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DanHero's Royal Rumble Review.

Rating: 5 votes, 2.00 average.
I always watch the pay-per-view with the same group of people, my girlfriend and two of my friends. Last night was the first time we all just sat in silence when the pay-per-view ended, and not in the good kind. Let’s just go straight into this.

Last Man Standing Match for the World Heavyweight Championship:

Okay so the biggest problem I have here is that this match happened two weeks ago on Smackdown, for free, and it didn’t do a thing to boost ratings even after WWE spoiled it. So creative’s genius idea? The same match, but on pay-per-view. The match seemed to move to quickly like they had a good plan for it but then was told they want to run the Royal Rumble “numbers” promo seven times so their match is being cut short. Some good little back and forth bits with an awesome table spot that was no sold by Del Rio, he pretty laid their up until the count of six and then spun onto his feet. So the match ends with Batista at home screaming at the tv and Del Rio winning again. The reason I’m so down on this match is that if they wanted this at the Rumble why have the title change earlier in the month on Smackdown? It didn’t make any sense. If anything it made it less special. Hopefully now this is the end of it and they can start giving Del Rio a rivalry with someone else.

Rating 2/5 Stars.

Big E. Langston does a weird commentator impression and I’m suddenly a fan of Big E.

Darren Young’s started to steal things from internet memes? Can’t wait until he busts out an Epic Rap Battle Of History.

Tag Team Championship Match, Team Hell No vs. Rhode Scholars:

This was actually a good match, I was happy with either team winning this as I’m a fan of both. If anything I would have preferred Rhode Scholars because I’d like to see Daniel Bryan fighting back into the Main Event and I have a feeling this is Kane’s last year so I’d want him to have a real two month Wrestlemania build up until his swan song, this would also leave Rhode Scholars to defend against some of the other tag teams that need to have a light shone on them, the division is ready to go, Prime Time Players still need their chance to shine.

Rating: 3/5 Stars.

Recently I noticed that WWE has the best mail service in the world, they’re on the road 5 days a week but yet Punk got a letter delivered to him overnight from Raw to Smackdown, and this year all 30 contestants got their entry number via mail? I want this guy to deliver my stuff.

30 Man Royal Rumble Match:

At first I’m shocked this isn’t the last match, then I realise the Rock is still ahead so I’m not surprised anymore. Dolph Ziggler comes out and cuts a promo and out comes Chris Jericho. This got the biggest pop of the night from our sofa and it’s awesome to see him back again, even with new weird looking tattoos. The thing with this rumble (apart from the ending) is that it was missing a lot, there was only two guest entrants in Goldust and The Godfather, while I’m happy that Wade Barrett can finally smile that Papa Shango was in the Rumble, it just seemed like there could have been so much more. We got the return of Chris Jericho as the nights top surprise but that came right at the start of the match with not much to follow it, instead we get the returns of Santino Marella, Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara. All of whom pretty much everyone over the age of ten just goes “yeah… alright.” This match really could have been with 40 contestants. With the Shield, Justin Gabriel, Usos, Epico and Primo, there’s 8 more entrants off the top of my head, they could have easily roped in two other surprise entrants or… just anything. The first half of the rumble was quite good but then it all went downhill when Cena joined. I don’t mean that as a typical “hate on Cena” thing, but he immediately comes in and makes everyone else look weak taking them all down in a few seconds. So then we get to my biggest problem with this years rumble, the final three. Cena, Ryback and Sheamus. It was too obvious. There was no “anything could happen here” sort of thing, this was exactly the three that anyone would pick as their “I think this guy is going to win but I really want [insert name of mid card wrestler here] to win instead.” While it’s there to make Cena look good again it also made so many talents look wasted, Kofi Kingston was just there to do the chair spot and then go eliminated straight afterwards, several superstars like Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Antonio Cesaro and Dolph Ziggler we’re fed to the main eventers in easy eliminations, and it all ended in a way that pretty much guarantee’s what I’ve been saying for a while now. It’s only “once in a lifetime” if you died in 2012. This rumble could have been so much more, this was one of the years it was hard to pick a favourite to win it because it was just too obvious Cena was going to win, they could have come out of nowhere with a new talent to win the match and just go for the World Heavyweight Championship. Cena didn’t need another Rumble win. Cena doesn’t need another anything, he’s a well decorated superstar who should be focusing on building the future now. Instead we’ve got another 3 months of The Rock and Cena bickering like two seven year olds arguing over which Pokemon is the coolest.

Overall: 2/5

Rock cuts a promo. Does his usual Rock thing. Is no different to normal.

WWE Title match: CM Punk vs. The Rock.

I hated this match, I hated everything about this match, from the way CM Punk is sent out first, to the way they’ve given the Rock this match for no reason. The build up was excellent only because CM Punk owned the Rock at every corner, he called out the Rock and said what he was going to do every week with the Rock concert and his catch phrases, and the Rock came out and did exactly that with his fat jokes and normal bullying routine that made WWE donate another million to B.A.Star. Then we get to the match, and even after it looks like they’ve given Punk a way to win with the injury to Rock from the Shield, there’s no way around it, it’s going to happen. While it was cool to see a genuine, attitude era disregard for disqualifications with the announce table (seriously, how is putting something through that table not a disqualification?) it just continues to get ridiculous as the Rock mounts his come back and… the lights go out? Is that Dean Ambrose breathing like he’s got a chainsaw instead of tonsils? DID PUNK JUST PIN THE ROCK? Oh no… wait, here comes Vince McMahon. And there we have it. 434 days of the best championship run, every single pay per view match a career highlight for everyone involved, some of the best promos and storylines in the new era, all flushed down the toilet, to the peoples elbow. My huge problem with this is that Rock / Cena 2 doesn’t need a belt. It doesn’t need to happen at all. And now Punk’s left with nothing because WWE wants the Rock to be happy. Which will just lead to Cena winning the belt at Mania and all of Punk’s change being for nothing as it goes back to 2009. There’s no interesting way this can turn out for the championship, Rock hasn’t been around for so long and he can instantly get a championship? He’s been in movies for so long this is basically the equivalent of when WCW put the championship on David Arquette. I could rant for even longer but I won’t. It was just a bad call by the WWE and it’s going to really come back and bite them in the ass when everyone realises that Cena just doesn’t have the crowd like he used to and it’s time for someone new to be there.

Rating: 1.5/5

With only two matches before the Rumble that both left more to be desired, and a Rumble that didn’t have the “anything can happen” feel to it and a main event that flushed away everything that made 2012 a good year for wrestling. If TNA was ready, this would be the moment that people jumped ship. WWE is lucky that the rival company isn’t there yet. But if this was 2014 or 15, it could be a whole different story.


That's been my review, follow me on twitter @DanHarrington91 for more wrestling ramblings during the build up to Elimination Chamber.

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  1. Cooper990's Avatar
    I agree man. The people's friggin elbow, wot a disgrace and shambolic planning by Vincent and co. like u said all that work punk has done putting prestige back into the belt and its gone with David rockette!!!! Lol
  2. scribblerking's Avatar
    I truly hope time will tell and something MORE will come out of this that no one expects just smacks of desperation to increase ratings and make as much money as possible...yeah its a business ok i get that but what a PPV to take the air right out of you in a negative way...
  3. The Enlightened One's Avatar
    I concur, this is a waste of an excellent title run. The people's elbow is the lamest thing to end such a mircaluous reign. The WWE dropped the ball on this PPV and goes back to be predictable and redundant. Typical WWE booking. You're Welcome.
  4. FunkyKong's Avatar
    How about next time you actually review the matches instead of just the outcomes. If you actually thought Rock/Punk was a 1.5 star match, I don't know how you could call yourself a wrestling fan
  5. kcriley907's Avatar
    I don't get it. Why does everything take this so seriously? I enjoy the WWE for its entertainment value, also the wrestling is good. Overall, the entire reason that we (at least I) watch the WWE is to be entertained. Why get bent out of shape because Punk's 'reign' came to an end against arguably the greatest entertainer in the history of the WWE. Punk is nice on the mic and in the ring, but is really a buzz kill after more than a year of complaining and whining about lack of respect, voice of the voiceless, yada yada yada. I bought the Royal Rumble for one reason and one reason be entertained...and I was, thoroughly. Yes, I wanted The Rock to win, but when Punk pinned him (even with help from the Shield) I wasn't upset because I got my money's worth regardless of the outcome.
  6. Dime Store Saint's Avatar
    It's funny how a year ago everyone was excited to have The Rock back and now most people are pissed that he won the title.

    however, the PPV was below expectation. Everything you've said I have to agree with. It was also way to predictable. With the exception of Y2J, and the surmise entrants, it was all pretty standard and lacked excitement.
  7. DanHero's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Dime Store Saint
    It's funny how a year ago everyone was excited to have The Rock back and now most people are pissed that he won the title.

    however, the PPV was below expectation. Everything you've said I have to agree with. It was also way to predictable. With the exception of Y2J, and the surmise entrants, it was all pretty standard and lacked excitement.
    I was never a fan of The Rock coming back. I was never really a fan of the Rock. Whether he was a face or heel his character has always been the same, and the only time he's had any decent promos is when he's had a good writer behind him. He can't think for himself he just reads other peoples lines well, which essentially is why he became an actor.
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