Yes! Yes! Yes! The Back to The Future WWE version
by, 04-10-2012 at 09:33 AM (2963 Views)
After the success of my first ever blog YES! YES! YES! My first Ever Blog comes it's follow up YES! YES! YES! My second ever blog. Did people like the blog? YES! YES! YES! Did people not like the blog? YES! YES! YES! Why do I keep repeating this catchphrase? Cause I'm super hardcore like. YES! YES! YES!
Seriously, got some decent feedback last week from many of you critters and it makes me SOOOOO happy. If some people don't like interrupting their crucial internet wrestling talk for a bit of fun at what is after all a hilarious business, that's fair enough, but if this describes YOU I don't recommend reading the rest of this blog. But if some of you want something abit original and bonkers to waste a couple of minutes of your life before you get back to the important discussion of why The Miz is actually totally badass I welcome you to my lair/gingerbread house/swamp/dome. Just to clarify, The Miz is definitely not a bad ass.
I will be introducing CLINICAL features at the bottom of this blog. Please everyone, leave a comment. I want this blog to be somewhere where you can say anything. And I don't mean in a CM Punk kind of way but you can do that if you feel compelled, I want you to do it in a Jim Carrey/Rodney Dangerfield/Pauly Shore kind of way. Feel free to be witty or jokey, even if it's a lamer joke than the king of lameness himself.
THE THREE STOOGES
The three stooges - I recognised that fat guy from Mad TV sketches as Robert De Niro as soon as I saw the Robert De Niro eyes in play. Shockingly, i enjoyed their presence a hell of a lot. I have never seen an episode (or movie or whatever) of the Three Stooges so I don't know much about them, except I love those guys due to several references off old (good) Simpson's episodes. The fat guy then entered to Real American and Vince felt a little better because he got back at that big meanie who broke his heart not once but multiple times. Then Kane entered and wrecked the "hilarity" because he hates everything in sight. The fat guy tried to take him on in his Hulkster guise, but I've seen this guy become Steven Seagal. He should have just broken Kane with aikido techniques and then lectured him in a chilling way about how his ring post fire intimidation ploy is ruining the environment, by saying something like "don't play with fire, you'll just get burnt" before he snaps his neck and returns back to the kitchen because he's just a cook. But for all this to ever happen you'll have to ignore all previous instances, and that would be just plain old silly.
THE VOICE OF THE VOICELESS
CM Punk has reached the stage in his life where he is going to burn all his clothes in a bin and put The Crying Game on at full blast, and slump in the shower naked. Unlike Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura though, we are not going to have a hilarious pet detective but just another emo crying naked in the shower.
THE PEOPLES CHUMP
John Cena got his mouth fucked up. SLAM! POW! BORT! POOP!
THE NEXT BIG THING
I missed heel Brock. He was the Biff Tannen of WWE for years (doing awesome stuff like bloodying one legged cripples and throwing them down several flights of stairs, as you do)and thankfully he's back. This is John Cena's George McFly moment. He was just a poor man's replacement for Brock and people have always known that. Hell, his finisher was just a poor rip off of Lesnar's F5 that started for storyline purposes. If John Cena goes over at Extreme Rules, does John Cena finally get over with a wwe crowd? Biff Tannen is still picking on George McFly. George McFly never knocked Biff out so the future that we have been living where John Cena hustle's his loyalty and respect all over people's faces was in fact a mediocre alternate universe. For whatever reason we are back in 2004 now, George now has the chance to knock out Biff. Back To The Future rules - they always make sense.
THE AMERICAN DRAGON
YES! YES! YES! Daniel Bryan will definitely remain a heel for the forseeable future. He dumped AJ the very best way you can dump someone, in public in front of everyone, with a microphone, especially when she's unbelievably fine in a no tits way, and then threw in a slight about her not being a vegan, which the self obsessed wwe universe took as offense to them naturally. Of course, this happened in the most, I don't know, Beverley Hills 90210 way possible (yeah that'll do)
On Tv, he won the feud with Kane in a hardcore match or something on Smackdown. Thank god this horrible and pointless feud is over. That's the kind of thing you've been reading isn't it? It only went on for about a month, and I'll be damned if some nerd is going to tell me that they shouldn't have been feuding. You know the reason why Kane went after Orton, about being humanised and all, well I fucking knew that was gonna be the reason the whole fucking time. For once WWE used a seemingly minor incident to create a big feud. No wonder WWE treats us fans like we have no memories in their storylines, cause we only have selective memories. No reason to get your blood boiling though reading this, it's over, KAPEESH! I think so anyway. On a more important topic, Randy Orton has been ejected from his starring role in The Marine 3 because his past caught up with him. Yeah, I wasn't gonna watch it anyway.
THE MEXICAN ARISTROCRAT
Alberto Del Rio has a few things going for him. a) Default Mexican Aristocratic music ; b) Default Mexican Soap opera smuggy smile ; c) Ricardo Rodriguez, the absolute best component at his disposal ; and d) A rather impressive armbar. But delving into the character's psyche it is clear to see that he has a deep inferiority complex. I get this all from a) He needs his own announcer and b) he rents out cars on a weekly basis but tries to pass it off that he owns them all, so people think he's really cool. He's super serial about being cool. Alberto really is one of the most complex guys on the roster. He's not Fred Durst but he's just as insecure.
I want the Lord Tensai gimmick to work, it is early days, but I think there may be some issues arising, especially the fans chanting "Albert" and nothing else at all. I think that when this gimmick fails (and I hope it doesn't, cause it's cartoony as fuck)they should have him team up with The Funkasaurus and basically just be a white Fat Albert named Phat Albert. If they use the Ph it will be super cool and they won't get sued by Bill Cosby. He will have to start talking a little something like this though
Internet fanboys, your dreams have come true. Dean Ambrose is finally on the path to being relevant. Interrupting Mick Foley in some hotel during Wrestlemania weekend, his altercation with the hardcore legend was recorded on a phone and has now gone viral. And if any of you are thinking this is real, I've got two words for ya - Mental Hospital.
I never even mentioned anything about Mark Henry last week. He is my favourite guy on the roster, cause he's a bad motherfucker and that's all there is to it.
Skip Sheffield has returned as the hyped (in internet circles) debut of Ryback. I will always have time for a Dave Batista rip off but I am disappointed that this apparent Terminator rip off didn't completely rip off Arnie. He wears a singlet for christ sake.
Bowtie + Coffee Flask x Harvard Law Degree ÷ Wade Barrett's disposal entrance jacket idea + Ravishing Rick Rudes gimmick = David Otunga
Sheamus may be roight in his own moind to kick people up their orse then in their face but I need some more character development to really care. Him kicking a ref in the face and then getting "fined" was a good start.
One "big" piece of news this week in internet land has been the snubbing of the creative team from the wrestlemania drinks party. Vince McMahon may be complete evil but I respect the hell out of him for this. What a cunt! If they are going to intentionally write bad scripts to get back at him it is probably going to be the best tv since the attitude era.
Damien Sandow did a debut promo on Smackdown, and I dig every bit of it, cause heel's should always tell us we're stupid, it's a classic.
By the way, check out THE LEGEND OF ANDY KAUFMAN written a few days ago by Deadgods. Don't waste your time on the 11th blog analysing Brock Lesnar you've read this week, read something good that'll make you appreciate arguably wrestling's biggest ever storyline (Yes I'm being super serial).
MARIO BALOTELLI UPDATE
Gets accused of sleeping with hooker who exposed Wayne Rooney's reputation, using cheap mind games as a ploy to derail Manchester United's title hopes. Rooney scores goal, Manchester United win. Balotelli chooses to kick people instead of playing football, gets sent off. Duly gets blamed for Manchester City losing ground in the title race. Oh Mario, will you ever learn?
THE ULTIMATE CORNER
A lot of people were loling and rofling asunder at the ultimate Warrior promo vid I posted. I will be posting alot of Warrior but also vid's of the guys who complimented his mental awesomeness. Here is the short lived Mega Maniacs team with the one and only Randy Savage. This was definitely the Warrior at his most DUDE ever and I love it.
That isn't that insane though, chew on this as well. Deebo rules!
So thats week 2 out of the way, please say whatever you want....please......you're all I have........