Random Thoughts: Raw 4-8-13
by, 04-09-2013 at 02:36 PM (5278 Views)
Well, one of the safest Wrestlemanias is over. Vince McMahon finished his orgasm that was Rock-Cena II, everything was a story book ending, there were no big surprises or twists. The Universe is in perfect balance and it is now time to start the new WWE year.
Probably doesn't help that the new WWE year is starting with the Rock no showing Raw.
Now all we can do is speculate...and speculate I will. Why in the hell did the WWE not know that the Rock was no longer on the Atlantic side of the freakin country till late afternoon? Either Rock did this deliberately, legitimate injury or not, to screw with the WWE, because apparently there's been reported issues lately, or one side or the other is completely incompetent. Either one wouldn't surprise me.
Regardless, no Rock as advertised tonight. If WWE was smart enough to put "Card Subject to Change" on their promotional posters, screw you and your calls for a refund. On to the show!!!
Cena get a Big Surprise
Ah yes, this is the moment Cena was waiting for. He does his gloating, his joking, did the heel turn joke, hahaha, and announces that he'll defend his title against anyone on the roster tonight. And with that comes the man who's beard is made out of the hair of a thousand asses, Mark Henry. So it looks like we got ourselves a main event, a WWE championship main event...that is until the SMACKDOWN General Manager, Booker T, comes out on RAW(!!!) to announce that Mark Henry can't go for the WWE title because Rock is the rightful number one contender. But Booker T does use his powers as SMACKDOWN General Manager to make a match with Mark Henry and John Cena, with Henry getting a title shot if he wins.
Why is Booker T getting involved with this? I guess even if you make the arguement that Mark Henry is on the Smackdown roster, the WWE title is a Raw title (kinda) and the Champion is on the Raw roster. I don't know, this makes me very confused. They could've used Vickie Guerrero, hell, even Brad Maddox to make this announcement. But whatever, the WWE universe is screwed out of a title match as the main event, and since Mark Henry ends up losing anyway, not making it a title match just doesn't make sense, but Creative knows what their doing...right?
Bryan's next jobbing...Big E Langston
Well, it's that time of the night again. It's time to job Daniel Bryan. Although he can have a very successful single's career, they continue to feel the need to job him week in and out in order to show him as the weak link in Team Hell No.
You know, I am so over Team Hell No. It was a good idea, great chemistry, but the joke is getting old. And with what looks to be another confrontation with the Shield being lined up (more on that in a while) it looks like they'll be together past Extreme Rules....
Big E...did good with the time given. It was short and sweet. NEXT!
So you wasted twelve minutes of our life the night before!?
Goes to show you how much the Pre-Show means. The Miz's IC title reign lasts all of...about twenty six hours, with the title going back to Wade Barrett. Now I'm not exactly upset that Wade Barrett is Intercontinental Champion again, although I do think he should be in the main event by now, but is the WWE really looking forward to an undefeated Miz streak at Wrestlemania that he needed to hold the IC title for a day? I don't know, I'm just not feeling it.
Who's in power again?
So Sheamus goes to...meh....Team Bickie, to demand a match with the Big Show tonight. Match approved. Well that makes sense
Randy Orton then goes to the SMACKDOWN General Manager, Booker T, to ask him to overrule the RAW Supervising...Manager...I forget the title, and to let him go against the Big Show tonight. Match approved.
Who the hell does Booker T think he is. I'll admit that I have not seen every episode of Raw this year thus far. Did I miss the Raw episode where Booker T takes up arms against Vickie Guerrero and takes over Raw? I mean what the hell is going on?
Either with America or Against America
So Zeb Coulter, who by the way I think the best manager that WWE has, or at least second to Heyman, comes out asking for the crowd to chant USA USA when Del Rio comes out. Del Rio comes out...no chant.
Wow...what a bunch of terrorists.
Overall the same schtick. Look, just about every match was good tonight, or just not that bad. I really don't have any complaints in that respect, I just about enjoyed all of them...almost all of them. I do think they missed an opportunity to have Zeb Coulter accidentally tag himself in and get the crap beaten out of him by Del Rio. Could've been fun, but whatever. Del Rio wins. His leg is pretty banged up, but he can go home rest assured that he is the World Heavyweight Champion for another nig...OH MY GOD! ZIGGLER IS CASHING IN!!!!!
Time to Show Off
About damn time! I fully expected Ziggler not to cash in at Wrestlemania. Fully expected that this would be the night to do it, and he did. And the crowd, normally a heel crowd in the NYC area I've noticed, simply loved it. This was the best part of the night, with the aftermath of the Fandango match being a close second.
...can't believe I like anything involved with Fandango. More on that later.
Paul Bearer's name just brings trouble
Undertaker comes out, gloating with his win against CM Punk, dedicates his wrestlemania match to Paul Bearer...
And here comes The Shield. I mean really? We cannot do one UNINTERRUPTED segment where we do a tribute to Paul Bearer? I don't care if he wouldn't mind, he's dead. That doesn't make him a freakin prop. But on the plus side, the Brothers of Destruction...and Bryan...unite to keep the Shield at bay, possibly setting up for an Extreme Rules match. This might be too much for even the Shield this time.
And note to self, don't say Paul Bearer's name while walking down an alley. Don't want to get freakin mugged.
I wonder, does Marella scratch his balls with that Cobra before a match? NEXT!
Arguing over scraps
Well, Sheamus and Orton naturally butt heads over who should face the Big Show. WWE Universe makes it resoundly clear that the last thing they want to see tonight is Sheamus (they even did a poll of it), but then out comes Vickie Guerrero and I assume her evil overlord, Booker T, unitely (yea right) announcing a match between the two, with the winner to face the Big Show.
Wow...how the mighty have fallen. Do you know that just a few weeks ago these two were involved in a fatal four way with the winner to face Undertaker.
So the match is good enough, but I think the hilight was the crowd. They were insane! "Ole" "Michael Cole" "HBK" Who the hell organizes these chants anyway? My favorite? "ECW! ECW! ECW!"
Well, Big Show ends the fun between the two and there is no clear number one contender...for the Big Show. He does a good number on Randy Orton and, the poor helpless victims in this rampage, the chairs.
Let's have a moment of silence for those poor chairs.
Da da...da da da da da...
So Fandango is finally set to make his RAW debut, against Kofi Kingston. This is a good match for him. And Wrestlemania was expensive, so there's plenty of people that missed his debut the night before. So to expose him to the rest of the audience is a very good idea.
...HA! Screw you suckers! CUE JERICHO!
In comes Jericho, beats the living hell out of Fandango, hits him with the Code Breaker, and Fandango gets the win by DQ.
...good job Jericho.
My second favorite part of this match is after his name is announced as the winner, Fandango corrects the announcer while lying down in pain, and the crowd goes nuts. I think it was one of the biggest pops of the night. And then the humming...I mean what is this crowd on? I want some of that. Pass it over!
So I guess Punk and Lesnar are coming back next week. And Lesnar is ready to fight. Does that mean he'll have a match next week? Ha! Not if his contract has anything to say about that!
Tons of Crap
There's a reason why the 8 mixed-person tag was left off of Wrestlemania, and showed us why. NEXT!
The Main Event...as ordered by Evil Overlord Booker T
MAIN EVENTS SHOULD LAST LONGER THAN THREE MINUTES. Enough said on that part.
For God Sakes...Feed Him Already!!!
So Ryback comes out, beats the hell out of Mark Henry and then...has an understanding with Cena!? No! That won't cut it! And one Shellshock later, and the Raw crowd goes home happy.
More evidence that McMahon hates Cessaro
So What did I think of Raw? Well...I liked it...a lot. I think some matches were much too short considering this is a THREE HOUR PROGRAM, but the crowd was just amazing. Is it the best Raw ever? No, not in my opinion. My favorite Raw is still from 1994 with the double main event of Razor Ramon vs HBK and Brett Hart vs Crush (was surprised that match was good). But this was undoubtedly the best Raw there had been in a while.
I'll give this four shell shocks out of five.