When we last left off. The Boro wonder keeper had finished his season with a runner-up League Cup medal, a respectable 2nd in the championship to make them promoted to the EPL and the best defensive record overall so I can't complain with that really.
So the gaffa was pretty happy with my performances apparently and said they'd offer me another contract. It was a tempting offer don't get me wrong. From £20k per week + 20% clean sheet bonus they offered me £25k and I'd assume the same bonus.
But alas, the sand of the hourglass were up for the Vanny-poo and 'Boro.
My other choices were:
- Fulham who finished 8th, for the same amount of dosh.
- Crewe Alexandria, 20th in League 2. I'd become captain but on a 3k contract...*pats Crewe on the head of at least trying*
- MK Dons who got promoted, piss poor money as well
Wasn't looking very appealing in all honesty. My guy was worth £18.5 million at the time! I was hoping for at least a tiny gem in these optio--SUDDENLY!
From a distance! There it was. The offer I had been waiting all my life for! It was Bari...Nah, just kidding. It was Lazio. Who finished 4th (I thought this mean champions league but Seria A being inferior to the EPL means top 3 get that and 4th and 5th get Europa League) and were offering me £80k a week?! For European football as well?!
Sign me up!
And there it was lads. I'd reached Europe, I'd joined a team that I thought could achieve great things.
I get the feeling I'm going to have to give you a bit of backstory here. Ya see in FIFA 12. Teams can get bought out and get a stupid amount of money to spend on players. Leeds United got bought out whilst I was with Middlesbrough. I didn't mention it since we all know what happened the last night Leeds had money
Well Lazio were 1 of the teams in Seria A to be bought. They bought quite a few brilliant players too. A few I've never heard of but in about 4 in average 80s level for £10-30 million each. Myself for £18.5 million we'll say (My price at the time) and some guy called Luis Suarez. He was okay...I guess. Nothing special.
Wait! What am I saying Suarez was an absolute powerhouse in this season! No lie. But we'll get to that.
How did I do? Well:
Interesting cup. I personally was hoping for Everton everytime we advanced because I wanted to get my revenge on them for beating me in the League Cup final. Sadly this didn't happen as they went out round of 16 to Sporting CP
We had to qualify over someone a lot weaker. Over the 2 legs it finished 4-1 and I want you to remember that 1 goal.
Mainly due to the fact of in our group we had Schalke of Germany and 2 'How did you even qualify' teams. We would even up 1 point behind Schalke with 3 wins and 3 draws whilst they only lost to us once and drew the other. But I would end up not letting any goals in throughout the group stage. It was incredibly weird. The clean sheet table I was destroying with 7 clean sheets already!
The following round we would get Valencia who did poop in the Champions League. We beat them 2-0 after 2 legs. Bayern Leverkusen next, they knocked Arsenal the previous round and did it with ease. This surely won't be an easy fixtu--Wait what...5-0?! God damn Suarez. Calm the fuck down!
The quarters would see rivals Roma and Lazio battle it out. I'm not going to tell you every save both keepers did but the amount of shots we both saved over the 2 games was stupid. It finished 0-0 AET and this was going down to pens.
Lazio would take an early lead with the combo of Suarez and Hooligan X which pleased my penis...until the rest of Lazio tried the crossbar challenge from where pens are taken. Needless to say, this made me floppy. The floppyness ended up costing us and we were knocked out of Europe.
This truly left a massive sour taste in my mouth. I'd gone so many games and only let 1 goal in to be defeated through penalties...Me and Suarez weren't happy!
FA Cup (Italy's version):
I came. I saw. I came. I'm going to be honest with you. Anyone we faced, we destroyed. Even Juventus in the quarters would get destroyed, although they would get the last laugh as we faced them 1 week later and in that time they bought Mario Ballotelli. We would lose 4-0 with him getting 4...I was serious pissed. Anywho, VHX would copy he Europe form and not let any goals in all cup. I was very proud of that stat I'll point out. But wasn't exactly challenging. We would
I get the feeling I'm the first person on EWN to use the spoiler tag for what it truly was meant for. :S
I'm not going to bore you with certain game stories. But mid-way through the season I unlocked the GK goes up for corners trait, which I added. So I actually scored 3 very important goals through the season which I'm pretty proud of. I also managed to gain a handful of assists all thanks to Suarez being able to destroy people in defence and smash it into the net. Happy days.
Lazio would win the league after 36 games just over AC Milan and Genoa, who were also bought out.
That's it really. This edition was a more serious 1 methinks. So let's fuck up the ending!
Let's just say the manager of Lazio, Jerry Junkie or for time sake...JJ. Was a bit of a smelly goose. He was racist to Suarez (Yeah, go figure.) Disrespectful to VHX for being English and an overall idiot that at times, showed he didn't know what to do and was leeching off Suarez's ability to be the top scorer and Vans ability to have mostly clean sheet most matches.
Van would not want to stick around for another season and would look at his options!
- Chelsea - LOL No
- Man City - Tempting, but I'd like to save the EPL for a later date
- Barcalona - ...FUCK YEAH! 110K a week?! 5% clean sheet bonus?! Sign me up!
So the next season will be Van Hooligan X. Barca's #1 keeper!