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Derahk

Derahk's Wrestlemania Predictions

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Here it is again, prediction time. This time it’s for the granddaddy of them all, Wrestlemania. Here we go!

Pre-Show
Intercontinental Championship Match
The Miz (Challenger) vs Wade Barrett (Champion)

I hate to think of the Miz with a loss here. The Miz made a stellar return last year, showing much improved pacing in the ring. Aligning with Ric Flair helped him return to form later only to brought down again by Cesaro. A win here is needed but he already beat Barrett on Raw and what would happen to Barrett?

Winner: Painfully Wade Barrett

World Heavyweight Championship Match
Jack Swagger (Challenger) vs Alberto Del Rio (Champion)

Despite the extreme amount of hype and push surrounding Jack Swagger, I don’t see him emerging as the victor in this match. The obvious reason is the possession charges that are looming for the superstar but there are a few other reasons. Triple H is trying to beef up the importance of the titles by not having them change as often and I believe it is working, a Swagger win would only hurt the title and Del Rio and do very little for Swagger. Finally, the initial excitement around the Swagger angle has faded and what is left is a very effective mouthpiece in the form of Zeb Coulter and an average performer in Swagger. The best business decision here is for Zeb to shed himself of Swagger and pick up a more effective protege.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Chris Jericho vs Fahndahngoh

It’s hard to recall a bigger debut with higher expectations than Fandango. The video packages for Mr. Dango started as early as December and since he has pulled, ironically, a 2012 Chris Jericho refusing, instead of speaking, performing in the ring. I hope all goes well for the dancer, his leg drop two weeks ago was absolutely marvellous. Hulk Hogan and I hope for his sake that it isn’t his finisher given Hogan’s many spinal surgeries.

Winner: FAHNDAHNGOH

Tag Team Championship Match
Zigs ‘N Bigs (Challengers) vs Team Hell No (Champions)

I expect a lot of Ziggler in-ring time especially against ole DB. Kane gets the hot tag from Bryan and then Bigs gets the hot tag from Ziggy for a big man clash. This one is a hard prediction because I believe that creative had no plan for this. They needed to do something with Ziggler and stuck him in this situation. I feel a Hell No split is coming and a six week build for their rivalry would be great but I don’t think it’s necessary for them to lose the belts for the build, at least at this time. This would help Zigglers current stagnation but that is not a new situation for the Show Off and he’ll be ok in the end.

Winner: Team Hell No

No Holds Barred
Triple H (with Shawn Michaels) vs Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman)

This is the ‘so predictable it’s not predictable’ Wrestlemania match of this year, the title usually relegated to the Taker streak match. From a business standpoint, this should be Brock grabbing Triple H’s shovel and burying superstars left and right but Trips himself is in the match so that ain’t happenin’. I would have Shawn, seeing the beating Brock has given and about to give Triple H further, leaps into the ring and superkicks Brock. HHH recuperates, realizes what Michaels has done, gives him the ‘WTF I didn’t want to win this way’ and have Brock take advantage for the win. This sets up a Michaels/HHH bout at WM30 they want with both men being babyfaces.

Winner: Bork Lazer

Hall of Fame Introductions

Piss break #1

Ryback vs Mark Henry

A showcase for Ryback to shell shock Henry.

Winner: Ryback

Six Man Tag
The Shield vs Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show

The Shield has had a lot going for them as far as momentum but the angle is getting stale. Their leader WILL be revealed at Wrestlemania. The most likely to be crowned is Randy Orton. He has been chomping at the bit for nearly a year to make his return as the ‘Apex Bro Douchebag Affliction-Shirt-Wearing Predator.’ That isn’t a knock, I LOVE me some 2007 Randy Orton and would welcome his return. There also is the possibility of Cena but don’t count on it. The WWE is known to make some surprise swerves, I could also see Sheamus making the turn as well.

Winner: The Shield via Randy Orton heel turn

The Streak Match
CM Punk vs The Undertaker

This is the first streak match that actually have people guessing. The first reason is coming from the fans saying that the Undertaker is ‘getting too old for this shit.’ I don’t think he is and I would like to see his final appearance to be at Wrestlemania 30. The biggest reason is from the CM Punk angle, he is the reigning IWC champion, is coming off from the longest WWE title reign in the last 25 years and has had three high profile losses in the last few months. However, the nail in the coffin *wink* is the rumor of his time off post Mania. Not only would the story fit for him to take time off with a loss, but the meaning of a win here would be diminished if he did also. CM Punk is already over and needs no other significant milestone in his career. It would be more effective to give to someone who isn’t over but has major potential like an El Generico. Sorry, not this year.

Winner: 21-0

Diddy Performance

Piss break #2

WWE Championship Match
John Cena (Challenger) vs The Rock (Champion)

A dull match with Cena getting the clean win. This will happen and you will feel robbed, disappointed and questioning why you still watch wrestling just like you felt after the Royal Rumble.

Winner: John Cena

WWE Championship Match In A Dream World
John Cena (Challenger) vs The Rock (Champion)

The Royal Rumble disappointment was all just a planned set up for the finish of this match all along and everything you’ve been waiting and hoping for will come true. The Rock will be cheered and Cena booed out of the stadium. These men will bring everything they have and produce one hell of a match. It will be aggressive, and visceral. John Cena will get the upper hand early with Rock making a triumphant comeback. John Cena will take an absolute beating but will not succumb to the power of the Rock. John will make, what the audience will think, his predictable comeback only to be thwarted again by the Rock. The Rock gets the 1, 2, 3. Out of sheer frustration and anger, Cena attacks the Rock, beating him with his own belt then several FUs. The refs come out to break it up. Cena picks up the belt, looks at the camera, points at the fallen Rock and mouths to the camera ‘The Champ is Here’’ and drops the belt on the Rock. Fade to black. You feel better than you have in years, you make love to your SO for hours, go to work or school, talk to your friends about it, it’s all over the news, people love wrestling again, Raw starts with a big TV14 plastered on the screen, after the being the best Raw in years you switch to the Powerball numbers being drawn and you’ve won 300 million dollars. When that came happen, then and only then will John Cena turn heel.

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Updated 04-03-2013 at 04:37 PM by Derahk

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Comments

  1. PushingForth's Avatar
    This was actually, extremely, well-written. I was not expecting that, I kinda expected another, "NXT does an invasion angle," type of prediction, with a whole slew of grammatical and spelling errors. Kuddos!
  2. smellmycooking's Avatar
    Bork lazer! Best name ever!
  3. El T Draino 316's Avatar
    I like the idea of HBK vs HHH at Mania 30. It would certainly be epic as hell. They've had an underlying tension for nearly 4 years now regarding the "If I can't beat Taker, you can't - I'm better than you if I beat Taker and you couldn't" kind of thing going on. Who wins in that match though? I'd love it if HHH had the stones to let the better wrestler, HBK take the win. Hug it out. BFFFAEAEAEAEAEAEAE.
  4. MrSaito's Avatar
    I like how the piss breaks are written into the match schedule.

    Any thoughts on the Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins vs Tons of Funk and The Funkadactlys match?
  5. Mr. Jay's Avatar
    I'm not gonna lie. A little peeved you called the hall of famers a "piss break". Now I respect your opinions and some in the hall of fame shouldn't be there, but still... I respect it for what it is. Not to mention, this year's lineup isn't that bad. I don't care for trump as a person, but looking at the big picture, he did help wwe a few times in big ways. Plus foley, Trish, Bruno, Booker T, etc. I mean like I said I respect your opinion , but are you a true wwe fan, or even wrestling for that matter?
  6. Derahk's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Jay
    I'm not gonna lie. A little peeved you called the hall of famers a "piss break". Now I respect your opinions and some in the hall of fame shouldn't be there, but still... I respect it for what it is. Not to mention, this year's lineup isn't that bad. I don't care for trump as a person, but looking at the big picture, he did help wwe a few times in big ways. Plus foley, Trish, Bruno, Booker T, etc. I mean like I said I respect your opinion , but are you a true wwe fan, or even wrestling for that matter?
    Wow, your comment had me sitting back and thinking for a moment. First of all, I'm trying to be as objective as possible. I'm not trying to shock or get points from the IWC so I wasn't trying to be mean spirited or be disrespectful in any way. First, there's no doubt I'm a huge WWE fan, though wrestling in general would be debatable. I know most of my history of different the promotions but not a hardcore level like I do WWE. Secondly, I will concede that my love is more towards the business as a whole than any one individual. I don't really have a 'favorite wrestler of all time' however my appreciation extends more to the superstars that a really good at what they do, e.g. Shawn Michaels, Dolph Ziggler etc. I respect the hell out of all the talent inducted into the Hall of Fame this year though I will admit that I don't really care about the Hall of Fame itself. After thinking about it, I realized that I'm not knocking the participants but the event. Not only is it boring and brings the event to a halt but it's also awkward not only to myself but to the inductees as well. They come out and have this forced grin on their face while thinking about what they should be doing. Why not be more exciting? I would have them do something that made their character special, even if it was playing their ring entrance. Play their music, they run into the ring, and then run out. Bruno would be tough given I don't think he had music but they could do SOMETHING. The Hall of Fame induction ceremony is somber and respectful and you watch it with that in mind but this is Wrestlemania! let's have some fun! It's like going to a party, the music is loud, people are in conversation, the pizza gets there and the host wants everything quiet to say grace. Is it wrong? No. Is it the right time/place? Ehhh, nothing wrong with saying grace quietly to yourself. But this also extends to the Divas division. The Divas division sucks not because of the talent but because the WWE doesn't care enough to give them A) a long enough time allotment to have a good match but also B) good enough storylines, and in some cases, a storyline at all for us to even care. So in summation, I understand your concern and I apologize for any miscommunication but it not a knock on the talent but how its presented.
  7. Mr. Jay's Avatar
    I see where you're coming from now. But I completely agree with your comments about the divas. I may finally write that blog I've been wanting to write. They need to bring back kharma and utilize natalya and tamina.
    Quote Originally Posted by Derahk
    Wow, your comment had me sitting back and thinking for a moment. First of all, I'm trying to be as objective as possible. I'm not trying to shock or get points from the IWC so I wasn't trying to be mean spirited or be disrespectful in any way. First, there's no doubt I'm a huge WWE fan, though wrestling in general would be debatable. I know most of my history of different the promotions but not a hardcore level like I do WWE. Secondly, I will concede that my love is more towards the business as a whole than any one individual. I don't really have a 'favorite wrestler of all time' however my appreciation extends more to the superstars that a really good at what they do, e.g. Shawn Michaels, Dolph Ziggler etc. I respect the hell out of all the talent inducted into the Hall of Fame this year though I will admit that I don't really care about the Hall of Fame itself. After thinking about it, I realized that I'm not knocking the participants but the event. Not only is it boring and brings the event to a halt but it's also awkward not only to myself but to the inductees as well. They come out and have this forced grin on their face while thinking about what they should be doing. Why not be more exciting? I would have them do something that made their character special, even if it was playing their ring entrance. Play their music, they run into the ring, and then run out. Bruno would be tough given I don't think he had music but they could do SOMETHING. The Hall of Fame induction ceremony is somber and respectful and you watch it with that in mind but this is Wrestlemania! let's have some fun! It's like going to a party, the music is loud, people are in conversation, the pizza gets there and the host wants everything quiet to say grace. Is it wrong? No. Is it the right time/place? Ehhh, nothing wrong with saying grace quietly to yourself. But this also extends to the Divas division. The Divas division sucks not because of the talent but because the WWE doesn't care enough to give them A) a long enough time allotment to have a good match but also B) good enough storylines, and in some cases, a storyline at all for us to even care. So in summation, I understand your concern and I apologize for any miscommunication but it not a knock on the talent but how its presented.

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