, they’ll always just be the type of people they’ve always been: evil, psychotic…dangerous. Especially Silva.

    Katie: But Silva said he would love me. Who else would love me now? They are my new family. Without them I have no one.

    AngrySamoan: *sighs* You think they’re your family, but in the end they’re gonna use you to do their evil bidding just because they think you’re weak. That’s why I need you to be strong. You need to join the good guys, because you’re a good person. You’re just a good person who’s had bad things happen to her, and have been around all the wrong people since you’ve been here. I would hate to see someone like you destroy their life because of a few bad choices. Please don’t be that person Katie. Please. *walks away*

    *camera man turns to the man behind him, which turns out to be Silva*

    Silva: *seemingly talking to himself*Don’t you dare say I told you so. She’s not! She wouldn’t!....No, I’m telling you she wouldn’t. She’s a Devil’s Reject just like the rest of us.*twitches* Well I trust her and that’s all that matters! It’s all his fault. It’s all AngrySamoan’s fault!...Oh don’t worry, I’ll get him, but first I need to tell this to Chainsaw.

    Pat: Oh no. That little exchange does not bode well for AngrySamoan. He had no idea Siva was listening in on his conversation.

    Dudley: And what about Katie? She better be quick on her feet, because you know she’ll have to own up to this eventually.

    Pat: Scary situation there, but up next we have the match that Pauley Cadillacs demanded earlier
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 02:53 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  5. #495
    Match 3: Pauley Cadillacs vs. Daniel Truth

    Pauley Cadillacs
    Mambo Italiano

    Pat: Here comes Pauley Cadillacs, and I can’t believe this guy is so upset that he got beat fair and square last week, that he went and bitched to Ape to get this match. You know Vinnie Bumbatz is gonna cheat for him, I mean for Christ’s sake he’s coming to the ring with him! It’s getting to the point now that if you want to beat Pauley Cadillacs, you better hope Vinnie Bumbatz is out sick or something. Geez it pisses me off!

    Dudley: Wow Pat, calm down. He got cheated last week out of the tag-match because of biased officials, and now he’s gonna get another opportunity at Daniel Truth in a fair environment.

    Pat: Fair environment my eye.

    Daniel Truth
    Television champ is here!

    Pat: Well here comes Daniel Truth, and my God I hope he wins this match to put Pauley in his place, but I just don’t see how it happens tonight.

    Dudley: And finally you realize what I’ve been saying all along. Daniel Truth is a nobody and he can’t beat someone the caliber of The Don, Pauley Cadillacs.

    Pat: Yeah right. You know what I meant. Truth has an uphill battle in this one because of the referee, not because Pauley is better than him.

    (ignore pre and post match)
    Pat: Dammit I knew it! That was the fastest count I’ve ever seen! And look, now Pauley is slipping away from the ring. He wants nothing to do with Daniel Truth right now. Daniel Truth has every right to be pissed off. He was absolutely screwed in this one.

    Dudley: And I’m glad he was screwed. Was the count a little fast? Maybe, but it wasn’t as bad as what had happened to Pauley last week. Justice was served tonight.

    Pat: You’re delusional.

    Dudley: You’re dolushunal

    Pat: You misspelled delusional.

    Dudley: What?

    Pat: Moving on… Oh wow, I’ve been looking forward to this all week! Time now for the much heralded return of something that we all have missed. By far the most requested singular piece of JBW goodness we can manage, we give you: TFAOMAD…

    Ma$$Dinero: We arrived in Italy -Rome, to be precise- with one thing on our minds; find RomanFlare.
    He has been missing now for over a week, and no one had any real idea of where the masked wanker has disappeared to.
    Not Ape, who I had seriously roughed in an attempt to get information out of.
    Not my brother Kash, who told me that he was still on the payroll, but had not cashed his last salary check.
    Not, Romans boyfriend, K-Jammin.
    Not even my buddy, Chaz, who could find a horse's hair on a donkeys backside, in the midst of a cold winters night, knew where he was.
    Well, Chaz knew that Rome was in Rome, but that was it, and once Rome landed in Rome, he had disappeared as far as he was concerned.
    It was finally a dodgy anonymous tip which had had brought us here, to the site of the Roman Colliseum, and other famous landmarks that I don't give a shit about.
    Hopefully this risky lead will lead me to RomanFlare.
    It was a big risk, to come here on a promise from an anonymous tip off, but that is all I have, and I am not one to let an opponent run away from me before I'm done kicking his arse,
    Plus, I had nothing to do today, so I thought I'd grab Dave and check it out.

    It was a relief then when I arrived at the address the mysterious whistle blower had given me, and a portly little fellow, who had seen one too many plates of spag bol in its time, answered the door with a warm Italian smile and a heartfelt handshake, and said in broken English, after I had asked him if he knew Roman.
    'Of course I know'a greatest man alive'a RomanFlare'a! Him'a come'a to my'a pizza parlor just'a yesterday! Told'a me'a him'a was'a leave town'a for Vegas this'a morning.'
    'What the cuck!!!' I screamed at him, spiting my chewing gum at him, as I did.
    'I don't'a understand'a this'a cuck'a. What'a da' fuck'a you mea-'
    He was cut off with a punch.
    A punch, otherwise known as "My friend went to London and all I Got was this Bloodstained T-Shirt"
    'come on Dave ... Looks like we're going to Vegas.' I growled.
    'Yes! I always wanted to see "The Strip"' Said my unlikely buddy with a little too much dorkiness for my liking, but I let it slide.
    'But ... ' Dave continued. 'How will we know where he will be in Vegas? I think you just fucking knocked out the only guy in town who could have given us more infofuckingmation!!'
    'Idiot, he's probably still in the air, and Chaz may not have been able to follow his trail after he landed here, but no way he couldn't find a guy on a plane that hasn't even arrived at it's destination.
    We know where he will be landing, Dave, now all we need to do is make a quick call to Chaz, and he can get someone to follow the little masked wearing, poomps of a grass, from the moment he lands.' I explained to my slow thinking pal.
    I called Chaz and told him what I needed.
    Knowing him, he probably had the whole thing organized before I said.
    'See ya later ya' little mug! Oh, and, bruv, I forgot to record WARFare, so get a copy delivered to the mansion so that I can see that shit whe n I get back ... Oh, and one more thing.. Get me some weed delivered to this location within the next ten minutes. I'm cucking roasting out here!!'

    We left for the airport about 30 minutes later, with me feeling a bit more calm about things, and Dave rubbing his arm where I punched him for hogging the spliff.
    One way or another I'm gonna find Roman, and when I do I'm gonna knock him out, again.

    TBC (next cucking week, bitches!)

    Dudley: Oh thank God that’s over. Why can’t those things just stay dead and buried forever?

    Pat: Typical Dudley. Taking the thing he fans love the most and trying to shit all over it. Ridiculous. Great job Mass! Well guys, up next we have a big time match.

    Match 4: SilverLace vs. Samson

    He's here, he's silver, get used to it

    Pat: SilverLace makes his way down to the ring, and this match is really important Dudley.

    Dudley: Oh it’s crucial for The Silver Bros. Could you imagine what devious things Samson and Chainsaw have cooked up if they win both of these singles matches tonight? I mean, if that happens than The Silver Bros better just skip town for a while.

    Pat: Well I thought The Silver Bros brought up an interesting point to Iron Ape earlier. These guys have to face Samson and Chainsaw in SINGLES matches tonight. The Silver Bros are tag-team specialists, and Samson and Chainsaw are both main event caliber singles wrestlers, amongst the most dominant wrestlers we have ever had here in JBW.

    Dudley: Well, Iron Ape brought up a good point too though. The Silver’s have TWO chances to win now instead of just one if it was a tag match.

    Pat: We’ll see what train of though is right, here up next.

    Here comes Samson

    Pat: Samson’s music hits and he makes his way down the ramp to a deafening response from the crowd. Dudley, are you surprised that Samson has continued to get this type of reaction when he comes out? I mean, he hasn’t done a single good thing since his return, but the crowd is still cheering him.

    Dudley: These fans are idiots. They actually WANT to see Samson and Chainsaw murder The Silver Bros. I mean, what kind of people are they?

    Pat: Well I don’t know if they want to see The Silver Bros dead per say, but maybe just beat down beyond recognition.

    *Samson makes his way to the ring, and as he begins his normal stretching exercises while facing the turnbuckle, SilverLace hits a low blow on Samson. Even Samson is not impervious to a shot to the groin, as he’s in obvious pain. SilverLace then pulls a pair of brass knucks out of his trunks and starts hammering away at Samson, splitting his head open. The bell rings and this one is underway*

    Pat: Wow. Even after all that cheating, Samson still won the match. Can’t say I blame SilverLace though, I know I’d be willing to do whatever means necessary to win that match and never have to see either Samson or Chainsaw again.

    Dudley: Dammit I thought Lace had him there! The ref was clearly showing favoritism.

    Pat: Well that’s not true at all, but what is true is that Samson and Chainsaw are just one win away now from getting a shot at The Silver Bros for the tag-titles. We’ll find out if they get that opportunity later tonight, but right now…
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 02:57 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  6. #496
    *The Sleeper comes out driving an ATV with a flashy looking bear in a cage being towed behind it.*

    Sleep: BI, I hope you’re watching my man!!! You just gotta see the new and improved Ted, I took him out and gave him a full makeover head to foot esse. Now I know that you started out on my wrong foot...Uhh I mean we started out on the wrong foot. And if I would have asked, you would have never let me take Ted out to do this for the both of you. So I had to do some pretty underhanded things to get Ted.

    *Sleep grabs "Rusty" off of the ATV, turns it on and revs the engine a couple of times to wake up Ted. Ted wakes right up from his drug induced nap, jumps up and looks around scared.*

    Sleep: Alright BI I'll break it down for you "Pimp My Whip" style all that I did for Ted here. Okay, first off the brown grizzly bear thing he had going on was just boring as hell. So first I had my guys dye all of his hair platinum blond. Then we gave him a bright pink mohawk all the way from his head to his ass. But the mohawk also works like a racing stripe on a car when he is running after people you make him attack it will appear that he is running faster than he actually is. Speaking about running you can't do that without feet. So we hooked him up with a pedicure on all four feet then we painted his nails pink to match his mohawk, that’s punk rock right there my friend! And so you never forget who did all this great stuff for you, I had them write my name on his side.

    *Sleep points to Ted's side that has "$Le-P lOcO" shaved into it. Sleep revs "Rusty" again to make Ted growl and show his teeth.*

    Sleep: And finally, you're gonna love this one, I gave him a GOLD GRILL!!!! So now when he's tearing people to shreds he can do it in style. (Sleep starts singing in his best Lil' Jon voice) YEEEAAAAHHH!!!! "THAT BEAR FROM THA SOUTH GOTS GOLD IN HIS MOUTH" YEEEAAAHHH!!!! Alright I can imagine that you’re quite shocked and amazed at the new Ted, so I'm gonna go now and let the two of you get reacquainted or what ever it is you two do together. Adios Amigos!!!

    *Sleeper leaves ted where he lays, and heads to the back to a big pop from the crowd *

    Pat: Holy shit I almost dies laughing at that! A pimped out bear? Hilarious!

    Dudley: Yeah ha ha. We’ll see who’s laughing once BI get’s his hands on Sleeper. It won’t be pretty I’ll tell you that. Oh wow, this is awesome! We’re gonna cut backstage now to he biggest star on the planet, K-jammin!

    *A Woman approaches K-Jammin with a young boy wearing a K-Jammin shirt*

    Woman: Um excuse me Mr K-Jammin sir, my son here won a competition to come and meet the JBW Superstars and he wanted to come see you first. Do you have a few minutes to just talk to him and sign some stuff? He's your biggest fan!

    KJ: I told them to only make that shirt for hot chicks, not skinny little weasel boys. Did you not hear what I said at ROTT? Let me dumb it down for you, you silly bitch. ME.NO.WANT.FANS...FANS.CAN.GO.FUCK.THEM.SELVES.

    Woman: I beg your pardon?!

    KJ: Beg all you want love, but if you and that little prick aren't out my way in ten seconds I will slap the tast outta' your mouth. 10...

    Woman: I can't believe how disgusting you are!

    KJ: 9...

    Woman: He's only 7 years old!!

    KJ: 8...

    Woman: Fine, hope your proud of yourself you pathetic bastard! *Walks off*

    KJ: You shouldn't swear in front of young boys, and tell him not to wear that fucking shirt again! Fuck.

    Dudley: Ha! That’ll teach that little twerp to support K-Jammin! He doesn’t need or want fans people, when are you gonna start to understand that?

    Pat: That man is a disgrace. I’m so sick of that guy. Whatever, I’m glad we’re moving on… OK, folks, this the one that Dudley has been waiting for.

    Dudley: So long folks, I'm out of here for a while, I, uh, have to go floss my teeth, or something.

    Pat: You mean your going to hide in a corner with your thumb up your ass.

    Match 5
    The Sandman Vs Brandon Smithston

    Warning- This guy will bore you with tales of how to gain inner peace.

    Pat: So, I'm out here all alone and I couldn't feel happier. I feel like Joey Styles at Barley Leagal back in '97... Brandon Smithston looks stoned... OH MY GOD!!!!

    *The lights fade, and an eerie smoke rises around the ring, and the enigma that is The Sandman makes his way towards the ring. The fans are still very unsure how to react to him. One fan actually vomited when he saw him, and spent the night in hospital for ODing on fear.*

    Pat: And here comes the reason why Dudley had to change his briefs. People, this is one twisted individual. Like, seriously demented. He's tourtured men like Anomander Rake, and WARFare's Lenny Ray, but the man who has felt this mans creepy stalker like shenanigans is none other than Mayhem World Television Champion Daniel Truth. The issue between those two isn't over, but the main issue in The Sandman's life right now is he's going to have to go one on one with Brandon Smithston... This ones underway.

    Pat: What's Truth doing out there! He's showing a lot of guts regardless. Wait he's up on the apron.. The Sandman takes a swing at him, but Truth drops down to the floor at the last split second, and The Sandman hits air... OH LOOK, Brandon with the schoolboy roll up... 1... 2... 3!! Truth hightails it out of here, and The Sandman is shocked! Well, I think he is; I can't really tell, what with the mask and all... Wow, what a significant win for Smithston... He really needs to get out of there, tho- Oh well, too late! That was a devastating lariat by The Sandman!

    *The Sandman leaves the ring and runs up the ramp.*

    Pat: We'll be back after this commercial.

    Dudley: We’re back from commercial break now, and we’re gonna move on to what everyone has been waiting for. That’s right, It's time for Marie to beat the shit out of that bitch Nikki!

    Pat: Not so fast, Dudders. Before this grudge match between these two talented ladies, we're going to take a special look at another new addition to the Mayhem roster. Somebody who is a guest tonight of Nikki Belzova, and V3. Her name is Polly-Pablo.

    A British Forces veteran, Polly spent over a decade dedicating her life to fighting for Queen and Country.
    Following in her father’s footsteps, Polly made a vow to protect the people and the rights of her beloved country. A passionate nationalist, Polly grew disheartened by the state of her birth country and began to question her future protecting such thuggish and lacksidasical standards.
    Four tours of Afghanistan, two tours of Iraq and multiple ‘jollies’ to other ‘overseas bases’ helped shaped Polly’s mind into that of the person she has become today, which does not bode well for many who may cross her.
    As many veterans can attest, forces personnel will lose much more than their freedom during their service, friends and colleagues are los t, the will to carry on is tested, members of the countries elite have their bravery and courage strained to the limit. During service Polly said many goodbyes, opened more than one can of whoop ass and saw sights and heard sounds that no man or woman should ever have to encounter.
    Dragging an injured colleague from the devastation of an exploded IED whilst the enemy fired upon her, Polly was the first female to be awarded the coveted St George’s cross medal. Sadly injuries sustained from the event forced an honourable, if regrettable, medical discharge from the Forces.
    Having known no other life, Polly’s anger and resentment at losing her beloved career grew. Taking up the sport of boxing to try and focus her mind, Polly puts her all into it, but her anger spills over dangerously and her license to fight is revoked. Dark thoughts begin to surface once again and after a near fatal KO to an opponent during an illegal bout, Polly re-evaluates her life.
    A long time ‘friend’ suggests she tries out for a top wrestling alliance – JBW.
    Polly takes the chance, delights the scouts with her confidence, her high flying and powerful abilities in the ring. A no-nonsense attitude and her ability to out wit all who appear before her impress.
    Well versed in the English language, Polly has an intense dislike of any and all degenerate use of lexicon and grammar. Well spoken but passionate, Polly’s only downfall is her sporadic blonde moments. But mock at your peril, Polly is ranked #4 in the Forces for her marksman abilities with a rifle and her put downs hit the mark just like her shots.
    Receiving word of a job offer at JBW, Polly accepts, packs her bags and prepares to fight, 23rd September 2011 – a star is born.
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 03:07 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  7. #497
    Pat: That was quite the tale, Duds. The womens division just got a whole lot more interesting. And, hey, guess what? We also have the honor of having her as a spectator sitting in the front row, where she'll be cheering for Nikki the whole time, no doubt.

    Dudley: Honor? Overreact much, Pat? Wait a darn minute, whats Dave doing out here.. Don't tell me he's going to interview her. Sheesh!

    Pat: Careful, Duds, this one's a live one.

    Dave: Let me start by welcoming a special guest of V3 this evening - Polly-Pablo. Polly, how are you enjoying the show this evening?

    Polly: Thanks for the warm welcome Dean, it's a pleasure to be a guest here on Mayhem. I've been watching from home these last few weeks and I was genuinely excited when my ticket arrived through the post. It's been fun to watch the show tonight, however, I do feel there is a lacksidaisical effort with regards to certain personnel on the roster. That can be addressed in due course.

    Dave: It's Dave....And those are quite strong words aren't they?

    Polly: It's Polly-Pablo, Dean, but that didn't stop you from butchering my moniker in order to satisfy your own requirements. Like I said, a lacksidaisical effort. No, I shouldn't think they need be taken as strong as such, merely a fair evaluation from a fresh pair of eyes.

    Dave: It's Dave. Anyway moving on - how would you propose the show could be 'bettered' as it were?

    Polly: I should assume that's fairly self explanatory. Listen Dean, Dave or whatever your name is...and all you at home -

    Dave: Uh Polly.....if you're addressing the audience at home, you need to look at the camera, not me...

    Polly: Camera? Why would I need to look at a camera? They don't need to see me to hear me do they? Or do they? W ait.....

    Dave: Never mind Polly. What were you going to say?

    Polly: I was about to say that the womens division needs a lot of help. It's weak, second rate...something I can help with. As far as I can see, there's only one decent female wrestler on your roster....and she's about to show Marie how it's really done!

    Dave: So you're a fan of Panda?

    Polly: That should be evident from my statement...

    Dave: There's a rumour you're a new signing here on Mayhem.. you say you could help with the womans division... does that mean the rumours are true?

    Polly: That's correct, the rumours are true. Polly-Pablo is bringing a special brand of strength and power to this show and that....that you'll see right here, next week....when I debut. And that's my final word.

    Match 6:
    Marie Piscatelli vs Nikki Belzova

    It's the V3 bad girl.

    Dudley: Have I ever told you how much I hate this chick? I don't know what it is... Oh yeah, she kicked me in the balls! And she's just straight up rude. I hope Marie kick's her ass here tonight.

    Pat: Ohh, you have some nerve talking about Nikki like that knowing she is only yards away from you in that ring. She's the last girl you wanna mess with, and now she's being backed up by Polly-Pablo... Even more so.

    Dudley: Says you!

    It’s Pauley’s Girl

    Dudley: Now here's a lady with class. Real looker, too! She is also the main lady of none other than Pauley Cadillacs- a man who is on the up here on Mayhem, and has connections in all the right places, if you know what I mean.

    Pat: This one is underway.

    *Nikki and Marie are brawling on the outside, and Marie gains the upper hand by irish whipping Nikki into the ringside barriers. Instead of capitalising on this and following up, Marie decides to turn her attentions to Polly-Pablo, who has been mouthing off to Marie, and starting obscene chants directed at her. Marie gets in Polly's face and can be seen mouthing, "what you gonna do, bitch?"
    Polly then headbutts Marie in the face and breaks her nose, before calmly sitting back down in her ringside seat, smiling contentl y to herself.
    Nikki, who has recovered, then grabs Marie by the hair and throws her into the ring.
    One Pandacarana later and Nikki has picked up a victory.*

    Dudley: That cheating, no good bitch did it again! No, wait, it was that Polly who did it. No way is this over, and no way was that a real win in my eyes. I'm gonna do everything in my power to get this result overturned. Trust me on that one!

    Pat: Ha! What power? You couldn't overturn a leaf in the park with the help of the wind! That was admitedly a great little match, but, with or without the help of Polly, Marie was facing an uphill battle. Nikki wins again bottom line.. Moving on, Sandman is reportedly looking for-

    Dudley: Sandman? Where? Should I leave?

    Pat: Calm down Dudley, he’s backstage looking for Daniel Truth, and apparently he’s not happy.

    *Sandman is shown backstage looking throughout all the corridors and rooms, he stops at a door that has BodomInvader in it. BI is tending to the “pimped out” terrible Ted, when Sandman interrupts*

    Sandman: You there. BodomInvader. The time for lies and double-talk is over. I’m giving you an opportunity to be truthful right here and now, so tell me, where…is…Daniel…Truth?

    BodomInvader: Can’t you see I’m busy? I have an emotionally distraught bear to tend to. But let me ask you a question big man, why in the world would I know where Daniel Truth is?

    Sandman: Why wouldn’t you? You’re a well connected man, you have an allegiance with Iron Ape, and it’s his job to know where his employees are. Aside from that you are in plain sight, you could easily see if someone had been walking past your room or not.

    BodomInvader: Well I haven’t talked to Ape and I haven’t seen anybody besides you. Now move along. I have better things to do right now than talk to the likes of you.

    Sandman: You know BI, I obviously haven’t revealed exactly who my targets are. Daniel Truth is but one of seven, and you haven’t exactly been innocent in your time here. Just something to think about. *walks away*

    Pat: BodomInvader better watch who he’s talking to. Yeah, he’s got some balls, but he’s lucky Sandman didn’t attack him there. With as foul a mood as he’s in, I’m honestly surprised.

    Dudley: Me too actually. BI, I love you man, but you gotta watch yourself around here with guys like Sandman around. Maybe he’s just focusing on Daniel Truth right now.

    Match 7: Chainsaw vs. SilverDust

    Pat: Here we go, if Chainsaw wins this match then he and Samson get a shot at the tag-titles at the nex t PPV.

    Dudley: Come on SilverDust!

    One half of the tag-champs

    Dudley: Here comes SilverDust and Pat, I know it might not look too good for The Silver Bros right now, but The Silver Bros have always been “big match” type of guys. Their record in PPV matches I staggering. With his back against the wall, I really do think SilverDust has a hellofa shot here tonight.

    Pat: I don’t think anyone’s counting SilverDust out of this match just yet Dudley, but he’s not in his environment. Chainsaw is. It’s an uphill battle here for sure.

    Best theme in Jabe imo

    Pat: Here comes Chainsaw, coming out for I believe the first time ever to cheers from the crowd. I don’t think Chainsaw knows how to react to this, so he seems to be ignoring it… Oh what the hell!

    Dudley: Yes! Yes! Iron Ape’s security team is doing their job! Get his ass! Beat him down!

    Pat: What the hell are you talking about Dudley? Their beating down a man before his match! This is so cowardly it’s not even funny. These guys had a plan all along. We should have known better than to trust Iron Ape to let this match just go along cleanly. He wouldn’t put his precious tag-titles in jeopardy without stooping to some form of debauchery.

    Dudley: Look at that little worm! Trying to fight back against a dozen men. It’s impossible, even If you are Chainsaw!

    Pat: Oh look at this. Ape’s security team is picking up Chainsaw now and literally serving him up to Silverdust, throwing him under the bottom rope and into the ring. The ref has no choice but to call for the bell, and this one might just be over quick folks.

    Pat: Chainsaw wins again! The Silver Bros vs. Saw and Sam is booked! We could have new tag-champs!
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  8. #498
    Dudley: No! This cannot happen. Chainsaw should be suspended after attacking Iron Ape in that match. You can’t just assault the president of the company and get away with it! The match is off!

    Pat: Ape shouldn’t have been out here in the first place Dudley! He got what he deserved by trying to interfere in the match while the ref was down. The match is on.

    Dudley: Dammit how did this happen? How did Chainsaw still win the match after all that Iron Ape did?

    Pat: I don’t know but these fans love it! That’s gonna be one hellofa match at the next PPV.

    *Iron Ape is shown tending to a stunned SilverDust and he demands a mic*

    Ape: Chainsaw! You listen to me you son of a bitch! I have no idea how you won his match, but you’re STILL not getting a shot at the tag titles! Never! I want this match expelled from the record books! You’ll never have another PPV match Chainsaw! As long as I’m still president, as long as I’m still breathing, you won’t ever have another match again!!!

    *the crowd boos as Chainsaw is shown on the JABEtron with a shocked and furious look on his face. He runs after Silverdust and Iron Ape, but he cannot catch them with the big head start that they had amassed*

    Pat: Woah! Did Iron Ape just say that Chainsaw would never have another match again? Can he even do that? This is insane. Chainsaw has every right to be angry. I might not like the man at all, but he got royally screwed here by Iron Ape. I just hope to God that he doesn’t take out his frustrations on someone who doesn’t deserve it.

    Dudley: What are you talking about Pat? That’s all he ever does! He never goes after the people who “do him wrong.” He goes after anyone he can bully around. Anyone who he’s bigger or stronger than. Coward.

    Pat: You better watch yourself Duds. Chainsaw is bigger and stronger than you. We’re gonna cut to the back now, where we have Brandon Smithson in a rather smokey room with Jay and Silent Bob. This should be good.

    *Jay, Silent Bob, and Brandon Smithson are all sitting in a circle, and of course they have been passing a bong around. We catch them in mid conversation*

    Jay: Yeah dude, don’t worry about what happened after the match. Sure you get the ever loving piss beat outta ya, but you hit this shit a couple of times and you’ll forget all about it.

    Smithson: Yeah it’s just that *takes bong hit* I’m trying to break through here, and I’m worried that if I keep getting my ass kicked after these matches the fans will think I’m some sort of pussy. Damn this is some good shit!

    Jay: You bet your ass it is! Now hand it over. *takes bong hit* Like I said man, don’t worry about the after match shit. You ever think about taking tranquilizers before your matches? I did those things once and maaan, you can’t feel a damn thing! It could give you an edge.

    Silent Bob: *puts his hand down to his crotch as if he was holding his Johnson, and then he writes on an imaginary sheet of paper with an imaginary pencil*

    Jay: What the fuck are you talking about man? Are you saying my dude has a tiny cock?

    Silent Bob: *looks angry, shakes his head, and repeats the same motions*

    Jay: That’s fucked up tubs. Saying the dude has a small pecker aint gonna help the man’s confidence.

    Smithson: I think what he’s saying is *takes another bong hit* I would get piss tested, so taking tranquilizers is out of the question.

    Jay: Ohhh! Why didn’t you say something fatty? *takes another bong hit* Hey man, you know what I just noticed? Either someone put something in this weed and I’m tripping balls right now, or there’s a REALLY pissed off looking exterminator in the doorway.

    *Sandman is shown in the doorway, and while we don’t know how long he has been watching, he doesn’t look too happy*

    Sandman: Enough of this. You. Smithson. Put down your elicit substances for a moment and listen clearly.

    Smithson: Hey I don’t want any trouble mister .

    Sandman: And you won’t get any if you would stop talking and answer my question. You are friends with the sinner known as Daniel Truth correct?

    Smithson: I suppose.

    Sandman: Do not lie to me. I know you two are close; otherwise he wouldn’t have shown his face in our match earlier. Where. Is. He.

    Smithson: I have no idea man. I barely know where I am at the moment.

    Sandman: Then you are of no use to me.

    *Sandman lunges towards Smithson, and Jay jumps up into Silent Bob’s arms with a loud shriek Scooby Doo style before a stage hand walks by and stops Sandman’s attack*

    Stagehand: Daniel Truth? You’re looking for Daniel Truth?

    Sandman: You have seen him?

    Stagehand: Yeah, he was just in the south corridor not 5 minutes ago. Please don’t hurt me.

    Sandman: I only hurt those who deserve to be hurt.

    *Sandman walks away, leaving the terrified trio of tree tokers with priceless expressions on their faces*

    Jay: *hops down from Bob’s arms* You tell anybody about that and our hetro man-bond is over!

    Silent Bob: *zips lips*

    Pat: Woah. Smithson just avoided near disaster there. Lucky that stagehand was there or else that would’ve gotten ugly.

    Dudley: Definitely. Heaven help Truth when Sandman gets his hands on him.

    Match 8: K-Jammin vs. ???

    Pat: Here he go, the first match in the Beat the Clock challenge tonight.


    Here comes the champ!

    Pat: Here comes K-Jammin, and he has a shot tonight to set the tone for tonight’s events. If he can get a good time here in this match, he could really put the pressure on St. George later on tonight.

    Dudley: Yeah, but I still say he should know who he’s facing before he goes out there. I mean, his opponent clearly has an advantage since he knows who he’ll be facing.

    Pat: Well St. George won’t know who he’s facing until his opponent comes out either. It’s perfectly fair in my opinion.

    Dudley: But K-Jammin is the champ! He deserves to have the advantage over St. George. He needs to be rewarded for saving us all. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, We’re Not Worthy, Were Not Worthy.

    Pat: Oh quiet down. Let’ see who he’s facing.

    It’s AngrySamoan!

    Pat: Ouch! The luck of the draw wasn’t exactly with K-Jammin on that one was it? This guy is big, mean, angry, and talented. He’s a two time number one contender for the main title here on Mayhem as well. Certainly no slim pickens for the champ!

    Dudley: Dammit, couldn’t it have been one of The Underscores or Jackasses? AngrySamoan will be a tough out.

    (ignore post-match) Pat: WOW did K-Jammin come prepared tonight! 3:02 is a superb time for the champ. I was honestly not expecting that. I thought AngrySamoan would battle KJ for at least 7 or 8 minutes. Impressive victory by the champ here tonight.

    Dudley: An impressive victory? How about an astonishing victory! He slaughtered an extremely tough opponent in AngrySamoan in well under 5 minutes. I’d like to say that I’m surprised, but K-Jammin’s greatness should come to no surprise to anyone. Is there anything this guy can’t do?

    Pat: Yeah, he can’t be a decent person for more than 5 minutes straight. I mean, yeah we get it, he had himself one hellofa match and ol’ Georgy boy is certainly under pressure tonight if he wants to keep the Cockney Corner, but enough of this lovefest for K-Jam min. It’ starting to make me nauseous.

    Dudley: Fine then. What’s next?
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 03:31 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  9. #499
    Pat: Up next we’re gonna cut to Iron Ape’s office, where apparently he’s just sitting there with some paperwork, but hopefully that will change soon.

    *A knock on the door is heard into Iron Ape’s office. Ape picks up a golfclub, fearing the worst, and speaks*

    Ape: Who’s there?

    Security Guard: It’s two guys who are calling themselves The Underscores. Do you want I should let them in?

    Ape: Go ahead.

    *The Underscores walk into Ape’s office*

    Yes_I_Am: Ape we need to talk man.

    Ape: Do we really?

    The_Crippler: Yeah we do. First of all, what the hell’s up with all the security guarding your office? We had to give them our ID’s and everything just so they would let us in the door.

    Ape: Do you two even watch this show? Do you have any idea who is out there, just waiting for a chance to get his hands on me?

    Yes_I_am: We don’t watch shows we’re not on.

    Ape: You’re kidding.

    Yes_I_Am: Not even close to kidding. We need to be on the show more Ape. We deserve our spots!

    Ape: That’s it! I’m outta here!

    The _Crippler: What the hell are you talking about?

    Ape: *packing up his things in a suitcase* What I’m talking about is me leaving this piece of shit arena and trying it again next week. First it was RedDevilSativa “demanding” a match with Kiddson. Then it was The Silver Bros, who granted have a legitimate gripe, but still. Then it’s Pauley Cadillacs demanding a match against Daniel Truth and threatening me wit protests. Now it’s you two idiots wanting more TV time. Fuck this shit, I’m the president of a billion dollar company. I shouldn’t have to work! I’m getting as far away from The Devil’s Rejects and all the rest of you little twats as I possibly can. *storms out of his office, leaving The_Underscores with dumb expressions on their faces*

    Ape: *talking to security* I’m outta here fellas. You’re gonna walk me to my car.

    *Ape’s security team escorts him to the car park, surrounding him as if he was the President of the United States as everyone who is in their way quickly gets out of their way. They finally arrive a the car park with no trouble.*

    Ape: Alright guys, there’s my Mercedes. I think I can manage from here.

    Head of Security: Are you sure?

    Ape: I’m a big boy guys. I can drive myself.

    *Security team leaves. Iron Ape gets into his car and turns on the ignition when…*

    Nightwolf: (from the backseat of the car) Hello Iron Ape.

    Ape: FACKIN BULLSHIT!! *literally jumps out of his seat, hitting his head on the roof of the car*

    Nightwolf: So your pig-headedness has gotten you into trouble again hasn’t it? Don’t worry Ape, I’m not going to kill you. Not this time. You see, you have the power to do something for my fellow Rejects. Something that you know they deserve. You’re gonna give Chainsaw and Samson the match for the tag-titles at the next PPV, and you’re gonna do that right now.

    Ape: And if I refuse?

    Nightwolf: Then I’m gonna wedge your fat head tightly in between the tire of your car and the ground and I’m going to run it over. Now I know you don’t want that, Chainsaw doesn’t want that, and I only kind of want that, so you’re gonna do as I say. I’m not a liar Ape, please don’t test me.

    Ape: Fine. They have the match. November 4th Chainsaw and Samson vs. The Silver Bros for the tag-titles. You have my word.

    Nightwolf: Your word isn’t nearly good enough. I have right here *holds up a piece of paper * a 100% official contract for the match. You’re going to sign it, right here and now. Now listen to me Iron Ape, and listen clearly; if for any reason this match doesn’t take place at the next PPV, if this contract magically finds it’s way into a paper shredder, if either Chainsaw or Samson is fired or suspended before this match, if Samson or Chainsaw tear a ligament in their knee walking up the steps of their home, I am going to come to your house while your sleeping and murder your entire family. Now please tell me you understood what is at stake here.

    Ape: You stay away from my family. *snatches the paper and a pen from Nightwolf, and gives a very sloppy signature on the contract. He hands the contract and the pen back to Nightwolf*

    Nightwolf: Your hand was shaking Ape. Are you…scared?

    Ape: You son of a bitch.

    Nightwolf: *whisper* Let’s see if I can stop that shaking. *grabs Iron Ape’s hand and stabs the pen through it. Ape is screaming in pain and bleeding profusely as Nightwolf speaks again* I’m sorry that that was necessary Ape. It doesn’t look like I quite stopped the shaking. Why don’t you go back into the arena and go find something to stitch yourself back up. Maybe to take your mind off the pain you can do your job. Just a thought.

    *Ape does as he’s told, but you can tell he’s very woozy as he’s walking as if he’s going to pass out soon. The camera fades to black as we cut to commercial break*

    Pat: Back from commercial now, and before we get to the move of the week from last week, we have to talk about what Nightwolf just did to Iron Ape. Ape had said earlier that he was waiting for one of the Rejects to do something crazy before he could fire them, well clearly one of hem just did something crazy. Nightwolf stabbed Iron Ape directly through the hand with a pen. Now I’m getting word in that Iron Ape is in the back as we speak receiving medical attention, but I have to ask you Dudley, do you think we’ve seen the last of Nightwolf here in JBW?

    Dudley: In all seriousness folks, I just don’t know. I mean, obviously there are some CLEAR grounds for firing, but these….freaks, these Devil’s Rejects…I just don’t know if he can. There’s just no line they won’t cross. We’ve been telling you guys for weeks now that this was a dangerous situation for all of us, and you’re starting to see why. Trust me, I know Iron Ape would love nothing more than to fire all of The Devil’s Rejects, but what would be the repercussions if he did? Nightwolf just stabbed our president just because he wouldn’t allow Samson and Chainsaw to get a shot at the tag-titles. What on earth would they do if one of them was actually fired?

    Pat: I shutter to think of it. It makes all of us uneasy. I know it’s hard to move on, but we kinda have to. It’s time now for the….

    Mayhem Move of the Week

    Pat: This sensational move by The Sleeper helped him get his guaranteed JBW contract in the ladder match vs. Iron Ape. The Sleeper dazzled us all when he jumped off the top of the ladder on to a trashcan-covered Iron Ape through a table. The Sleeper definitely proved just how much it means to all our great competitors to be a part of JBW, as The Sleeper pulled out all the stops on his way to victory in that match.

    Dudley: I still say Ape should have cheated in that match. I think Iron Ape got a little over-confident in that match last week. I mean, if he had won The Sleeper would have been out of all of our hairs forever.

    Pat: I know wouldn’t that have been awful?

    Dudley: No. Definitely not as awful as getting stabbed through the hand with a pen.

    Pat: Dudley! We’re moving on! Just drop it before something else bad happens.
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 03:36 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

  10. #500
    Dudley: You’re right. Let me see what we have up next…oh no, it’s more of them Pat! Shit!

    Pat: Alright I’ll take over, we’re now gonna cut to the back where we have…wait a minute folks. *talking into h eadset* What’s your name again dear? Ah! Suzi X who is standing by with *sighs* The Apostles.

    *a blond, super perky, one-eyed female in a baby blue one piece appears on our screen. In an extremely bubbly voice she says…*

    Suzi X: Hi everybody my name is Suzi X and I’m your new backstage interviewer for Mayhem…or you guys can have me wherever you want me really. I’m not a one show woman *tehe* But enough about me, let’s talk to these guys now. Anomander Rake, Demonic, what’s the dealio yo!

    Anomander: *taken aback by the new chick’s enthusiasm* Right…so earlier on in the show it was quite clear to us that these Jackasses refuse to go away. They were simply not satisfied with just embarrassing us last week by diving off the top of the JABEtron, they want to continue on with their little reindeer games. Well to that we have to say one thing: good. We’re glad you’re so stubborn. We’re glad you’re so persistent. We’re glad because you’ve simply made our jobs easier. We were never going to stop, and now you’ve saved us the trouble of having to go on the hunt for you, because you’re stupid enough to keep coming for us. It’s akin to a gazelle seeking out a lion, and these lions *points to himself and to Demonic* are very grateful for it. Now…

    *before he can finish his thought, The Sandman has come onto the screen, still apparently looking for Daniel Truth in an angry fashion. Anomander looks at Demonic, and nods over to Sandman. The Apostles then proceed to attack The Sandman from behind, gaining an early advantage in the brawl. Not to be denied though, Sandman picks up a cinder block from off the ground and in a fit of rage breaks it over Demonic’s head, knocking him unconscious. Sandman then turns his attention to Anomander, and in a one-on-one situation Anomander is overmatched. Sandman takes Anomander and throws him into the wall. Sandman survey’s the damage he’s caused, looks quickly over to Suzi X, who has been standing there watching this whole time, and storms off*

    Suzi X: Well, alright JABEsters, looks like this interview is over. Back to you guys! *blows a quick kiss to the camera as the camera cuts back to ringside*

    Pat: My advice to the rest of the lockerroom: don’t piss off Sandman…like ever. You know Chainsaw is gonna be pissed at that.

    Dudley: Who cares about that right now? Did you see that new chick we just signed? I think she likes me.

    Pat: In your dreams duds. It’s main event time people!

    Main Event: St. George vs. ???

    Pat: Here we go, St. George has to beat his opponent in 3:01 or less in order to keep his show.

    St. George

    One tough Cockney ass-kicker

    Pat: As St. George makes his way down the ramp to a thunderous ovation, we’re gonna take this time to remind everyone that St. George does not know who he’s facing here tonight. Hell, we don’t even know, as it’s completely random. He could be facing anyone from Chainsaw to Bill the Cameraman.

    Dudley: As it should be. It was like that for K-Jammin, and it should be like that for George as well. I hope it is Chainsaw out there. Let those two tear each other apart.

    Pat: Well, were gonna find out soon. St. George’s music has stopped.

    It’s Eric Bischoff!!

    Dudley: Yes! The living legend, Eric Bischoff! There’s no way George can beat Eric in less than 3 minutes!

    Pat: Yeah George didn’t exactly catch a break on this one. Who could forget these two’s tremendous rivalry of a number of months ago? Good luck George, you’ll need it.

    *Eric Bischoff makes his way down to the ring and steps through the ropes. Eric gives George a devious smirk to which George replies by cracking his knuckles. The bell rings and the clock starts counting down from 3:02. George immediately pounces on Eric with a big spear. Mounted rights and lefts follow, and Eric staggers his way up as the ref pulls George off of him. Out of nowhere George pounces on the still woozy Eric, and hits The Big Ben Chimes!, his finishing maneuver as the crowd pops hard. George make the cover on Eric; 1…2..3!! this one is over! Crowd explodes as only 16 seconds have come off the clock.*

    Pat: Oh my God! How is that even possible Dudley? 16 seconds??? 16 bloody seconds to beat Eric Bischoff? What an incredible display of skill!

    Dudley: I…I don’t believe it. I would have bet my house that Eric would have lasted three minutes.

    Pat: Well you obviously would have lost. This just goes to show exactly how much St. George has improved. He’s getting his shot and NO ONE seems to be able to stop him. Hell, they can’t even slow him down! K-Jammin is in trouble Duds, mark my words.

    Dudley: I just can’t believe I’ve already seen the lat edition of Jammin with K-Jammin. This is a travesty! This is…

    K-Jammin?? What's he doing out here?

    Pat: I agree whoever said that. What IS he doing out here?

    *K-Jammin comes out of the curtain with a mic in his hands and speaks*

    K-Jammin: Congratulations George. The Cockney Corner gets to remain a show…it just won’t be in JBW. Yeah, that’s right, you can take The Cockney Corner right on over to EWNCW for all I care, because Iron Ape told me to tell you that...YOU’RE FIRED!! *drops the mic and heads to the back*

    *the camera cuts to a stunned St. George who is still in the ring, the crowd blowing up the arena with their hatred. St. George drops to his knees in shock as the screen fade to black.* JBW!
    Last edited by xStraightxEdgexSaviorx; 10-02-2011 at 03:48 AM.
    WWE resigned Punk, and everything I've said has come true on these things, so WWE, keep Punk a badass face. He will become a legend if you do.

    JBW is so good, even the most cynical member of the IWC couldn't complain about it. Check out or most recent shows here!

    And join in on the discussion here. We will welcome you with open arms. Please join now by PMing me or WWTNA Mark!

    Horror movie tournament final: The Shining vs. Silence of the Lambs vs. Halloween...coming very soon.

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