STATE OF THE 'E: My Thoughts While No Way Out Happened
by, 06-17-2012 at 10:20 PM (6361 Views)
Tonight, I decided to do something different with my blog. I'm going to chronicle my thoughts while the show is happening and just post it. It's part review, part thought process and all experimental. So, lets take a ride shall we?
Good opening video.
They're starting with Ziggler VS Sheamus? YES! YES! YES!... Shame we won't get a new Champ though.
MATCH. 01 -- SHEAMUS vs DOLPH ZIGGLER (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP)
Why is Zigglers skin tone the same as Sheamus's arm bands?
Wow, Ziggler VS Sheamus has actually been pretty good.
I like how Ziggler ALWAYS makes Sheamus work. He always looks like he's been in a fight afterwards. And that's a good thing.
DDAAAAAYYYYUUUUMMMMM!!!! What a fucking kick!!
I knew we wouldn't get a new WHC but it was still a great match to open up the PPV. I enjoyed it a lot. My prediction came to fruition with this though.
WINNER -- SHEAMUS
RATING -- ***
Johnny Ace is a dick. Of course he's supposed to be. I guess the Red suit and blue tie represents Raw and Smackdown? And all I hear from Ace is gold though. The dick.
MATCH. 02 -- SANTINO vs RICARDO (TUXEDO MATCH)
A tuxedo match is a retarded idea. I'm actually pissed off that this is an actual billed match on the card. For a "joke" match, this one isn't even a funny one.
Santino looks retarded with his hair cut.
Poor Lil' Naitch. He has to referee this garbage...
Ricardo and Santino having a "crowd off". Dumb.
Why did Santino smell Ricardo's shoe? Da Fuq?
Crowd chanting "BORING! BORING! BORING!"... good thing my strawberry shortcake is here.
A cobra... on his foot... wait, Alberto is on Ricardo's underwear. MAH GAWD I'm glad this garbage is over. This was trash and I'm glad the chant got started to kill it. I was wrong in my prediction here but, it doesn't matter. No one cared anyway.
WINNER -- Santino but, it was really no one.
RATING -- -** (Yes, minus two.)
CM Punk promo time. He's being serious for a moment. Awesome Punk is awesome. AJ <3... kiss for luck. #LUCKISFORLOSERS!!
MATCH. 03 -- CHRISTIAN vs CODY RHODES (INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP)
I like how Christian always looks like he has Jaundice on THE 'E TV ? When he was on Slammiversary last weekend, he didn't look like an Oompa Loompa.
Christian and Cody has actually been boring me. The crowd is dead and that kills the credibility of it. Well, whatever credibility Professional Wrestling has anyway haha.
The match has picked up a bit but, its still slow paced and this crowd is just not into it.
NICE Alabama slam.
Christian really pulled out a mule kick. EL OH EL!
Cody kicked out of Killswitch, "YES! YES! YES!" chants start. Fantastic.
Christian hits a nice frogsplash into some knees. Cody missed #THE DISASTER twice and got speared out of nowhere. The match was actually decent but too slowed paced for this Jersey crowd. It's like they were trying to tell a story in the ring and it failed. I liked the effort though. Christian gets the win here and I was wrong again haha.
WINNER -- CHRISTIAN
RATING -- ** 1/2
MATCH. 04 -- PRIMO & EPICO vs JUSTIN GABRIEL & TYSON KIDD vs THE PRIMETIME PLAYERS vs THE USO'S (FATAL FOURWAY TO CROWN NEW #1 CONTENDERS FOR TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP)
Thank Cthulhu for Rosa. That is a fine bitch... fine.
All sorts of entrances. I really wish they would have just had a Tag-Team Championship match instead of all of this. There's still no meat on this PPV though. Glad to see the Tag-Team scene made it on a PPV.
King made a joke about Rosa dominating... I agree. I agree. God, I agree...
Primo looks like one of my co-workers. No lie.
Kidd is good but, he's the current Lance Storm of THE 'E.
WOW!! Great double kick from The Uso's. Wow.
Great Frankensteiner into the everyone on the outside from Tyson. "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" chants starting up. Primetime Players are the number one contenders of the Tag-Team Championships.
Waitaminute, arguing. Betrayal from A.W. E&P on the attack, now Primetime Players get the headsup. Rosa is sad. I am too. Either way, we had a decent match that was unexpected. And a nice display of activity and I was Semi-Right. I knew that PTP was going to win... something.
WINNERS -- PRIMETIME PLAYERS
RATING - ***
Funny "MONEY IN THE BANK" promo.
Re-cap of Haitch and Lesnar from the last couple months. And.... Here comes The Game to a good reaction. So, Haitch takes 15 minutes to tell us that he wants to face Lesnar @SUMMERSLAM... surprise, surprise. (-_-)' Great thing, "YES! YES! YES!" chants. I hope Lesnar is at #RAW tomorrow.
AJ with D-Bry. AJ does the confession thing, D-Bry's beard is epic. AJ kisses him for luck. Which is for losers.
[/U]MATCH. 05 -- LAYLA vs BETH PHOENIX (DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP)[/U]
Basic Beth entrance.
Layla shook her ass at the camera. Little kid goes for tits. She wins my internets.
Will they actually let these women wrestle tonight? And will the crowd actually care... wait, "We Want Kharma! We Want Kharma! We Want Kharma!" chants. Beth says something about lacing boots, all I heard was something about Layla's boobs. True story.
Great extension of Layla's leg. Great camera angle too.
This match has gone on for five minutes now. Its officially a Diva IronWoman Match.
Great botch. Sliding off the middle rope and leaving Beth in mid move lol.
The match went almost ten minutes, I give THE 'E some credit for letting it go on like an actual match. Both women fought hard and Layla is your winner here keeping her Championship. Nothing happened afterward.
WINNER -- LAYLA
RATING -- * 1/3
AJ does her crazy shtick. She wishes Kane luck and kisses him on his cheek. Kane is a #BAWS and pulls her in for a beast of a kiss.
MATCH. 06 -- HUNICO vs SIN CARA
Again? Really? Like... this match has been happening since September of last year. Hang it up already. Please? I'll bake you fresh cookies if you stop.
Basic shit. Nothing new. Crowd killer. Doomed from the beginning. I need to see Sin Cara in a different match. Any type of match really, just against someone different.
"WE WANT RYDER! WOO WOO WOO! WE WANT RYDER! WOO WOO WOO!" chants.
Sin Cara hits a mule kick. Asks for fan support. DEFUCKINGNIED!!
Sin Cara immediately wins due to lack of support. I have nothing else to say here.
WINNER -- SIN CARA
RATING -- *
Awesome package for the Triple Threat match that's going to happen before 10pm... this is the fucking WWE Championship match and it's not even the semi-main event? Until you start treating your Championship like it should be treated then it'll continue to decline. But, that package kicked ass.
MATCH. 07 -- CM PUNK vs DANIEL BRYAN vs KANE (TRIPLE THREAT WWE CHAMPIONSHIP)
Standard Kane entrance.
Daniel Bryan comes out to an amazing "YES! YES! YES!" chant. Brill.
MASSIVE CM PUNK CHANTS!! Huge pop... damn right.
They make the height, weight and all that... CM Punk chants still.
So far match of the night lol. Back and fourth kicks to Kane's chest.
The crowd has been really into this match and its very high paced. Kane is keeping up with these guys and it's pretty badass considering the literal two best wrestlers are in this match with him.
Punk has taken a ton of abuse as THE 'E's Champ and he's kept it through and through.
D-Bry screamed "YES! and kicked the turnbuckle into Kane's face. Great. Moment.
This match has been fantastic so far.
D-Bry connects with a double "YES!" flying drop kick. Awesome YES! kicks to both Kane and Punk's chests.
I like the fact that all three competetor's have been involved in this match. Usually they like to pair off for most of the match. This one has those moments but all three have been involved the whole time.
#MACHOELBOW on Daniel Bryan.
No AJ yet... I think she's going to help Kane win... that'll be a markout moment for sure if it happens.
Daniel Bryan just hit a Benoit flying headbutt... Happy Father's Day everyone.
Chokeslam into a counter DDT by Punk... awesome.
#MACHOELBOW again, on Kane this time.
Punk kicked out of a chokeslam into hell. Wow. Kane is in "Big Red Monster" mode...
So, Cena picks up Kane and the announcers treat it as if Cena has all the strength in the world and he's so strong. CM Punk picks up Kane and it's like, Meh. Don't talk about it. Shhhh... Get the fuck out of my face, thats bullshit.
Well... that was an interesting twist. AJ came out and gets injured by Punk throwing Kane into her. Gonna boil into something big I think. CM Punk victorious and D-Bry wasn't a part of the finale. I imagine him saying something about that tomorrow on #RAW... AJ ... wait. Punk deliberately tossed her into Kane and we see Kane carrying AJ out smiling... nice work over Punk. Good show, Champ.
WINNER -- CM PUNK
RATING -- ****
MATCH. 08 -- RYBACK vs JOBBERBOTS FROM PHILLY
There's some dumb jobbers in the ring. Ryback is coming. Pissed that this is AFTER the WWE Championship match. Noobs are clearly writing this show.
Ryback is dominating. Ryback is powerful against 90 pounders. Great match. (-_-)
WINNER -- RYBACK
RATING -- NOTHING... WASN'T AS BAD AS THE TUXEDO MATCH
MATCH. 09 - JOHN CENA vs BIG SHOW (CENA WINS, LAURANITIS IS FIRED. BIG SHOW WINS, CENA IS FIRED)
Re-cap of John Cena and Big Show feud. The most drawn out, unnecessary feud in a long time. It's got a good feel for it, if it wasn't against John Cena.
Ugh... it's as bad as I expected it would be. Slow paced so Big Show doesn't blow himself up in the ring and also to protect SUPER CENA for MitB when he'll probably rekindle his feud with CM Punk for the WWE Championship. Which will suck.
This match has been on for ten minutes now and it's STILL slow paced and dominated by Big Show. False hopes for Cena winning... blah, blah.
Lauranitis and McMahon get involved. Cena kicks out of a chokeslam.
Big Show knocks out Armstrong... Road Dogg's brother.
Big Show goes to leave the ring and Brodus Clay comes out with a steel chair.
Wild Ryder appearance.
Ryder, Kofi, Brodus, Riley and Santino all help to keep Big Show in the cage.
PPV is officially running long. It's usually over by 10:45.. Cena wins. Big Show loses... Lauranitis fired as GM of Raw and Smackdown. YOU'RE FIRED!! We all knew the outcome before it happened considering Lauranitis has been billed as "Secretary To The Board Of Directors" at upcoming house shows.
WINNER -- JOHN CENA
RATING -- *
Fuck John Cena and fuck his "status". I'm tired of seeing the WWE Championship NOT in the main event of the PPV's. It's ridiculous and a shame. And then to have a Ryback beats random jobbers match AFTER the WWE Championship match is even more ridiculous.
This is bullshit. CM Punk deserves better than that and I'll be DAMNED if they think I gave them my $55.00 because of fucking Cena. I gave it for the mid-card and for the WWE Championship match. This PPV was as much of a letdown as I figured it would be.
I paid my $55.00 like normal and of course I feel cheated out of things that could have been. But, what was good was good. It entertained even though it was more bad than good. I hope next year they decide to go with the original theme this was supposed to be. And I'm pissed we got no real "surprises" tonight. That makes me feel like #RAW NEEDS to deliver tomorrow night.
OVERALL PPV RATING -- ***
Overall quality was good but, this definitely lacked sparks to make it great. No surprises again and it made me sad.