Did John Cena and CM Punk Switch Roles? Nope. Not Even Close.
by, 02-24-2012 at 09:41 AM (3641 Views)
I was just watching the Punk-CNN spot (what can I say, I'm a sucker for human beings who think beating women is wrong) when I noticed the only comment below it urging me to read a blog that tells the not-so-accurate tale of Punk becoming the new Cena, how he's already watered down and stale, and how nothing is different about the WWE title. Having read this blog already, I remember finding it annoying because it just sounded like bitching for the sake of bitching. I can't speak for anyone else, but hey... wrestling is finally getting good again. We're wrestling fans though, so naturally we cannot acknowledge this fact and instead feel the need to bash everything that's wrong with the product and wax braggadocio on how we'd make much better bookers than the powers that be.
Anyway, here's the comment and a little retort from me. This is not meant as an attack on Knox or Hill or, aw what the hell if you want it to be an attack, eat your heart out girls.
In the comments section of the Punk-CNN video, Edward Hill writes:
"For you CM Punk fans please read Did John Cena & Cm Punk Switch Roles? by Knox. (He hits the nail in the coffin)."
Nope. He doesn't. He doesn't hit any nail on the head. Or coffin, or any other mix-and-match idioms you feel the need to come up with. The blog is pretty horrible actually because it's completely derived from lack of attention. Cena isn't funny. Cena isn't well-spoken. (Screaming really loudly and changing accents to adjust to crowds doesn't add points to one's speaking ability.) Cena is slightly witty, but in a very mechanical sort of way. Cena has set punch-lines and makes sure that everybody watching him knows they are indeed set punch-lines.
Punk is naturally funny (any commentary he's ever done, especially the NXT stuff). Punk is well-spoken, he doesn't need to scream or add a Bostonian twang to his rants, nor does he tack on a street thug accent as his intensity grows. He simply doesn't need to. Come to think of it, I don't believe anyone should. Except maybe New Jack, who will in fact, fucking cut you (you = general public). Punk is so naturally witty he'd give Johnny Carson a run for his money. Punk has set punch-lines, but instead of dropping a line and trying to look cool for doing it, he'll just slip it into a promo with the greatest of ease (see: "Mine went straight to DVD, just like yours.").
The blog says that nothing has changed in WWE since Punk took the belt and "took over", that Punk has become stale, just like when Cena carried the strap. Really? Because I've never seen Cena put on top quality TV wrestling matches with guys like Ziggler or Danielson or Mysterio or Kofi or Morrison. Don't get me wrong, Cena can deliver a HELL of a match. The guy just gets chemistry and story-telling and all those little things the WWE loves oh-so much. All those little things that ensured a guy like Rob Van Dam would never be top dog. These are the things that work as a great match's exoskeleton. RVD had that meat (the crazy spots, the flashy moves, the crazy moves, the SIMPLE moves) to fill the skeleton, but no "storytelling"; no exoskeleton.
Cena is the opposite. He's got all the things to provide a match with a skeleton, but I've never seen him provide any of the meat. And that's at BEST. That's on Pay Per View. I've never seen Cena deliver the stuff Punk is delivering week after week in his TV matches. I've never seen Cena throw in little interesting moments like incorporating the handshake of honor or tribute Savage elbow into a match. I've never seen Cena throw the WWE championship around or bang it against a cage like a rock star smashing his guitar. I've never seen Cena do anything interesting with that championship and wait, weren't Punk's exact words "I'm going to make this title interesting again"? Wasn't the whole point of this dude's blog to say that he hasn't made it interesting and things are the same? Well things aren't the same. The times, you see, are indeed a-changin'. Shit was unbearably boring and stale when it was Cena, Edge, and Orton every night. And yes, mostly due to booking. But none of those guys did anything to make shit interesting again. Punk is doing those things.
I've never seen Cena commentate and do a better job of it than most of the regular announcers. I've never seen Cena cut a promo (in the last 7 years anyway) where he didn't say something about how he's going to stay real and true to himself no matter what. (It's boring and we get it John, you have morals and shit.) Word Life. I've never seen Cena perform a single wrestling move that made me say "Man, that was awesome." Come to think of it, I've never seen Cena perform any more wrestling moves than I can count on my two hands... ever.