All of a sudden, the doors burst open, and Ma$$Dinero strolls through them--he is followed by an entourage of about forty five thugish looking minders, bodyguards, close friends, hairdressers, chefs, band members, friends from the music industry, and hot chicks alike. By his side as per usual is his loyal manager and friend, Dave, who is dressed in an extremely sharp looking Armani suit. Dave is seen talking on the phone in a fairly aggressive manner as Ma$$ and his intimidating collection of bodies pass through the backstage area like a swarm of outlandish locusts.
Ma$$ is dressed in a white suit with faint red pinstripes. The red shirt he is sporting fits the outlandish evening wear to perfection, as do the albino crocodile shoes on his feet. To top it all off he is wearing a white pimp hat with a red feather to boot.
After his actions at the end of the historic Shuriken vs Siaki match, one would expect Ma$$Dinero to be in a somewhat sombre mood, but he is actually smiling as he makes his way down a corridor followed by forty five plus. Continuing to smile, he reaches into the pocket of his jacket--pulling out a diamond encrusted platinum microphone, he begins to speak for the first time since the draft show.
Ma$$Dinero: What is gwaning, my Ma$$es?!
A huge chunk of the audience pops in answer to the man who is supposed to be their hero.
What!?! I wasn't talking to you schmucks watching this on the JabeTron™, I'm talking to my Ma$$es behind me.
Shouts can be heard from behind him..
"Yeah, I'm good, bruv!"
"You was right, Ma$$, we're having a great time!"
That's right people, this collection of fantasticness behind me will from this day forth be known as Ma$$' Ma$$e$, and they are the only Ma$$e$ I need.
Yes, that's exactly the reaction I want from you arsewipes...
You think I give a shit about what all you watching this in the arena -and at home- think about me? Are you kidding me?! I'm the biggest SuperStar this company has, and I'm a number one selling rapper on top of that! The circles I move in do not include the type of nerdy little wrestling fans who've all been recently wanking over those nude pictures of Panda that just surfaced on the internet.
Ma$$ laughs as he and his Ma$$e$ continue to make their way through the backstage area.
Yeah, I bet you have, you filthy slags. But, enough about the filth surrounding the ring, let me focus on-
???: Yo, Ma$$!!
Ma$$ and his Ma$$e$ draw to a sharp halt and -as one- turn in the direction of where the voice came from.
Ma$$: Ohhhh myyyy lllooorrrd! Its ma' boy, Depri$e in the hou$e!!
Depri$e: Yes, family, one love!
Ma$$ fist bumps Depri$e, before continuing.
Ma$$: Bruva man, mans gonna have to catch up with ya' later, but I know that you know that we both know Sleeps has been here tonight and has dropped off some of that sticky-icky-shit he's been moving as of late, so we both know why you're really here.. I'm gonna see you on Octane real soon, bruv. Oh, and, by the way, you've been smashing it on the JabeThread, bruv..
Depri$e: No doubt. Peace, Ma$$.
Ma$$: Peace, Depri$e.
Ma$$ and his Ma$$e$ once more begin to move through the backstage area with intimidating presence.
Anyway, back to you, Ryy-oooo-soooo-kaaaay! As you can see, my Ma$$e$ are heading in your direction, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.
Ma$$: Now, I can't see you, but I bet you're standing in the middle of that ring with a defiant look on your face. I'm right, aren't I?
Well, I'll get to see for myself in a minute because I'm almost ther- wait a minute, is that who I think it is?
Ma$$ and his Ma$$e$ turn to someone off screen.
Yes, its my old "friends" Red Ryder and El Gabo, AKA The Jackarses.
The camera turns to show the recently drafted pranksters.
Well, guys, how's WARFare treating ya? Give me all the gossip going on around here.
Red Ryda: Are you kidding me?! We wasn't even booked for tonight?!? They even had The Two Steve's in a match with each other!! I'm telling you, Ma$$, this would never have happened under Straights' regime.
Ma$$: Yeah, we all miss that guy, but, if we stick together, I think we can take over WARFare and show these fools how us Mayhem boys do, blud! Y'kno- wait, I ain't got time to talk right now, but I'll catch up with you soon, kids! Before I go, though--have you got the time, Gabs?
El Gabo: Uh, yeah, um, sure, its ni- hey!!
The second El Gabo pulls his sleeve up to check the time on his Tag Heuer, a particularly nasty looking member of Ma$$' Ma$$e$ grabs him by the arm, and snatches the watch away. The man has disappeared into the crowd before Gabo can realize what has happened.
Gabo: Man, what gives?! Gimmie my watch back!
Dave -who has just hung up on his call- turns to Gabo and gives him a dirty sneer.
Dave King: I'd advise you to just comply with my clients wishes from here on out and refrain from talking. This right here has now turned into an old fashioned mugging.
Ryder: What?!? This isn't you, Dave!
Dave King: Thats Mr King to you, boy!
Ryder: I-I-I can't believe this! I-Is this how you earned your millions, Ma$$? By robbing guys for the--ooOOOWW!!
Ma$$ cuts him off with a swift back hand.
Ma$$: Look, bruv, I think its probably for the best if we stop acting like I'm actually a nice guy--I like those kicks, bruv--take 'em off.
Ryder stands firm--Ma$$ strikes him with another backhand, this time causing him to fall backwards into the wall behind him. Ma$$ then grabs him by the throat, and in a weird turn of events, Mini Ma$$ appears from under the legs of the huge minder standing at the front of Ma$$' Ma$$e$. He is sporting some severe scars across his face -caused by Terrible Ted at Horrorcore Icons- and his whole friendly demeanor has changed to match Ma$$Dinero's. He runs over to where Ma$$ has Red Ryder pinned to the wall and begins to remove his Air Max.
Ryder: Aww, c'mon, man, how am I supposed to walk around with no sh-
Ma$$: Shut up!
Mini-Ma$$: Cuckity Cuck!
Ma$$: Shut the fuck up with that cuckity shit! Talk normal or I'll kick in that ugly looking face of yours, ya little cunt!
Mini-Ma$$: Alright, man, chill, I was just having a laugh innit, Ma$$! Boy, I dunno if we want these, y'know, they're kicking, bruv!
Ma$$: Look, I don't give a fuck about that, its principal now. Take 'em off. Now.
Mini-Ma$$ proceeds to take off Red Ryders trainers. Once he is left with just his socks to protect his feet, Ma$$ stamps down hard on his left foot, and catches him with an uppercut to the face as he doubles over in pain. El Gabo looks on in horror as he see's his team mate knocked unconscious.
Ma$$: Don't worry, blud, I don't want your trainers--look at the state of them--I just want all of the money that you have on you.
Gabo: Ahh, please, Ma$$--I got kids!
Ma$$: Man, fuck your kids! Like I said--I just want all of the money you have.
Realizing he is in trouble, El Gabo pulls out his wallet and takes out all of his money before handing it to Ma$$.
Ma$$: Thank you. See, that wasn't so painful now, was it? Heh.. Don't worry, though, I'm gonna give you something reeeaal nice in return... Yo, Melissa!
I said, YO, MELISSA!! Get your scrawny arse over here, right now!
Ma$$' Ma$$e$ part and former Mayhem interviewer Melissa Mendez walks over to Ma$$--she doesn't look over the moon.
Ma$$: Yeah, that's a good girl. Now, why don't you escort young Mr Gabo to his dressing room and show him exactly what his money just bought him.
Reluctantly, Melissa takes El Gabo by the hand and leads him down the corridor. Ma$$' Ma$$e$ begin hooting and hollering as a bewildered looking Gabo is led off by Melissa, who has clearly seen better days.
Ma$$: Heh, would ya look at those two crazy kids. Ahh, young love... Anyway, where was I?! Ohhhh yeeeaaah--Shuriken! Yo, blud, you still out there?