Fan Mail with Simon Cole!
Hello douchebags. My name is Simon Cole and I am going to be the one to read your stupid fan mail so letâ€™s begin.
This first one is from pauadrian and they writeâ€¦
â€œI have a statement to makeâ€¦HWA is better!â€
Yes, HWA is better than JBW. Now I am going to go home and fuck my wife Sandra Bullock and be untalented at acting because in this dimension that you are apparently living in, I am Ryan Reynolds.
On to the second piece of Fan Mail and this one is from Clive and he writesâ€¦
â€œHello, please may you ask K-Jammin why he is the best in the business? Thanks.
From ermmm.. Cliveâ€
Now usually we wouldnâ€™t give in to your demands you terrorist but since you are one of the first to send us fan mail, we went on ahead and sent your question to K-Jammin himself and this is how he repliedâ€¦
â€œThis is extremely flattering Clive, however it's not rocket science. It all comes down to genetics, I am genetically better than everyone else. End of.
Because you asked such a good question, im sending you the brand new K-Jammin T-shirt, your welcome.â€
I hope that answers your question Clive, you douchebag. Now on to the third piece fan mail. This one is from ilikeitrough and she writesâ€¦
â€œI am a huge fan of The Alpha Dog and I heard a something about him becoming a Giggalo. I was wondering how I could come in to contact with him about his service and how much it would cost.â€
Are you deaf and blind? The Alpha Dog has been very open about his new side business. He has a commercial for it and, in said commercial, he gave out his cell phone number and a website for it. Also, if you have to ask how much his service is, you probably canâ€™t afford it, although if your attractive and since he is now single, heâ€™ll probably dominate you for free. He is quite the manwhore.
Our next piece of fan mail comes from...theviperisgod... and he writes...
"With Ryusuke "Shuriken" Serra now being a Jabester, how long will it be until Psycho?! Siaki returns and gives the fans the dream match of the century?"
Well, let's see. With Psycho Siaki currently in jail for assault, it will probably be quite a while before that match can even be considered. Yes this is a Jabe fan wet dream ready to happen but we all will just have to wait.
Our last piece of fan mail comes from Ma$$mark and he writes...
"Does JBW have their eyes set on any indy efed talents?"
Oh yeah. Huh Jason Alexander, The Prophecy, HolyJose, and Azeral. Those four have really been under JBWs radar.
Now that is it for this segment of fan mail. PM your fan mail to either JBW Magazine Fan Mail or zapphoman and we will see about humiliating you on a public forum. Until then, go fuck yourselves.
Now it is time for the moment you all have been waiting for. The Kashdinero Shoot Interview conducted by Jman! I can't wait to see some reactions!
Jman: Kash my man, I wanna thank you for requesting that I be the guy to do this interview.
Kash: Your the absolute best guy for the job, but here's a little shoot straight off the bat. I saw Zapph talking about the magazine on the Jabe thread, and as we were both on line I shot him a sly PM asking about this interview thing. His reply was something along the lines of..
"Uhh, OK, but I'm not really good at the question thing."
Instantly I knew it was the wrong choice to ask Zapph, and almost as instantly as I realised my error, I then realised another error I made, as the only real choice to do this shoot thing was you, bruv, so shame on me, right? Right. So, like, totally hit me up with those questions, my friend, you've got a magazine to publish.
Jman: Alright bruv, letâ€™s get to it. Before you took over JBW, Dubs was running things. What do you think of the job he did? Could youâ€™ve done better?
Kash: Double question straight off the bat, eh? Sort of putting me on the spot to see where what sort of tone will be held throughout this thing. OK, lets start from the begining... If it wasn't for Dubs, I would have NEVER EVER even looked into this EFedding lark, as it all just seemed so silly to me. However... when I saw that WWTNA Mark had started up an EFed I HAD to check it out, as the old Dubs was always worth a giggle. Upon my first viewing of the thread I now consider my cyber home, I read the Ape's and the Bodom's and whoever else's posts that were blatantly putting the ultimate instigators attempt at creating competition for EWNCW down, and mocking him. I however decided to go the opposite route and "throw my name into the hat". I told Dubs to "use me however you want.", and my debut (as Kashdinero Vs Tripps88) went in my favour. Then I started seeing all of these cool bio's from yourself, thedag, Sau and others, and I thought "yep, that's a bit of me, right there", and I created the Ma$$Dinero bio. It wasn't hard, as I've been Ma$$ in real life for the past thirty one years. Raps were my promos, and I used to send them to Dubs week after week, and I loved the progression of the character, but working with Dubs was a nightmare sometimes. Dude was so protective of Kayfabe it's not true, and one time, me and SilverCena (SilverMass>GodMoney bTw) typed up a WHOLE FUCKING RAP, and sent it to him, also asking him to have Trips and Scotty attack us after the rap was finished..... When I read Warfare (it wasn't WARFare back then... In the old days... Ahh, the old days.) I was actually gobsmacked to see that the bossman had only put in the first eight bars of the "track" before Tripps and Scottland (his favourite robots back then) attacked us. I PM'd him to say wTf, and he said, something like, "but you said to have them attack you".... I really wanted to say, "then why the fuck did we type the WHOLE THING OUT!?!?", but I think I said "ahh, no worries bossman, I'll just post it in the thread." Anyway, what do I think of the job he done? Man, he did a fucking marvellous job, he may have been a little tight lipped with his talent, but that's the way he ran his ship, and as I was a JBW fan, who am I to argue? I like to liken my style of doing this to the opposite way. I'm all up for letting guys come up with their own shit, and just going for it in the promos and segments they send me. If Dubs is Vince, then I'm Paul Heyman. But the bottom line has to be along the lines of.. Dubs is awesome, and the dedication he had to JBW should never be put into question. I could/would never have started an EFed from scratch like he did, but now I am familiar with the guys, I'm pretty sure I can atleast take WARFare to new heights, and at the very least freshen it up a bit. So, no, I couldn't have done a better job than him then, but you better fucking believe I wanna do a better job than he did now. Who wouldn't?
Jman: How far in advance of RotT did he PM you to say â€œHey man, I quit and Iâ€™m putting you in chargeâ€?
Kash: About a month before RotT, Dubs posted in Miami that he was taking a break, and I instantly knew that one of the Miami 5 would have to fill that spot, and looking around the room I kinda caught my reflection in the mirror, took a second glance and thought, that's the guy who has to cover. That's the guy who needs to at least write WARFare, and steer the ship in a positive direction. So, I PM'd Dubs, and told him I'd take over when he left. Dubs agreed it was a good idea. But what most don't know, is if I didn't think I was the best guy for the job, then I would never have asked him. It's a massive and daunting task, but I'm doing alright, I think. I just need a break in my sometimes hectic real life/JBW schedule to sit down and truly evaluate the situation. See, Dubs never left me a list or anything, and I just started from scratch. Not bitching, just telling you how it was, and to tell the truth, it had to be that way. I wouldn't have done what he'd asked anyway. Lol.
Jman: The very first episode of WARfare after you took the reins was full of surprises. Not the least of which was SGâ€™s longtime EWNCW main eventer Shuriken debuting and winning the championship. How much of that move was because SG is a friend, how much was because Snairâ€™s run had been insanely long, and how much was just to send a message that â€œthis is a new eraâ€?