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Bizarro SmackDown #1!!!

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You know I didn't know what to title this blog. I had a few come to mind. Originally, "A Story about Storytelling". Then "The Good, the Bad, and the Just Plain Ugly". But I've decided on a title as mixed up as SD! was this week. Which is partly what's given me the urge to blog all over everything again. And I just gotta. Had to.

But first, something that's irked me.

You know, lately since Brock is back, I've been hearing from people harping on wrestling for being "so and so", or put a different way for being what it is or for not being what it's not.

Quote Originally Posted by UFC is the best
Oh come on guys wrestling is [F-word deleted]
It pisses me off because you're not informing anyone here. People know. Quiet down. Do you watch movies? Do you like them? Fact: Movies are so and so. If you watch movies then it makes you a hypocrite. Now, there are some people who don't know wrestling is so and so. And the harpies love to tell them. Makes me wonder do they go up to classes of little kids and scream "SANTA ISN'T REAL!!!" (but he is kids, he's wrestling in WWE right now under the alias Daniel Bryan) It's annoying. More than wrestling being "so and so" can be considered lame, telling people that wrestling is at every chance you get is lame. but enough about them they suck

The main reason I wrote this blog though... was SmackDown this week was a roller coaster. It started off great but ultimately had flaws that held it back. It had some good and it had some bad, too.

Let's start off with the good. And that's the match between Kane and Randy Orton. This match was awesome. It is everything that wrestling should be. It's why we watch wrestling, or at least why I watch wrestling. The match was a brilliant example of something central to prowrestling, something needed to make it shine. Storytelling.

First, you need the characters. On one side, you have the charming hero, or in this case anti-hero, in a guy that's pretty much on everyone's list of likes, Randy Orton. And on the the other side, you have the dark and scary villain, one that everyone respects, Kane.

Once you have the characters you need the adventure, you need to start actually telling the story. The adventure of the story was brilliantly laid out with an awesome match that had ups and downs and twist turns and was physical start to finish. It had everything from melee outside the ring, to a ddt on the ramp, to someone going over the announce table, to chairs littering the mat, to exposed turnbuckles. This was a rematch from WM and it sure felt like one. There was bad blood between the combatants, signified by how physical it got so quickly, and it made the whole match feel personal. The two combatants on the screen wanted to beat each other into submission, completely silence their opposition. What else would you expect from your hero and villain?

As the match raged on you had your classic moments of archetype. Each fighter traded periods of offense, with the dark and sinister Kane taking Randy Orton outside the ring to no-man's land to wear him down. And then we see the hero triumphantly fight back time and again, and take the fight to the enemy on his own turf. We see the villain start to resort to dubious methods, as Kane exposes the turnbuckle and throws half a dozen chairs into the ring to work their evil on our hero. And as things start to look bad for our hero, he comes back yet again and we watch the villain's own evil machinations turn on him and cause him to fall leaving our hero to seize the opportunity. And then we watch our hero ultimately come out of the match victorious, winning the day and all the glory.

A great story.

Now, for those who have been watching wrestling for a while, they can probably play out that match without having watched it the minute I said "exposed turnbuckle". And yeah, maybe things can be a little played out from time to time, I guess, if that's how you want to look at it. But remember that you want to. I think we in the IWC especially, when we're always bantering, and analyzing, and just plain discussing shit, forget how you're supposed to look at it. You're not supposed to look at wrestling like a hobby or a sport, with stats and numbers and references every fucking place. And you never were, really. You're supposed to look at it like a movie. And when it's at its best, that's what it goes like too.

And Orton again with this match puts himself in my mind as one of the best. Oh sure he might not have the technical abilities of a Jericho, Punk or Del Rio. But he has the subtle things, the important things, like the flow of a match, like a good sell, like improvising smoothly and just working well with your opponent, down pat.

So that was the good, now the bad.

Why oh why did the WWE have Bryan come out and practically disown the "YES!" chant, while simultaneously getting rid of one of the best ring escorts he's had? Not only did the whole abusing boyfriend thing work in his favour, add to his heel character, make him look cool, and also make for good comedy, but AJ is so small that having her on his side made him look fucking bigger. At 5'10 he's average height for man, but with his head being a bit big and considering he's surrounded by giants he can often look smaller. Her being there at his matches was a nice little reminder that he's not that short.

And I know it's early in this new storyline, but why even dick with it at all? Is the WWE trying to keep YES! but not Bryan? Or is it the start of something bigger? A face turn? But in the other case how annoying would it be for them to try and capitalize off of this but not him with it? But the flip side is it makes things really interesting for next week. Well that's the bad.

Now the ugly. Though this might be an unpopular opinion based on what I'm reading from people.

RYBACK! DUN DUN DUN... or whatever I don't even remember his music. I was watching and immediately I think "that's a stupid name". And then I see who it is! It's Skip Sheffield! He's Ryback now! Ryback. Ryback. Nope, saying it again doesn't make it sound any better. Ryback. Who here really likes... Ryback. *JAZZ HANDS* So they give him some new music for his return that took ages, and a new singlet to go along with it. Cause we know how cool they make you look right? Swagger, Big Show, Angle early years, Cole yeah I went there. Not just any singlet though. Could have gone for a simple black one that said "I mean fucking business." No no they got one that looks like they had it done by the dude who made the paint job on the Gravedigger monster truck.

So what do they have RYBACK! do when he comes back with his Rob-van-dam-inspired one-piece? They have him squash somebody! Why couldn't they have just had him come back as Sheffield? Drop the Skip and that's all? How many times have people compared him to Goldberg? Sheffield is right there with it! Some nice black trunks or hell, even his bull ones, just have him called SHEFFIELD. I mean it's two syllables just like everything else! And then have him squash people! And then... maybe when Wrestlemania 29 comes around, Goldberg can make a return to take on his imposter. And what is with the dance thing he's doing? Seriously. The crowd on SD! seemed dead by the match's finish. And he didn't help with his little dance that he kept doing. Well now that he's Ryback I guess he's gonna be. But I still say he should have just been called SHEFFIELD. The WM 29 match with GOLDBERG, if they were really serious about this guy's push would've wrote itself.

Honourable mention: Damien Sandow had the best debut promo of any new face I can remember in like... ever. It inspired me to look at some of his FCW work which I never pay attention to. And I leave you with some of that. Thanks for reading.

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