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Random Thoughts: Very Unspecial Lated Edition of Raw: 5-6-2013

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Okay, so after a work schedule that caused me to miss the last couple of weeks, and being sick with either the sniffles or the bird flu, I finally can do this admittedly late edition of Random Thoughts. Warning, I'm going off of poorly written notes, so my blog may be less than godly.

Main Attraction: Raw - May 6th, 2013

Cena Comedy Hour

So Cena comes out, and because some idiot continues to tell him that he’s funny, decides to grace us with his latest comedy routine...imitating Daniel Bryan’s yes’s and no’s.

Gee, and now I hate Daniel Bryan by extension of John Cena. You see the power this man has?

Vickie Guerrero then comes out, and the bottom front half of her dress seems to be missing. Either that or that’s a cape and she’s a Super Villian. Anyway, after plugging Extreme Rules (because they won’t be doing that at all for the rest of the night), she calls Ryback out and offers Cena a chance to choose the match for Extreme Rules. But nooooo...we have to deal with more of Cena’s clever jokes Who wrote his script? The same idiots that did that Caveman show?

Don’t remember it? Bless your heart.

Ryback knows a good opportunity when he sees it, and chooses a LAST MAN STANDING match!!!! Awesome!

Ah, but a bit of interesting back story is revealed. Cena owes Ryback $1.60, THAT SONUVABITCH!!!!

Never Have an Oops Moment with Orton

So after Orton comes out, Sandow comes walking into the ring, singing much needed updated lyrics for Orton's theme song, but it turns out that he's not very appreciative of it, as he starts to beat the living snot out of Sandow.

Orton with a bad temper? Ha, so out of character.

After a decent match, Orton has Sandow where he wants him. The voices begin to talk to him. He proceeds to hit the ground and do his trademark...crap, Sandow got up too soon.

Ah, it's okay. Orton tends to be very forgivi...ummm...well I mean everyone makes mistakes. No big deal. Just look at Kofi Kingsto...oh...

Sandow will look great on NXT.

And now, in a brilliant production decision, knowing when the script says just when Big Show will attack Orton, they decide to keep the camera on the announce team, missing the attack. That's like missing the winning goal in an Stanley Cup final game, you just don't do that. What makes this even stupider is that wrestling IS SCRIPTED. You know when the action is going to take place, so tell the monkeys in that production van to cut to it right before it happens.

WWE threatens us with a Fandango appearance. BRING IT ON!!!!


But before that, Jericho comes out to announce that he and a team of judges would be scoring Fandango. Tons of Funk comes out...and this is probably the moment when tons of asses made their way to the toilet.

I wouldn't trust these two to judge a hot dog eating contest. And I don’t know...I think the judges were paid off cause Fandango’s scores were too high. Anything above a -34 seems suspicious.

As far as the match, it was all just a set up to have Fandango pout and walk out of the match...and for R-Truth to say “What’s Up!”

That’s how you capitalize on the Fandango craze...have him walk out of a match. Truly there are geniuses in the WWE.

On a plus side I was happy to learn I missed the Fandango vs Great Khali dance off last week.

Kane Steps in for Goat Face

After showing a recap of Daniel Bryan’s loss to Ryback and being jumped by The Shield, he’s given an interview in the back where he challenges Ryback to a rematch. Ryback shows up, tells Bryan to screw off, and is then challenged by Kane. We’re left to assume that the challenge is accepted as the match is announced after a commercial break.

Another Ziggler Loss...But Not Too Bad Still (RANT ALERT!!!)

Why? Because it was a damn good finish. Swagger comes out in the middle of the match. and towards the end, all hell breaks loose. Big E throws Del Rio into Swagger, and Swagger cleans house. Unfortunately my notes are a bit incomplete here, but I have been impressed with Swagger lately. I think they're doing a better job building him up as a major threat here than they did for his Wrestlemania match. I know there aren't a lot of fans of Jack Swagger's...well, existence, but you gotta give credit where credit is due. As much as I was also waiting for a Dolph Ziggler title run like everyone else, I can't help but to wonder how a Jack Swagger title run would've been. I mean, he had a great reboot in my opinion, has a great manager speaking for him, which I think was brilliant because a good speaker Swagger is not, and the vibe for him was strong. Of course that DUI ruined it all for him, but I can't help to be curious about the what if.

Now on the other hand, Del Rio's face turn has been a bore, the fact that he gets a good reaction from the crowd shows that the WWE universe truly is sheep, and Dolph Ziggler as a champ has been...well, shown to be pretty weak. I know the logic behind portraying him like this, in order to make him look like a vulnerable champion and make his title defenses look that more spectacular...that's stupid. I will stand alone on that point if I have to, but I declare that it is stupid. Now I'm not saying that he should be winning cleanly a lot, oh no. He is a heel after all. He should be cheating to win...a lot. And should've had a lot of cheat to wins under his belt before winning the belt. Because if your cheating to win a lot, it makes the character look just as vulnerable without devaluing him, which is what I feel all of these losses have done to him. And then if you have him go over cleanly at a PPV event, it still gives it that WOW factor. Having him lose all the time and just planning to have him win at PPVs does the exact opposite. It shows that he's not worthy to carry the belt and that every now and then, he's fortunate enough to pull one out of his ass every now and then, but that doesn't make him look like a good champion. I know I'm in the minority here, but I feel that Ziggler has been poorly managed by creative so far this year.

...kinda went off topic here...lets just move on.

Is It Really a Mystery?

So Kaitlyn tries to figure out the mystery of who her crus...Hornswoggle. It's Hornswoggle. Everything is Hornswoggle, come on. We're not going to be suckered again. VKM's son? Hornswoggle. Mystery GM? Hornswoggle. Disgraceful end to Cruiserweight title? Hornswoggle. Didn't flush the toilet? Hornswoggle. Didn't wash his hands? Hornswoggle. Who shot JR? Hornswoggle. See a pattern!?

This is a mystery that even The Great Khali can solve.... take that back.

Shield + Y = Freebirds? (RANT ALERT!!!! AGAIN)

So the Shield takes on the team of Kofi Kingston and The Usos. I would say poor bastards but...everyone looked good. It was great to see The Usos perform on Raw and do an impressive job with it. Kofi Kingston had a good match, and they at least did look formidable against The Shield. Now of course they would lose in the end, but I think everyone came out as winners in what I say was the best match of the night.'s my issue, and don't I usually have one. JBL constantly compared The Shield to The Freebirds. He made a reference comparing them to The Four Horsemen as well, but he constantly compared them to The Freebirds so much that he was trying to have us believe The Freebirds were wrestling in that ring at the time. The Freebirds may have been one of the greatest stables in the history of wrestling, if not the greatest. And I mean the original incarnation, not the reboot they did years later. They were constantly feuding with The Von Erich's, one of the greatest feuds ever, for the six man tag team championship, a title I would like to see revived but the WWE can't even do a competent tag team division. The Freebirds was quite frankly legendary, and these guys are before my time. Just look them up on YouTube.

So to compare The Shield to The Freebirds...look, it's not that I don't think that The Shield is a great stable. I think twenty or twenty-five years down the road, The Shield should be inducted into The Hall of Fame, if it still exists by then. But I do think the comparison is unfair and will raise some eyebrows among wrestling fans. Both are great stables but the one thing The Freebirds had going for them that unfortunately The Shield doesn't have going is a great rivalry. They were a great trio, but the rivalry with the Von Erich's, made them legendary. It's not a requirement for a stable to have a rivalry with another stable to be considered great, but it does make the comparison unfair to both of them. The Shield has been fighting mainly alliances of superstars that usually ended after a pay per view. There just isn't a face stable to rival with for them. It doesn't exist right now.

That isn't meant to take away from The Shield, but rather just show that honestly, they're both cut from two entirely different pieces of cloth. I don't know if JBL came up with it himself or if the powers that be told him to hammer it to the audience, but I do think the bare bones comparison is poor because they're both different, but great.

Cesaro Finally Looks Good

I guess he's off punishment for stepping on McMahon's uncle's brother's nephew's cousin's cat's tail. Ryder on the other hand...

Brock/HHH hype. But...

I'm not hyped for it. I don't know, I mean Lesnar trashing HHH's office was good (and we got a Lesnar/Rock teaser for Wrestlemania 30), and Heyman is as always superb, but I think the problem is I don't want to see this match up again, or at least so soon after Wrestlemania. So Rock has seemingly bailed on the WWE. So you're worried about buy rates. Well, we have six weeks between Wrestlemania and Extreme Rules. So why don't we put on our thinking caps, the one that doesn't involve Hornswoggle, and think of a new feud to build up between two mid carders that could in the end steal the show. Six weeks is more than enough time build a compelling feud that the people will not only enjoy, but thank the WWE for since they do have to pay in upwards of fifty dollars for an ev...GOD DAMN IT, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE HORNSWOGGLE INTERFERE IN THE HHH/BROCK MATCH, AREN'T YOU!!!!!

Bathroom Break

Six diva rear end...Bella twins are bitches....NEXT!

Let's see what he do

Mark Henry comes out, after taking a dump (or he's sweating like he took one) and calls the crowd puppets.

...that'll be a gold star for you Mr. Henry.

Sheamus comes out, and as these two are about to duke it out, Wade Barrett comes out to ruin the fun. Rude prick, how dare you come out for your match!!!

It's short and predictable, Henry gets annoyed by Michael Cole (who wouldn't) and gets psyched out by Sheamus. Uh-oh, me thinks he won't like that.

And I was right as after Sheamus wins, Mark Henry proceeds to whip him like his bitch, telling him to tell him something funny.

You know, if I was being whipped by Mark Henry, I would at least telling him why the chicken crossed the road...anything to keep him from whipping me.

The Meh Event

It wasn't bad, standard match and no complaints really, other than Ryback's tit popping out...seriously, it looks like Ryback has boobs and one of them is popping out. Disturbing. Ryback wins...I believe, I didn't write the winner in my notes...Shield comes out, Cena comes out, Ryback walks away, Ryback comes back and attacks Cena with a chair, end scene.

Eh...lets get to the conclusion.


I'm sorry, I'm just not excited for Extreme Rules. I feel that it should be speeding to a showdown, but in the end it's a long, hard, painful slog. And I missed episodes, so shouldn't I not be feeling drained compared to a regular viewer. The show itself wasn't special. I loved the six man tag and the finish to the Del Rio-Ziggler match. But everything else from matches to promo was only at best, decent. I'm sorry, I just wasn't impressed overall. And with a dirt sheet claiming that the writers basically go week by week with scripts, rather than a long, planned out, structured script, well...week to week is exactly how this show feels.

I'll give it three Hornswoggle ideas of him winning the WHC out of five.

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  1. goodomens's Avatar
    AWESOME!!!!!!! make more of these please

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