*The lights begin to dim, smoke begins rise around the ring and The Sandman takes his final walk to the ring to claim what he deems is an unworthy addition to the lineage of the JBW championships.*
K-Jam: Rumour is if Sandman wins tonight he will be treating us all to a naked YMCA dance
Ma$$: I'd pay good money to see that.
*Rome makes his way down to the ring. His mission in this thing is to take the title and throw it in the trash just to piss off Kash and Straights. He is suddenly attacked by NightWolf who is Horrorcore to the bone, and is pissed off that he hasn't got his own Jabetron video!"
Ma$$: I got Sandy in this one. Hands down.
K-Jam: C'mon Roman you can do this motherfucker
*A man in a scream mask runs through the crowd and heads straight for The Sandman. He takes him out with a lead pipe. After the attack on Sandman, the masked man grabs a mic from ringside before running through the crowd. Numerous fans try and take a shot at him as he moves through, and he even gets a few shots of his own in on some. He stops at the top of the stairs, and takes a look around*
Mask: Now that I have everybody’s attention, let’s play a little game of guess who!!
Mask: First of all, I’m a man that this company could only DREAM of having in their ranks!! I’ve had offers on the table. Offers from xStraightEdgeSaviorx, ‘Mr Cool’; Kashdinero, and even Dubs himself!! The man who THINKS he’s in charge of the so called ‘no.1 company on EWN’!! But to all these offers, I said ‘Please hang up and try again’ haha!!
Mask: Secondly, why would I come and work for a second rate company, a company that performs in front of Walmart no less!! Second rate company equals second rate talent, like St. George!! RomanFlare!! Chainsaw!!! K-Jammin!! V3!! Jman!!! I could go on all night long, but all second rate talent!! I don’t do second rate!! I don’t deserve second rate!!
*crowd unhappy at the disrespect*
Mask: Speaking of the fans, look at all of you!! You don’t deserve a man of my calibre in your pitiful little company!!
*fan tries to hit the Masked Man, he responds by laying him out with a right hand of his own*
Mask: Get your hands off me you low-life!! You people are pathetic and this whole company is a sham!! A JOKE!!
Mask: I’ve had enough of JBW parading around claiming to be no.1 when it’s clearly evident that they aren’t!!But now, here’s a final clue for you. Even you stupid idiots should be able to figure this one out!! I am without ANY doubt, the most hated man in JBW, despite not even being in your company!! You know him, you love him, you cannot live without him.....
*takes off the mask, and his shirt to reveal a "Lenny Lightning is awesome" T-Shirt.*
TT: TOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... THUNNNNNNNNNNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!!!!!
*starts ascending the stairs as he sees JBW talent coming out to chase him. He stops at the top of the stairs*
TT: THUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERR RRRR!!!!!!!!
K-Jam: What the fuck is that dickhead doing here?! This is JBW, not that other joke of a company! Kill him Sandman, use your fart skills!!
Ma$$: No fucking way.. Someone get him!
*He tosses the mic and scampers through the door. Sandman begins chasing him, and the camera picks him up the other side and follows him out of the building. The entire JBW roster that are in attendance have now begun chasing the intruder, but Tommy makes it down to the dock where eboy is waiting in a speed-boat, named EWNCW SS Paranoia. Tommy hurls himself through the air and lands in the saftey of the boat. eboy hits the engine and the EWNCW pair speed off into the night before Sandman and the rest of the roster can get to them*
Ma$$: What, not one of you could catch the mongrel? How fucking embarrassing!
*Meanwhile RomanFlare and NightWolf have found themselves on the balcony and are trading some devastating punches and kicks. When NightWolf lifts Roman high above his head and....*
Mass: OH SHIT!
K-Jam: OH SHIT!
*NightWolf makes the cover.. 1... 2... 3*
Dave: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a NEEEEWWWW JBW Horrorcore champion... NIIIIIGGGHHHHTWOOOOOLLLFFF
*NightWolf crawls out from under the wreckage, is handed the new title, and reaches for a mic."
NightWolf: Hach, hak, ha! H-ARRWWOOOOOOOO!!!!
Uh oh, here come Chainsaw and The Apostles
*The Appostles and Chainsaw walk up to NightWolf, pat him on the back, and walk past him. NightWolf looks down at his shiny new belt, and smiles. He allows Chainsaw and The Appostles to pass him unheeded.*
*Chainsaw, now in the ring, holds the mic up to his face and speaks*
We have had enough. For weeks and weeks and months and months, a dark cloud hung over all of our heads. The cloud of Samson's return from the underworld perpetrated by the likes of The Jackasses, who have gone out of their way to mark their own demise. As a group, we have not won a meaningful match since. Well, right now that ends. I believe I have some semblance of authority around here still, so in his very instance I demand a match. A handicap match between myself, Anomander, Demonic, and Silva vs The Jackasses. This is your new main event for all the filthy disgraces of life that I see before me, and all of the rest of those watching at home. You will see the systematic destruction, the annihilation, the tearing of limb to limb, of those poor souls known as The Jackasses. I want this immediately, or mark my words, there will be trouble.
here we go again with Samson's music!
*before Mass can even get a word in edgewise, Chainsaw cuts him off*
WERE NOT BUYING IT YOU WORMS! JUST...GET...OUT...HERE.
*The Jackasses don't come though. In fact, we have a camera back in The Jackasses locker and their completely bug-eyed, almost petrified, while staring at the monitor we have set up. Chainsaw speaks again, but looks slightly less angry and slightly more flustered.*
No.....no. I will not fall into this trap again! Never again. I know it is you Red Ryda..I know that you're--
*before he can finish his statement though, we hear an ominous laugh and a figure pop out of the curtain...it's..it IS SAMSON!!*
K-Jam: What the fuck? Isn't he that guy who died?? That motherfucker is going straight back in the ground if he thinks he can fuck with The Eye. Muggy Prick!! "
Ma$$: I can't fucking believe it... Man, it's really him!
*Samson makes his way down the ramp with the crowd in awe and all of The Apostles froze in their tracks. Samson begins cracking his knuckles, his eyes never leaving the man that burned him alive, and he steps in the ring. Chainsaw simply drops to his knees at the sight of the man he thought was gone forever. Samson then very physically picks Chainsaw up by the hair, grabs a hold of him, and...and he...gives Chainsaw a hug??*
Chainsaw: *now in a smile as wide as his mouth will allow, tears away from the hug and gives huge belly laugh as he raises Samson's hand high in the air* Our champion...EMERGES!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
Samson: *lets out a mighty roar as Chainsaw and the rest of The Apostles cheer on their new comrade*
Ma$$: What the fuck did we just witness? JBW