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Mooresy29

It's Wrestlemani-YAWN

Rating: 7 votes, 3.29 average.
So it's nearly that time of year again when we the "WWE Universe" (vomit, puke, boke) when we WRESTLING fans look forward to the biggest and supposesdly "best" wrestling card of the year, eagerly counting down the weeks til game day. And while I'm sure many of you are looking forward to the "showcase of the immortals" I for one am not.

Lets be clear, the card will no doubt appeal to anyone under the age of fifteen but proper wrestling fans will be left feeling cheated. Yes I am aware that the card has not been set in stone just yet but with a few matches confirmed (and bad matches at that) I think it's safe to say this card will rival Wrestlemania XXVII as the worst of all time.

The main event IS set in stone and is the single reason why this Wrestlemania WILL be absolutely terrible. "Twice In A Lifetime" or if you buy into all that WWE hype, it's the hilariously titled "Greatness V Redemption"(the worst tagline for a match in recent memory) match that we're all sooooooooo eager to see involving Dwayne V Superman, after the absolute wrestling classic that these two put on last year how could we not want to see a rematch? How could we not want to see Superman win the title from Dwayne which will ONE MILLION PER CENT happen? How could we not want to see the inevitable vomit inducing kid pleasing handshake and hug at the end when Superman wins the day and the torch is passed to him for the hundred millionth time? How could we not look forward to the same old spiel for the next six weeks:

Superman: "I need to win Dwayne, I HAVE TO WIN DWAYNE!" all while staring pensively at the camera as if he's just been told he's got weeks to live. (Also more than likely in an empty arena to give off the underdog role which he will no doubt be playing), expect the commentators to add to the drama by questioning if Cena has "IT" anymore. Rewind and insert said promo in every Raw leading up til Wrestlemaniyawn, sorry Wrestlemania.

Dwayne: "Last year as good as you were I was simply better" and at Wrestlemania your quest for redemption will fail" blah blah blah. Rewind and insert said promo in every Raw leading up til Wrestlemania.

Fast forward six weeks to the "Blandest Stage Of Them All" where no doubt we'll be treated to a semi concert where each wrestler has a recording artist performing to a cheesy video in the same vein as last year showcasing each wrestler's "journey" to the big dance. After what will seem like an eternity of waiting, we'll get the usual fifteen minute staredown before any contact is made, after all the staring, we'll move to a test of strength type contest with each wrestler getting one over on the other to really give you that 50/50 "who's gonna win?" feel (cough Superman).

Anyways on we go til it gets a bit dirtier with each wrestler trying their best to get the win, with neither really getting the upperhand. On we go to the point were they try and better last year's "classic" with each stealing each other's finishing moves in the same way Austin and Rock did (only they did it better) til we finally get to the point where Superman wins with an FU of the top rope or something as dramatic. Cue Cole and Lawler creaming their pants as if they've just been told they've won the lottery, all while over emphasizing the fact that it's been the worst year of Superman's life and "the champ is finally here".

Cut music when we see Dwayne stumbling to his feet, Superman is right there, inches from his face, it looks like they're gonna kiss, but they shake hands and hug, all while the kids in the audience are ludicrously happy and hysterical, both men raise hands, Dwayne leaves the ring so Superman can revel in the occasion, and goes back to Hollywood, and we as Wrestling fans are left to watch Superman hold the title for the fifteen hundredth time and watch the same old spiel we've seen during every single one of Superman's title runs: Superman The Underdog, Superman The Survivior and Superman The Hero.

Can't wait

As always thanks for reading, any comments/banter/critcism is welcome.

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Comments

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  1. Thunderlips's Avatar
    Mate- if you dont like it dont watch -which you will. All for everyone having their oppinion but if you couldnt see this happening the second the 3 count was finished last year then unlucky to you. Sit back- crack another tin and enjoy- who knows you may get your money's worth!
  2. Lego is AWESOME's Avatar
    God I hate it when people say "if you don't like it, don't watch." Duh he likes what he sees except NO ONE WANTS TO SEE WHAT WE KNOW IS GOING TO HAPPEN! I've gone to the last 2 manias and I said to myself that I would go every year from now on, but after the rumble when we all knew what the main event was going to be, I cancelled my trip to NY to go this year. Sad that I have to miss going because of this BS main event. I will be watching with friends from home to watch Punk vs Taker, which is another no brainier who is going to win. Not really looking forward to this mania, not with the matches that have already been announced.
  3. Viperfish's Avatar
    It's like watching a movie. You know the good guys are going to win in the end, but that doesn't mean the movie is automatically shit because of it. You don't go into The Avengers saying "Okay, this movie is going to suck because I know what's going to happen at the end. The Avengers save the world and go back to whatever it is that they were doing before all this happened. Big fucking whoop, I might as well not even watch the movie since I know what happens." Who sits there and says that? It's a joke and it makes you look retarded, but for some reason it's okay to do it for wrestling.

    I personally don't want to see Cena vs Rock again, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the match and can't be entertained by the whole show. If the WWE were to cater to the people that always claim that wrestling is predictable, we'd have a horribly convoluted fuck-heap of a product filled with things that don't make any sense... all in the name of unpredictability.
  4. Beer_Villain's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Viperfish
    I personally don't want to see Cena vs Rock again, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the match and can't be entertained by the whole show. If the WWE were to cater to the people that always claim that wrestling is predictable, we'd have a horribly convoluted fuck-heap of a product filled with things that don't make any sense... all in the name of unpredictability.
    I believe some people tried that once...wasn't it called WCW? (the last years of it)
  5. ArkhosBlack's Avatar
    But Wait : You guys are complaining about ONE match in a card of I-Don't-Know-How-Many-Matches. Stop That, man. I Live in a place where is hard to find a way to watch Wrestlemania, and we don't even have the money to travel to NY. Even if we had, it would be too expensive for us to afford.
    If you don't want to see Rock vs. Cena II, yeah, DON'T WATCH IT. There are a lot of other matches.

    And By The Way, I really don't think that Cena will Win. Don't Know Why, however.
  6. Nitro's Avatar
    This is some funny sh*t man. But it's the truth! Wrestlemania totally sucks. WWE totally sucks. I can't believe how some people actually enjoy watching wwe. I've only been watching raw about once every 3 months, it's so boring. I watched mania last year just to see the rock, but believe me, I won't be paying for crappymania this year, because I have no need to watch it, when I can just watch TNA impact.
  7. HellDemon102094's Avatar
    Why does everyone always sh*t on Cena, hes talented, he gets the ladies, i mean look at AJ, he had her, and who doesn't dig crazy chicks. Cena will fight and defeat the Rock at Mania, and I agree that it is a predictable outcome, but it can still make for a fun match. Now, on the the rest of the pretty much known card, Brock Lesnar v.s. HHH seems much more interesting this time, last time, HHH was just kind of taking the hits, in the build up to Summerslam, he didn't really fight back all that much, he was on the defense. This time HHH seems like the one who is going to bring the fight. Forget about HHH issueing Summerslam challenge, I know about HHH starting the fight.
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