Hawk: Welcome back to JBTV's Shopping Network with your host Mike Hawk! Tonight only we are having a blowout sale due to a large volume of unsold merchandise. Now let's take a look at what we have today.
*Hawk looks under the desk and pulls out a can of soup with KJ Punk's face on it.
Hawk: In a stroke of marketing idiocy, Campbells teamed up with KJ Punk in order to sell a new line of chicken soup dinners, and lets just say the employee that suggested it is no longer employed. Now I know it looks disgusting but take my word for it, if you take the label off, the soup is tolerable. But since I know buying anything with Punk's face on it is a hassle, these marketing abominations are now on sale for $0.01. No need to rush thought, because like Punk, I don't these chicken dinners are going anywhere.
Now in time for dirty Santa, get the poser in your life some Chris Divine sunglasses. Not only do these not make you look dorkier, they actually trick guys as gullible as Divine into thinking they are someone special. Buy these novelty glasses for only $10. Hurry because I think the manufacturer is about to go out of business just like I'm about to put Divine out soon.