EWA Fury Episode 6
EWA Fury Theme Song: Hollywood Undead “Young”
**CROWD GOES CRAZY**
HS: Hello and welcome to episode six of Fury! We're live from Manchester, England and tonight we deal with the aftermath of our New Year's Eve Supershow!
RG: Well we've only just found out that Alex Kidd will be defending his World Title against none other than our freak of a GM, Christopher Jackson. And that match will be happening... right now!
The world champ, boo this man
HS: Here comes the Champion! One has got to be wondering what state his mind is in after the New Year's Eve...
RG: Can we just get on with this? This match is gonna be a shambles!
HS: Someone's in the middle of their menstrual cycle
RG: Fuck you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAPAfZMmCIk]It’s Wacko Jacko! [/URL]
HS: And here's the GM! Doesn't he look strong? He's definitely my favourite to win this match!
RG: We all know this dick is gonna lose. Come on Kidd! Kick his arse!
The bell rings
Kidd tries a superkick
Right hook from CJ!
HS: JACKSON WINS! JACKSON WINS! JACKSON IS OUR NEW WORLD CHAMPION!
HS: And the crowd is going electric! Our GM is the new World Champion!
*CJ wakes up in a Prison Cell and slowly gets to his feet. He looks around and sighs*
CJ: What a dream...
*His Cell Door opens and standing in front of him is a Police Officer*
PO: Alright Jackson, your free to go
CJ: Really? But I was told it would be at least two weeks before I was released!
PO: Well someone paid your bail money... so we're just letting you go
CJ: And this is never going to be mentioned again?
PO: Well considering the fact that it would ruin the exciting story lines that Rob has planned for you *The Officer winks at CJ*, no it isn't going to be mentioned again
CJ: Thank Christ! I thought my life was ruined! I'll see you later then
PO: Before you leave... please tell me that isn't shit in the corner?
CJ: I was too tired to walk to the toilet. Bye!
*CJ walks out the Cell whistling "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"*
EWA Fury Episode 6
EWA Fury Theme Song: Hollywood Undead “Young”
**CROWD GOES CRAZY**
Herb: Hello and welcome to Fury, live from the, debatably, footballing capital of England. EWA, say hello to MANCHESTER! What a great event we have for you tonight
Rich: Hell yeah we do! This is the first show of our European tour, and what a place to start it
Herb: You’re abnormally positive
Rich: Roba threatened to fire me if I wasn’t positive about the UK
Herb: Ah, that’ll be it then. What a way to start the show, modern technology is truly amazing, actually seeing his dream, and live too. Amazing isn’t it
What’s he doing here?
Herb: That’s Horus Black
Rich: Brilliant! We finally have some competent management around here!
Horus makes his way down to the ring; mic in hand to a chorus of boos from the crowd
Horus: Oh quiet you insolent fools, show some respect to a clear superior of yours
*Crowd just boo louder*
Horus: Oh you fools are ridiculous. Speaking of ridiculous, where is your beloved GM Christopher Jackson?
Rich: Nice segway
Horus: I’ll tell you where, he’s locked up in a prison cell in New York due to his “actions” at the New Year’s Supershow, and to be quite honest, that’s where he belongs
Horus: Oh come on, that man can’t even manage his own miserable existence and he’s expected to manage a whole brand. He’s a disgrace to the company. However, have no fear Manchester, as I have already mentioned that he is not here, thank the lord. However, that does leave us with a problem. There is no authority figure to manage the show, but have no fear, Horus Black is here
Herb: Ouch… that really didn’t come off well
Horus: That’s right, I have graciously accepted the offer to become interim general manager of Fury and vice president of… wait, my bad, that’s not me.
Rich: Lol, I told you he can be funny. That’s Mr Excitement right there!
Horus: So to reiterate, at great expense to myself I will be taking the reins of Fury for the foreseeable future. What is that great expense I hear you ask? Having to pull double duty in a run down, ass kissing, waste of space, USA imitating and generally second rate country like the United Kingdom
*Jesus Christ the boos can’t get any louder*
Horus: Oh boo me as much as you want, there isn’t a thing any of you British Bastards can do about it
Well maybe this British Bastard can do something about it
Rob Rage makes his way out to a HUGE pop from his home-country crowd
Herb: Oh this is going to be good
Rage: *Walking down the ramp* Run down? Waste of space? Second rate? I’ll show you just how second rate this “British Bastard” is when he’s PO’d at somebody insults his homeland. How about I run my fist straight into your face. Repeatedly. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt, it’s just an imitation of the UK, it’ll practically be like me kissing your ass.
Horus: Stop right there. Don’t you dare get into this ring, or I will fire you on the spot
Rage: Oh please, my contract is worth more than your job, there are some perks of being related to the head writer. No, you can’t fire me, but I sure as hell can fire off a couple of shots at you. It’ll be a nice little warm-up, because I’ve got some unfinished business with a certain world champion that I plan on dealing with tonight
It’s like this is scripted, look who it is!
Alex Kidd makes his way out onto the rings to a tirade of boos. A certain hardcore section of the crowd begins the chant “You are dead! You are dead! You are dead!”
Rich: Strange chant, he’s clearly not. Must be an English thing…
Kidd: Did somebody mention my name? It’s hard to tell, these English accents sure are so stupid
Kidd: So you want do “deal with me”? Oh forgive me for not quaking in my boots. Last Fury, who was the one standing over you to end the show? At the Supershow who main event and won and who lost the series for their brand? Hell, who is the World Champion? I’ll give you British dickheads a clue; I know you’re not the brightest group of people.
*Raises Championship above his head which receives a very negative reaction from the very pro-Rage crowd*
That means me by the way. I am the God around here; I not only told all of you that at the Supershow, I proved it. I fought against the odds and defended my World title like the deity that I am. I overcame your little challenge Black, and proved myself to be not only the top talent in this company, but in all of existence!
Horus: Look, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. I didn’t put you in that title match in an attempt to spite you. No, the reason I put you in that match was that I felt the Supershow needed an epic main event, and I knew you were the only man for the job. I wanted to test you, and you passed with flying colours, you proved yourself as the top talent in this company. You-
Rob: *Interrupting* Oh please, get a damn room. Let me remind you two that this is a wrestling show not a gay dating agency. Not that I have any problem with that sort of conduct, whatever floats your boat
Horus: Silence you oaf. Alex Kidd has proven himself worthy of his position as Champion but you are yet to show me anything leading to me believing you worthy of the number one contendership. You made the point that I cannot fire you maybe that are true, maybe it isn’t, but you do have to follow my rulings as the general manager. So I am putting you in a match in the main event
Rob: *mockingly* Oh no, please no… How could you do such a thing? I mean, you’re making a wrestler wrestle on a wrestling show. Oh heaven help us
Horus: I’m glad you find it so amusing, because it’s going to because it’s going to be for the number one contendership
Herb: What the hell? He can’t do that, Rob had already earned the right to challenge Kidd for the title
Rich: He’s the GM; he can do whatever he wants
*Horus leaves the ring, with Rob left in there, clearly put off of his game by the latest announcement. Horus meets up with Kidd on the ramp and they both begin to walk off together, with Kidd laughing hysterically*
Horus: Oh, and I almost forgot, you’re against Hanz Gruber
*Being in England, and Gruber being a German and Rob being UK’s favourite son, this doesn’t exactly go down too well*
Herb: That’s ridiculous, Rob has already beaten Hanz for the number one contendership, and now he has to go do it again… Still, it should be an awesome main event
Rich: Hanz will get that number one contendership, just like he promised, he’s like a prophet!
Herb: Hello and welcome back to EWA live from Manchester England. We are here on the first show of a two month European tour and if this shows line-up is anything to go by, it’s going to be epic
Rich: That’s right; we’ve got a huge card for you tonight. The number one contender G-Scorp is taking on the High Octane Superstar
Herb: The number on contenders to the tag titles The Turnes are in action up against the team of KiLLA and G-Scorp
Rich: Van Hooligan X is in action against Jack Jobberson
Herb: It’s Johnson… In a champion vs. champion match we have the TV champion Jack Phenix facing the tag champion “Mad Dog” Paul Conrad
Rich: And the other half of the tag champions Kid Wonder will be taking on the “undefeated in EWA” Broc
Herb: And finally, just announced, our huge main event for the evening, set up by the interim general manager Horus Black, will be a rematch from Bloodbath pitting “The Best of British” and current number one contender Rob Rage up against “The Supreme Technician” Hanz Gruber of Croft’s Limited with the number one contendership yet again on the line
Rich: But even that great announcement isn’t the best thing of tonight. The best thing about tonight is that that oaf Christopher Jackson is not in the building, or even the country, thank the lord
Herb: It’s a travesty. I mean, we’re in his home city of Manchester, and I’m sure the hundreds of thousands in attendance were going crazy in anticipation for their hero, but it turns out he’s not even in England, but in some jail cell in NYC. What a nightmare
Rich: It’s my dream come true. Now, let’s get on with the wrestling portion of the show. First off we have-
Mr. Losing Streak!
Rich: Really? Interrupted by this knob-head? I mean, he’s yet to win a match yet
Herb: Oh come on Rich, the only reason for that is Douglas Blake
Rich: Well we’ll see. He’s against G-Scorp tonight, and I bet you any money he finds himself on the losing side yet again
This guys got his sights set on the the TV title
Herb: How much?
Rich: Wow, you’re serious… How much do hoes cost around here? Ten pounds
Herb: No idea, but deal
Rich: Easiest sex I ever earned
*watch up to 13:04*
Herb: Damn, if he hadn’t of got those knees up I would be ten pounds better off
Rich: But you’re not going to catch somebody the calibre of G-Scorp out with a move like that
G-Scorp grabs HOS and hits a pinning Saito Suplex
HOS kicks out
G-Scorp holds on though, and lifts him up for… another Saito Suplex!
HOS kicks out
G-Scorp holds on yet again though, and lifts him up for… a third Saito Suplex!
Rich: This has got to be it
HOS kicks out for a third time
Rich: SHHHHIIIITTTTT!!!! It’s a damn conspiracy! Did you bribe the ref Herb?
Herb: Rich, it’s over a tenner, if I bribed him I’d be making a net loss
Rich: Yer, well… fuck you!
G-Scorp is going mad at the ref, clearly pissed with what he deems a slow count
Rich: See, the Scorpster agrees with me
G-Scorp rolls out of the ring, and pulls out a chair from under it
Rich: Wait no, don’t get disqualified
He throws it into the ring, but the ref picks it up and goes to throw it out of the ring
However, while he is doing this, G-Scorp slips out a pair of brass knuckledusters from his trunks and puts them off
Rich: Ah, I get it now. Pure genius
Herb: Come on ref, how long does it take to throw a chair out of the ring
As G-Scorp pulls his hand back for a knockout punch, the ref renters the ring and grabs his hand
The ref pulls at the ‘dusters but they don’t come off, and somehow they both end up tumbling out of the ring
Rich: What the hell just happened?
Herb: What da heyul? I’d have to watch that five times, five times, five times, five times, five times to understand what just happened
HOS makes his way back up, and looks around to see that there is nobody in the ring… until Douglas Blake jumps the guardrail and chop blocks him from behind
Rich: Haha, money is in the bank!
Blake then bounces off the opposite ring ropes before hitting his signature flip piledriver
Herb: Got to be a DQ
Rich: Ref didn’t see it
Speaking of the ref, he enters the ring along with G-Scorp… just a second after Blake leaves the ring
Herb: Urgh… *passes Rich a tenner*
Rich: Yeah, little Richie won’t go lonely tonight
Herb: I don’t even want to know what that means
Rich: Boom! The HOS losing streak continues while the Scorp train continues to gain momentum
Herb: I was right though, the only reason HOS is on this losing streak is due to Douglas Blake
Rich: Nah mate, Blake only sped up the inevitable, G-Scorp would have beaten him whether Douglas interfered or not
Herb: Debateable… Let’s move on, we’re now going to get the reactions to the main event from Croft’s Limited
*Hanz and Gerald Croft are in their private locker room*
Hanz: It’s about damn time that a GM like PAINS!’s Herr Black came around here to make some smart decisions. Just sorry he had to put up with Rage’s and Kidd’s shit earlier. Herr Black is a busy man and he does not have time to fool with trivial things like that. Kidd’s a no talented midget and his reign will soon end. Rage will never see the title; I will make sure he never gets the chance to. That ass beating we gave him weeks ago will be nothing considered to what I will do to him tonight. To top it off, it will happen in his home country. Ha ha!
Croft: It’s poetic. His home country will be the site of the beginning of his downward spiral into complete obscurity and my home country will be the beginning of Croft’s Limited’s rise to complete power. It was only a matter of time really, and having a competent general manager just speeded the process up
Hanz: The fact that Herr Black put me in a number one contenders match tonight with Rage speaks volumes. He knows great talent when he sees it. He knows that I should be the one getting the title shot at Untamed Khaos, not Rage. And if it were not for our inept GM CJ here on Fury, along with our inept referees I would already be the champ. Hopefully Herr Black cleans this place up, looks like he is doing great with PAIN! , and hopefully ol CJ will never be heard from again.
Croft: Oh isn’t that the truth. Tonight we take one step closer to our rightful positions, at the top of this company, and the whole industry for that matter.
Hanz: And after tonight, the face of Fury will forever change. After I take out Rage, I will go on to beat Kidd at the pay per view. With you guys by my side *points to Croft and Smith* we will run this place. And here in the great city of Manchester, England, it seems like the perfect place to start that revolution.
Croft: And the first victim of this revolution will be you Robert Rage, and there is nothing you can do about it. You may have got lucky once against this man here, but lightning doesn’t strike twice, and you will never defeat the superior technician Hanz Gruber… *whispering into the camera* Ever. Again.
Hanz: Alright, seeing that I am in the main event, once again I might add, I will just sit back and enjoy watching all the action.
Croft: It will be mildly amusing to see the huge discrepancy between you and the rest of the roster
*Camera changes to a picture of the interview area. The TV Champion Jack Phenix is standing with Ashley Ion who is wearing her “Even hotter than my hair” top*
Ashley: I’m here at this time with Jack Phenix. So jack how do you feel about the No 1 contender to your title, G-Scorp?
Jack: Well Ashley he doesn’t bother me, there will always be guys wanting this title and he’s just the one that won a chance to get it, but he’s to high on himself just like KiLLA, he let his ego get to him and that’s why I beat him in our title match and that’s why ill beat G-Scorp at Untamed Khaos
AI: That being said G-Scorp is on a small winning streak at the moment, will that affect your game plan going into Untamed Khaos?
J: Not at all, in fact
*Jack is interrupted by G-Scorp’s arrival*
G-Scorp: So Phenix...... the man who cant even spell his own name, yet thinks hes going to keep his title...... what’s this talk about you retaining at Untamed Khaos hmmmmm? I haven’t lost in months my friend and you are on quite the losing streak.... As Ashley Ion would say, “Care to Comment?”
J: Scorp I don’t care what kinda streak either of us are on because at the end of the day by the end of the day I’ll still be champion and you will be at the back of the line with KiLLA. So you have to prove to me that you deserve a second shot after you lose at Untamed Khaos after I pin you 1.... 2.... 3.
G-Scorp gets up to Phenix face....
G-Scorp: Well if you aren’t going to look at the facts of my dominance let me show you my dominance
G-Scorp swings at Phenix, but he ducks and buries a knee into the number one contender’s chest
Ashley: Oh fuck this; I’m getting out of here
Phenix straps on a headlock and hits G-Scorp with repeated knees to the mid-section, but G-Scorp counters by pushing Phenix backwards into a wall, causing him to release the hold
G-Scorp then starts laying some body shots into the TV champion, but when he goes for a right hook to the head Phenix ducks and G-Scorp connects only with the wall, causing him to grasp his hand in pain
Phenix capitalises on this by hitting him in the head with a running knee, knocking him to the floor. He then gets on top of him in the mount position and lays in shot after shot. G-Scorp blocks most of them though and turns it around on him and manages to lay some shots of his own before Phenix rolls it yet again
Several security members hit the scene and pull the two men apart
G-Scorp: Nah, pussy got scared
At this Jack breaks away from the men holding him back, and lays in another couple of shots before the security team pulls them back apart
Herb: Wow, it didn’t take much for that to kick off did it?
Rich: That Phenix is a hothead, he needs counselling
Herb: Well G-Scorp was the one who started it
Rich: But Phenix continued it
Rich: Don’t worry, few people can rival my debating skills, and most of them are dead
Rich: Don’t hate the player Herb, hate the game
Rich: Well, since my partner seems to have become a temporary mute, it’s left for me to carry this show. No change there then
*Herb punches Rich in the face*
Rich: Ow! What the hell was that for?
Herb: I thought I saw something going to your head
Rich: I get a feeling that’s an “I see what you did there moment”, but I don’t… Moving on, we now have to hear from the Turnes… Heaven knows why
The Turnes are in the back
Luke: Hello EWA, We are the Turnes. Christopher Jackson, sorry about your arrest, but that's what you get for be a paedophile, but Chris, we still love you. I mean, who - other than us - has never been a paedophile. However CJ, we still need 1 thing and that is our title shot versus Two of a Kind. We're still coming for you, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it. But today, we're against Douglas Blake and KiLLA, two people who haven't teamed together before. Newsflash, we're brothers. We know each other inside out. We have more co-ordination, more charisma and more talent than both of you
Rob: And if you don't like that YOU CAN KISS WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!
Rich: Well that was complete bullsh. I mean, they have about as much charisma as a dead frog and I doubt they know a headlock from a cravat.
Herb: Do you?
Rich: Ye-… *looks disappointed with himself and mutters* No…
Herb: I’ll teach you later.
It’s Blake and KiLLA
Rich: Brilliant, two of my favourites. These two have been so impressive as of late
Herb: Have they?
Rich: I dunno, I just say that about the guys that I like
Don’t turn channels, it’s the Turnes! No? Sorry, that was bad wasn’t it…
*Stop at 11:32*
Herb: 720 Kick!
Blake ducks and Luke kicks the refs head off (not literally)
Blake is the first to react, and does so via the means of a swift kick to the nuts
Rich & Herb: *winces*
Douglas smiles at the pain he just caused before rolling out of the ring
Rich: What is he doing out there?
He pulls a chair from under the ring
Rich: Ignore that last question
He climbs onto the ring apron, but before he can go any further HOS runs down the ramp with a chair of his own and hits him in the legs, knocking him off of the ring apron
Douglas lands on his knees, and before he can gather his senses HOS hits a huge chair shot to his head
Herb: Double ouch
Meanwhile, KiLLA is back in the ring and attempts to clothesline Luke Turne, but he ducks and retaliates with a Savate kick
Herb: Blockbuster! And look, Rob is on the top rope!
Herb: Diving Elbow Drop!
Rich: Ah damn it; refs always seem to come to at just the wrong time. A few seconds earlier and he would have DQ’ed the Turnes, a few seconds later and KiLLA would have been able to kick out
Herb: I’ll give it to you, HOS did help out the Turnes there, but only after a blatant low blow by Blake
Rich: It still doesn’t make it fair. Ah what the hell, let’s go to the commercial break
Herb: Welcome back to EWA an-
Rich: Ha! This time you got interupted
*Panzer Division, along with their manager Barbie march to the ring, ask for a receive mics*
Barbie: Now allow me to introduce you to the new improved Panzer Division. These two guys, Karl and Oli are hands down the best thing there is in wrestling today. You need proof- look at what they did last week on the New Year’s Supershow. My guys, along with the only other team that is worth a damn here, Two of a Kind, had no problems at all taking down the Turtle brothers and Il Cattivo. Those guys never stood a chance. How Il Cavitto are even in contention for the belts is beyond belief, they are just two guys who thing they are funny. Their hearts are not in this sport. They would rather pander to the crowd for cheap pops. Karl, Oli and I are just here for one thing- business, which is to win the tag belts and of course make a lot of money.
Oli: That right lil sis. Little pussies like Il Cavitto will never have a lasting impact here in EWA, much less the wrestling world. Guys like that are made weak playing up to fans. Sure they may get wins at times, but in the long run they have nowhere else to go but down and they will only have themselves to blame, they would rather crack jokes. That’s why they lost on the Supershow along with the Turnes.
Karl: That’s right Oli. While those guys are cracking jokes, Oli and I are cracking heads, breaking backs and kicking ass. Unlike most teams here we are focused, we bring it to the ring week in and week out. We show our best, we don’t fuck around. We do that in HWA and we do that here in EWA much as we have throughout our whole careers.
Barbie: In other words, my brothers are the best of the best. Il Cavitto are just like that little pimple on your ass- they are there to annoy you, but are in no danger to you in any way or form. Not that I have a pimple on my ass, mine is flawless. Wanna see?
*Barbie proceeds to bend over and raise her skirt up, wearing only a thong underneath, showing her flawless ass to the crowd*
Rich: Boner alert!
Herbie: Too much information Rich, too much information.
Barbie: Ok, now that I got your attention. We will rid this company of those little ass pimples
Rich: Mmmmm… ass…
It’s the ass pimples…
*Il Cattivo make their way out onto the ramp and down into the ring, and they’re receiving an ovation from this Manchester crowd*
Uliose: Well Well Well, if it isn’t our little friends from the never end, the Pansy Division.
Roberto: Umm Bro, Whats the never end?
Uliose: Jesus Christ superstars Rob, every week we go through our promos and then you have to go and stuff it up, alright I’ll explain gees. The Pansy division now with added plastic for your convenience *Uliose raises elbows* are heading to the never end because they will NEVER make any friends here, they will NEVER make an impression here in the EEEE-DOUBLEU-AAAYY
*those cheap pops are working*
Uliose: And they will certainly NEVER win tag team gold
Not your everyday GM theme music
Horus Black makes his way out onto the stage carrying a mic
Horus: Well know, it seems we have a situation on our hands does it not? Well, have no fear, Horus is here. Now I’ve heard rumours that people are comparing me to a certain John Laurentitus. That is about the worst insult a general manager can receive. I am far his superior, in every respect, but especially in regards to creativity. I am Mr Creativity, and I’m going to prove that right here, right now.
The four of you will be in a match at Untold Khaos for the number one contendership to the tag team titles
Herb: Wow, really creative…
Horus: Silence you ingrate
Rich: I think he heard you
Horus: I had not yet finished. The Panzer Division will face Il Cattivo at Untold Khaos for the number one contendership, but it will not just be any match. Oh no, this match stipulation will be picked by one of the two teams you see inside the ring. Which team I hear you ask, hardly able to contain your excitement. Well quieten down and I’ll tell you. The Panzer Division will face off against Il Cattivo over the next three weeks… in a best of three series! First they will face off in singles matchups and if a third match is needed it will be a regular tag team matchup. It’s a good job you’re all in your ring gear, because Uliose and Oli will be facing off right now! How’s that for creativity
*He smiles smugly before walking back behind the curtain*
Herb: Well, to give the devil his due that was pretty goo-
As Herb is speaking, Karl clotheslines Roberto to the outside and Oli attacks Uliose from behind
Rich: Brilliant strategy here by the Panzers.
*watch from 2:09-9:55*
As Uliose gets up onto the top rope Barbie Panzer gets onto the ring apron, but before you can say girl basher Roberto Pamich pulls her off of the ring apron causing her to bash her face on the ring apron
Rich: You can’t do that to a lady
Herb: That’s not a lady Rich, that’s a hoe
Rich: Really? Do you think I could buy a night with her with my winnings?
Karl Panzer roars in anger, and leaps onto Roberto, attacking him like a wild man. However, this leaves Uliose up on the top rope, until he dives off
Herb: FROG SPLASH!
Rich: Come on Oli...
Rich: …you don’t want to go one-nil down
Rich: Ah shit…
Herb: And Il Cattivo go one nil up against the Panzer Division, that means they only need one more win to be able to choose the stipulation for their match at Untold Khaos
Uliose starts celebrating, then realises that Karl is on the outside of the ring, beating on his brother. He grabs the top rope, and then dives over it onto him with a suicide crossbody!
After doing this, he pulls his brother up to his feet and they leave the ring together, celebrating their victory leaving all three members of the Panzer Division are laid out around ringside
Rich: It just hasn’t been the Panzer Division’s night tonight. I have full faith that they can pull it back and win the series though, have no fear. Time for another commercial break
*CJ is sat on a bench in a Park, looking thoughtfully at some ducks that are just waddling around*
CJ: Why are them ducks giving me a boner? Ugghhh... I need to get back to Manchester! Maybe if I attach a Sleigh to the ducks and they can fly me back! Do Ducks fly? I don't think they can... They look kinda weak. Hang on, what if they can hear me? I'm so sorry ducks!
*A young boy walks up to CJ and randomly puts his hand on CJ's leg*
CJ: Look, if you’re gonna feel me up then at least put your hand in the right place
*He moves the kid's hand to his "Private Areas"*
There we go, now give it a little squeeze...
*CJ spots two Police Officers walking by and immediately jumps up*
Shit... I've gotta get out of here!
*CJ runs out of the Park and down a street*
Herb: Look, the kid started it, CJ just directed him… wait, what am I saying. You’re right Rich that was just wrong
Rich: Well thank God you finally came to your senses.
I wondered what the difference between an Archangel and a regular angel is? Archangel sounds a lot less camp, I’ll give him that. Michael the Angel sounds *mic is cut off*
Herb: Lillian does go on a bit sometimes, doesn’t she?
Michael the Archangel comes out to a huge pop. He walks down to the ramp and plays to the crowd Jericho style in the ring
Herb: Please don’t troll us…
Michael The Archangel: So hold on from day one I started in EWA Hanz has insulted and belittled me in front of you the fans. But now that Christopher Jackson is gone Horus just awards Hanz a number one contendership match against a man who already earned it. Rob Rage I know will beat Hanz and not let that jealous whiny son of a bitch anywhere nears the EWA Fury World Heavyweight Championship. Now onto Crofts Limited. You guys want to get involved fine but if you guys want to get involved fine by me I'll easily kick your asses as well as Hanz's. Hanz doesn't deserve anything and Rob Rage will win and then I get my rightful shot at the EWA Fury World Heavyweight Championship until then I have a couple jealous assholes to deal with.
And here come the jealous assholes
Croft’s Limited strut their way down the ramp to a mixed reaction from the UK fans.
Croft: Hello Michael, welcome to England, my home country and the greatest country in the world! *The crowd pop like hell* Sadly though, we haven’t exactly come to the finest area, but I guess even heaven must have its slums. *and back to the boos Croft usually receives*
Hanz: Bitch all you want Michael- you had your damn chance at the title and you blew it. So just get back in line behind the other guys vying for any of the titles here in EWA. After tonight, I will be the rightful number one contender and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. And at Untold Khaos I will be the new champion. So run along little man and go listen to your boy bands as I know your love of them is a well-known fact. Kind of disturbing if you ask me. I guess you really did not learn shit from your big brothers but you are not only the runt of the litter; you’re an embarrassment to your family name.
At this last comment, Michael snaps and leaps onto Hanz, laying in with thunderous lefts and rights
Herb: You can only insult a man’s pride so many times until he snaps
Brutus grabs Archangel around the waist, and manages to pull him off of Hanz. Archangel then lays into Brutus with some strong elbows, forcing him to release his grip. As Brutus attempts to grab him again, Archangel leaps up, and turns his body around and hits an enziguri sending The Butler out of the ring
Rich: Michael may be faring well now, but sooner or later the numbers are going to catch up to him
Hanz is now back on his feet, and hits a big running knee on Michael
Rich: Told you
But Archangel doesn’t go down. Instead, he looks dazed for a moment before firing up and levelling Hanz with an extremely stiff lariat!
Herb: You were saying
Michael fires up like some sort of Nordic berserker in the middle of the ring.
Herb: I would not want to be in Croft’s shoes right now
Gerald is behind Michael though, and he is yet to notice him. He lifts his cane above his head… and delivers a huge blow to the back of his head, sending a sick cracking sound around the arena
Herb: Oh God, that was horrific!
Brutus makes his way back into the ring, and begins to lay in the boots into the downed Archangel, stomping him into the ground. After a while, Gerald tells him to pick Michael up, which he obliges to do.
With his hands held behind his by Smith, Archangel is stabbed in the stomach with the end of the cane, causing him to keel over in agony
Hanz rolls back into the ring as Michael starts convulsing on the ground. He laughs, then tells Smith to pick him up
Herb: Oh come on, enough is enough
Smith gets him up in the powerbomb position, then powerbombs him down while Hanz hits a neck breaker at the same time!
Rich: Holy shit that was awesome, complete devastation!
As we go to a commercial break, Croft’s Limited are celebrating in the ring and flipping off the crowd
AI: Welcome ladies and gentlemen as I'm here with Brandon Medeiros.
BM: Hey what's up Ashley.
AI: What could you tell me about your current feud with KiLLA?
Brandon: Ha....please Ashley, KiLLA is nothing more than a cockroach to me. He acts like he's better than me yet he has proven nothing. What KiLLA needs to do is shut his fat fucking mouth because he is starting to get on my nerves... Hey Ashley before you go there is something I wanted to ask you...You think maybe this Saturday if you’re not doing anything we could-
*Boom, KiLLA comes out of nowhere and delivers a clubbing blow to the back of Brandon’s head*
AI: Oh for fucks sake
Ashley runs off as KiLLA picks up Brandon and throws him into a wall
As KiLLA attempts to throw him into another wall, he counters and wall run backflips over the top of his assailant and follows up by dropkicking him to the back of the head sending him face first into the wall
Herb: Wow it’s really kicking off in the back, but we have to go to a match now
“Jobber” Jack Johnson is already in the ring
Here comes the Hooligan
Hooligan comes down the ramp, looking a lot less hooligan-y than usual. He is wearing all black and looking rather reserved
Rich: What’s wrong with Van?
Herb: I hear he’s had a loss recently
Rich: Oh, I’m sorry… Well on behalf of myself and EWA, you have our sympathy
Van gets into the ring, and sits there. Everybody in the arena hold a minute of silent for the sad moment. RIP Maggie
VHX: Thank you. Maggie, this one is for you
*watch from 6:18-10:00*
Rich: Well this is entertainment!
Herb: How can you say that? This match stopped being a fair fight long ago. Van is just picking apart Jackson.
Rich: I know! It's about time someone put him in his place.
*Van hits Johnson with a big Enzuigiri kick. He then begins to pick Johnson up, and the crowd begin to chant "Let's go Johnson!". Soon the whole audience joins in with the chant, and Van then begins to look left and right like Hulk Hogan used to. VHX then drops Johnson, who falls back to the floor. VHX proceeds to join in with the chant, which pisses off the crowd. He then focuses attention on Johnson, who is still out of it, and puts him in his submission move, The Vantastic Clutch.*
*Jack Johnson begins tapping whilst screaming in pain, so the ref calls for the bell. He grabs Van's Alpha Revolution Global Heavyweight Championship title, and turns to the victor, who still has The Vantastic Clutch locked in.*
Ref: You have until 5 to break the hold or else. 1...2...3...4—
*He then let’s go. As he is handed his title back from the ref, he is warned to stop doing this to wrestlers. Van then demands the ref raise his arm in victory. He holds up the Championship title. VHX then goes to the side, where he is handed a mic.*
Herb: Looks like he wants to get something off his chest.
Van: First of all, this waste of space has to get out of my ring. *He then proceeds to kick Johnson out of the ring, until he falls off the apron. The boos coming from the live audience are piercing.* Now don't worry, I'd envy me as well. *He lifts the belt closer to his face.* I like shiny things too. *Van has a self-indulgent smirk on his face.* I'm gonna get straight to the point. Broc, for some stupid reason, you attack and interfere in all my matches, costing me these matches. Making me lose the last match against Ryan 'The Freak' Wells is the last straw. You know as well as I, that if you attacked me before a match, instead of after, I would dismantle you. Unfortunately for you, you've now pissed me off, and revenge will be the Vanity's.
Rich: Complete domination, Vans just took care of that boy in under four minutes, and to be honest he didn’t even look to be in second gear
Herb: All true, but he did face a guy with the nickname jobber
Rich: Still impressive :P
Herb: I’m getting through my earpiece that the backstage brawl is still going! We’re going to cut to it now
KiLLA and Brandon have now moved away from the interview area and are now brawling at the gorilla position. KiLLA is split open at the head and looks to have taken the majority of the beatdown
Brandon kicks KiLLA in the leg as he tries to stagger away from Medeiros. Medeiros then follows up by whipping him into the wall
Brandon charges his, looking to follow up on his advantage, but KiLLA gets a boot up, knocking Medeiros backwards
KiLLA capitalises on his advantage by charging Brandon while he is still stunned, knocking him inside out with a huge clothesline.
With Brandon down, KiLLA looks around for a weapon for him to use. His sights set on a toolbox left on the floor, and from it pulls a screwdriver
Brandon has made it to his feet by the time KiLLA comes back to attack him with the screwdriver
Herb: He’s going to stab him!
Just as KiLLA is bringing the screwdriver down, Brandon gets his boot up and kicks him in the gut, doubling him over and causing him to drop the screwdriver
Herb: Thank God
Brandon follows up with a spinning back thrust kick straight into KiLLA’s head, sending him sprawling
Rich: We’re going to leave the action here again for a little while, but we’ll be back soon
Rob Rage is in his lockeroom, sporting his new Made in Britain T-Shirt
Rob: Wow, it’s all kicking off here tonight in Manchester England! *Big payoff for that cheap pop* Only in Britain do you get a crowd like this, nowhere else. Today is my glorious return to England, five months ago I set off to the States in search of fame and glory, and five months later I return not only a Universal Champion, but also the number one contender for a world f’in title! *Pop goes the weasel, scrap that, pop goes Manchester* I think it’s fair to say I’ve been fairly successful. So I come back to the country I grew up in, and get the warmest response a guy could ask for. Everything is going perfectly. That is until some knob jockey by the name of Horus Black decides that he wants to take over Fury and puts me in a match for the number one contendership, which I had already won, against Hanz, who I had already beat.
Horus, I can tell you don’t like me, and I can tell you don’t want me to be champion. Well tough shit mate, because there isn’t nothing you can do about it. You can throw a thousand fucking hurdles in my way, and I’ll still win the race. Nothing is going to stop my fairy tales happy ending, not you, not Hanz, not nobody! And you can say this with me
AND YOU DO KNOW THAT!!!!!!
*CJ is walking through a Desert when he decides to sit down and catch his breath*
CJ: How the fuck did I get here? I didn't think there were any Deserts in New York! I'm sooo tired!
*A sound of a Helicopter become louder and louder and CJ looks up. There, landing a Helicopter right next to him is none other than the Queen of England*
*The Helicopter Doors open and out walks the Queen. She walks over to CJ, pulls out a cigarette from her handbag and lights it*
Queen: You remind me of someone... You’re not Christopher Jackson are you?
CJ: I am! I am! And you’re the Queen right?
Queen: Call me Lizzie, we're all friends here
CJ: Why are you flying a Helicopter Liz?
Queen: Well Kate and William are playing Scrabble, Harry is out getting pissed and Charles is just a dick.
CJ: What about Phillip?
Queen: Masturbating to a picture of Rihanna. God knows what goes through his head sometimes...
CJ: Listen, I know we've just met and what not, but is there any chance of a lift back to Manchester?
Queen: Sure! But first...
*She leans into Christopher and kisses him passionately*
I need you to do me a favour first...
Herb: Welcome back to EWA and w-
Rich: Wait, look up on the stage
Brandon Medeiros is lying on the stage at the top of the ramp. KiLLA walks out after him. Both guys are now split open, and blood is everywhere
Herb: They’re still going at it, I’d totally forgot about them
Rich: You silly twat
KiLLA lifts Brandon to his feet, and then pushes him down the ramp. He falls awkwardly and rolls down it to ringside
KiLLA swaggers down the ramp, clearly confident that he is going to be the only one walking away from this fight
Just as KiLLA is about to reach the ring, Medeiros slides back into the ring
Rich: Well that just pissed my man KiLLA off
Herb: Your man?
Rich: It’s street talk nigga!
Herb: Be careful who you say that to, or you’ll get stabbed
KiLLA follows Brandon into the ring
He goes for a clothesline…
But Brandon matrixes it
And catches him with a backflip kick!
Herb: Yeah! What a move there by Medeiros
KiLLA is sent staggering backwards, and uses the ropes to keep himself up
Brandon charges at him
OVERHEAD RELEASE BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!
OVER THE TOP ROPE!
THROUGH THE AIR!
AND THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!!!!!!
Herb: HOLY SHIT!
Rich: By Gawd!
Herb: We need EMTS out here right now, Brandon could be dead
As if on cue (anybody says it’s staged and I’ll kill them) a medical team rush down to the ringside area and begin checking on Brandon
Herb: I think it’s best if we take another commercial break now, Brandon could be seriously hurt here
We re-join the show and Brandon is being taken out on a stretcher with his neck in a brace
Rich: Welcome back to EWA Fury. You join us to see Brandon Medeiros being carted out on a stretcher after some domination by KiLLA
Herb: It certainly was devastating. I wish Brandon a speedy recovery, but after a move like that, he’s probably going to be out for a while
Rich: That’s what you get when you mess with a man the calibre of KiLLA
Herb: Please fantasise about KiLLA in a dark room on your own, that way nobody has to see or hear about it
Here come Two of a Kind
Paul Conrad and Kid Wonder make their way down the ramp to a chorus of boos. They just smile and hold up the belts
Conrad: The gold doesn’t lie ladies and gentlemen
Wonder: Best tag team in the world right here!
Herb: We have here a Champion vs. Champion match of sorts
Rich: That’s right, one half of the tag team champions Paul Conrad is going to be taking on the TV champion Jack Phenix
Herb: After an impressive win by The Turnes earlier tonight, the challengers for their titles at Untamed Khaos, Two of a Kind need to pick up at least one victory to keep up their momentum. It’s not going to be an easy task though, as both Jack Phenix and Broc, as that’s who Kid Wonder is scheduled to face later on, are top class athletes and don’t pick up too many losses
It’s the TV champion
Rich: Phenix finds himself in exactly the same position though. His opponent for Untamed Khaos, G-Scorp, also picked up a win here tonight against HOS. Something has to give in this match
As Phenix is halfway down the ramp, G-Scorp runs down behind him with a steel chair in hand.
Phenix hears him, and turns around only to be met by a wicked chair shot to the head
Rich: And it may be Jack’s skull after that shot. Wicked!
G-Scorp isn’t finished though, and gives him another chair shot for good measure. The chair is now completely bent out of shape from the ferocity of the attack
Herb: This was going to be a great match, one of the huge draws for this card, and G-Scorp has deprived us of it.
Rich: Naww, sad panda
G-Scorp still isn’t finished, and lifts Phenix back to his feet. He positions him on the side of the ramp, then suplexes him, with the small of his back landing on the barricade
Rich: Ouchie, Scorpsters on form today
G-Scorp STILL isn’t finished. He picks up the chair again, and with Jack Phenix still balanced on the barricade, hit him in the face causing him to fall awkwardly between the ramp and barricade
Herb: I know I must sound like a broken record, but enough is enough
But G-Scorp STILL isn’t finished. With Phenix stuck in the small gap between the ramp and barricade, G-Scorp positions his foot on his throat and pushes down with all his strength
Herb: Come on, somebody has to stop this. Phenix is defenceless, and G-Scorp is going trying to kill him!
Rich: I’m sure he’ll let him go just before that stage; I’ve heard he’s really a nice guy
The Security team run down the ramp and pull G-Scorp away. Not a second too soon, as Phenix is convulsing as they lift him out and has regurgitated what looks like his previous meal all over himself
Rich: That’s disgusting and no way for a TV champion to behave. #Fire_Phenix
Herb: You’re a complete dick, you know that don’t you
Conrad: Very well done G-Scorp. Nah I mean it well done on ripping off these fans
You see everyone knows we are the greatest team ever to E-Fed so we decided to make your tickets worth twice as much by competing in singles competition yet G-Scorp takes out my opponent before I could Conrad crush the fucker so G-Scorp... you’re gonna get what’s coming to ya!
*Fans are actually stating to cheer*
We decided that we were not going to just enter singles competition see but no...... we wanted to make an instant impact so just like the way we are dominating the tag team division, we are going to take over the singles scene so me and Kid thought what better ways to take over was for me to take out the T.V. Dinner champion and for Kid Wonder to beat the Undefeated Broc.
Kid Wonder: Whoah whoah Conrad Let me ask you something?
Wonder: What’s the definition of undefeated
Conrad: Ummm someone who has never lost
Wonder: Exactly, you see Broc you can walk around telling everyone I’m undefeated, I’ve never lost well guess what? I can say that as well, so can my buddy Mad Dog up in here, and not only that Wack Jack can claim he is undefeated hell even the this goofy camera guy can walk around saying he’s undefeated even my 4 year old cousin could walk out here and say she’s undefeated..... You know what all these people and you have in common? you have never face Kid Wonder cause everyone that has faced me in any E-Fed has never beaten me you know what that means Broc.... I end streaks and tonight I end your because I am Kid Wonder and I MEAN BUSINESS!!
Herb: Well Wonder seems pretty confident about him ending Broc’s streak. We’re about to find out if he can back it up
And he’ll have to get through this guy to do it
Herb: Which is no easy task
Rich: This is Kid Wonder we’re talking about here, of course he’ll beat him
Herb: Double or nothing?
*watch up to 9:07*
Herb: What an even match this has been, and thankfully Conrad is yet to get involved. Broc’s up top and… dammit I spoke too soon, Conrad is up on the ring apron
While Broc and Wonder are battling on the top rope, Conrad is up on the ring apron distracting the ref
Wonder has Broc set up for the superplex
Rich: HOLY SHIT!!! I think Broc just broke Kid Wonder’s nose! Blood is flying everywhere!
Needless to say Wonder has now fallen off of the top rope, and is lying prone on the floor. However, the ref is still occupied with Conrad
Van Hooligan is sprinting down the ramp, cricket bat in hand
Broc hasn’t noticed him, and prepares for some form of aerial move from the top rope
Just as Broc is about to dive off the top rope, VHX leaps up from the floor to the ring apron and nails Broc with his bat to the side of the head (Triple H with sledgehammer-esque) sending Broc flying through the air and crotching him on the ropes
Every male in the arena wince in unison
Broc falls into the ring
Conrad lets the ref go
Broc’s foot is on the rope
Conrad pushes Broc’s foot off the rope
The ref checks the ropes, no feet on them to be seen
Rich: That’ll be another ten quid
Herb: Oh for fucks sake, it took three men, a cricket bat, an ill placed rope, and several accounts of cheating to beat Broc
Rich: Don’t you just love it when a plan comes to fruition! No longer can Broc brag about being undefeated in EWA, as, well, he’s not
Herb: Well no shit Sherlock. Oh for Christ’s sake, they’re not finished. I would say there is no need for this, but nobody seems to listen
Conrad, Wonder and Hooligan are all in the ring, stomping on Broc
Wonder: *clutching his broken nose* You break my nose; I break your back asshole!
Turnes to the rescue!
Herb: Yeah, let’s go Turnes!
Rich: They’re outnumbered; they’re just going to get added to the body count
VHX and TOAK look at each other. They have the numbers advantage, they should be fine right?
Turnes slide into the ring
Conrad swings at Rob
Rob ducks and hits a blue thunder bomb!
Wonder goes for a big boot on Luke
Luke slides underneath
Kid turns around
Luke jumps up and smashes his knee right into Wonder’s already broken nose
Herb: You want to retract that statement Rich?
Both Turnes turn (see what I did there ;)) their attention to our resident sports hooligan
VHX looks first at Rob, then at Luke
He’s outnumbered, but does have his trusty cricket bat in hand
He bails from the ring and runs off with his tail between his legs
Rich: He’ll get revenge, just wait and see
Herb: I’ll be waiting for Broc to get his hands on him after tonight, that’s for sure. We’re going to go for our last commercial break now, see you on the other side
Herb: Welcome back to EWA Fury. It’s main event time, let’s hand it over to Lillian for the introductions
Lillian: It’s now time for our main event matchup of the evening. It is scheduled for one fall and on the line is the number one contendership for the EWA Fury World Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first, the current number one contender, from Buckingham England *Big Pop*, the Best of British *Bigger Pop* Rob RAGE! *HUGE POP* (think CM Punk in Chicago sized pop times two)
Rich: Holy shit, I can’t even hear myself think
*Rob comes out and the crowd becomes deafening*
Herb: I think these guys may like him, just a little
*Rich can’t hear due to him having his hands over his ears*
Lillian: And his opponent
The cheers immediately turn to boos, although they are still just as deafening*
[COLOR=#00FFFF]Lillian: Accompanied by the leader of Croft’s Limited Gerald Croft and his Butler Brutus Smith, from Germany *never goes down well in England*, the superior technician, ]Hanz Gruber
Herb: And they really don’t like these guys
Rich: Carry on with this commentary and you’ll end up as unemployed as Carlos Alberto Ramon
*Herb whispers something to Rich*
Rich: He’s back? Ah shit… Anyway, I don’t see why they don’t like Croft’s Limited, they should be home country heroes. I have heard Mancunians are pretty stupid though…
*A fan hears this and lobs a beer bottle at Rich, knocking him out cold*
Herb: I shouldn’t but lol
*Watch up to 10:54*
Herb: Rage has got Croft! This is gonna be good
The ref gets in between the two men, but Rage won’t let go
Smith pulls down on Croft’s legs, pulling him to the floor, but Rob still won’t let go. The ref, Rage, Croft and Smith all go crashing to the floor
Only two men land on their feet, Rage & Smith
Now only Rob is standing
Rich: Well that was uncalled for
Rob slides back into the ring, and ducks a clothesline from Hanz the runs the ropes
Hanz charges at Rob
Rob charges at Hanz
Hanz goes for a crossbody
Rob goes for a crossbody
Huge collision in the ring! Both men are down
Rich: In fact, everybody around ringside is down…
Cue Alex Kidd, who runs down the ramp and slides into the ring
Herb: Oh for Christ’s sake, not this jack-off
Rich: There is nothing wrong with jacking off over Christ, you gotta be PC
With Rob still down, Kidd grabs him around the waist from behind
Rich: Styles Clash to Rage!
Hanz positions Hanz on top of Rob, but the ref is still out
Alex Kidd turns around to look for the ref…
Herb: Holy shit when did Archangel get out here?
SAVIOR’S WAY TO KIDD!
Herb: Oh shut the fuck up!
Archangel turns the pin over, so Rob is on top of Gruber
Croft and Smith are now back onto their feet
Archangel soars out of the ring with a tope con hilo
Croft and Smith are now back on their backs
Rich: And yet again everybody at ringside is down. That can only mean one thing
Out comes Horus Black with a chair in hand (it’s almost like these things are planned)
Herb: No! No way! He’s the GM of PAIN!, what’s he doing out here in a Fury matchup?
Rich: He’s making a statement
Herb: That’s your answer to everything
Rich: Yer, true, got a problem?
Horus makes his way into the ring, and raises the chair above his head
Suddenly a huge crashing sound is heard, and the Queen’s helicopter breaks through the roof of the arena
Herb: What. The. Heyul?
CJ is hanging from a rope ladder protruding from the Royal chopper. He holds his hands up to his mouth and screams
Sadly though, CJ forgets he is hanging from a rope ladder some 40 meters in the air, and by raising his hands to his mouth he has let go
The whole fifty meters
Straight onto Horus Black
Rich: Holy shit, at least one of them has to be dead
EMTs rush the ring and carry both men out on stretchers
Herb: Well that was a bit of a crappy line there by Roba…
Meanwhile, in the ring, Hanz has made it back to his feet in the centre of the ring while Rob has pulled himself up in the turnbuckle
Rich: I almost forgot there was a match still going on
Hanz charges at the corner and leaps into the air, and goes for a running double high knee
Rob moves out the way at the last second and both of Hanz’s knees go crashing into the corner
Hanz makes his way back to his feet, still clutching at his knees
Rob takes advantage of this, and grabs the reverse of Hanz’s knee, setting him up for
Rich: Oh God no!
Herb: Oh God yes! It’s Rage Bomb TIME!
Rob hoists him up into the air in the fisherman’s suplex position, then drops him down into the RAGE BOMB!
Herb: No body kicks out of this
Rich: Come on Hanz, be the first
*The crowd absolutely erupts!*
Herb: YEAH! Rob retains his number one contendership!
Herb: What’s the matter Rich, got nothing to say?
Rich: He still won’t get past Kidd. Nobody can get lucky three times in a row
Herb: That’s all we have time for tonight. Thanks for watching, from EWA and Manchester, goodnight
The cameras fade to black as you see Rob dive into the crowd and crowd surf around his native crowd’s arena
My very first filler!!!!!!!!! Can not believe Rob or Destruction did steal this one, lol.
Anyways, PAIN! will be posted within the next few days- just a few more things have to be finished with it.
The semi-finals(two matches) for the PAIN! World Heavyweight Belt will take place on the show. The two winners of those matches will go on to Untamed Khaos and the first PAIN! champ will be named.