Raw Review: Number 1 contenders, Challenges, and HO-SKI's
by, 02-20-2012 at 11:56 PM (2053 Views)
Hi everyone, I'm back and I've decided to write this Raw live from my laptop for you all, as I have the time for this as I am luckily (or unluckily) unemployed at this time. I may as well do this as long as I have nothing else to do so if you like it let me know what you think.
After the opening backstage skit before the opening video, I kind of rolled my eyes, (you know in one of them "it's gonna be one of these episodes......sigh).
Thankfully, The opening bit in the ring was quite fucking good. Eve's pretty much made a badass heel turn here, openly mocking Zack and bragging about using Cena to the Bella's (Wrestling rule 436: To get over quick as a heel, congregate with other heels), and then being a whiny bitch, getting moidered by Cena's admittedly decent put downs. He has a stab at The Rock by comparing Eve's faker ways to him that was actually quite good. He gets a ho-ski chant going that will later "Tweet Worldwide" before he puts that bitch down verbally. She breaks down in the ring, Cena consoles her, She tries to kiss Cena, thankfully, a couple of referee's were able to save Cena from Eve's mighty tits. Do it for the kid's John!!! I enjoyed this, Eve was cringeworthy but in a funny "bad acting" kind of way and was sorta good on the mic, and Cena didn't say much but alluded that he didn't want to catch an STD off Eve, which is good enough for me.
Another Taker promo. Taker is not just a phenom in the ring, he is now also a master of producing highly good quality video's to make his point. His promo's are fucking movies man.
Daniel Bryan and CM Punk get an epic promo for an epic main event on this week's Smackdown. I can't wait.
Sheamus makes his way down to the ring and Justin Roberts announces he will officialy challenge Daniel Bryan for the World title. Sheamus is my boy! I thought it would be another promo but my lord, Mark Freaking Henry comes out as his opponent. Whatever about his legendary in ring work, I fucking love Mark Henry. He's the most badass thing in WWE. ya dig? If injury hadn't been a problem, and Henry was champ again, I would have looked forward to this as a WrestleMania title match, their match at SummerSlam was adequate. They have a good back and forward match, and Sheamo brogue kicks Henry to death for the 1-2-3. Of course Sheamus was going to win, but in my heart Mark Henry's the mega angry black man that dominates every man and I hope he's not now an afterthought
YES!! "Mr Excitement". YES!! David "Best Thing in Wrestling" Otunga........
"Hole on wait a minna Playa". DANG!!!! Teddy Long is here to ruin all the fun and make tag matches for the rest of the night. They agree a battle royale to face CM Punk for his WWE Title at this year's WrestleMania and then JL and Teddy bitch about their shows etc. This also sets up a match between Otunga and "ANY" Smackdown superstar later on. It has to be Great Khali or Big Show.
AWESOME! "The Memory Remains" by Metallica is playing in the graphic for the scheduled Taker-Trips confrontation. Haven't heard that in years, and I think Metallica are made for wrestling.
Woohoo!! R-Truth is here. He's teaming up with Kofi Kingston, who I want to see become relevant, even if he does stay as a face. Rosa Mendes wiggles her sexy ass down here. Primo and Epico are here too. They have a 4/5 minute match in which Kofi gets the pin, so this mean's that Kofi and Truth are gonna be the new tag champ's soon. We are reminded for the second time tonight that "Hoe-Ski" is trending worldwide. I hope this doesn't turn into one of those things were we are reminded of this all night so "THE MACHINE" can brainwash us that they are really awesome at everything.
We have a graphic for the battle royal, it has 10 guys, Ziggles, Cody, Barrett, Santino, Jericho, Khali, Kofi, Truth, Miz and Big Show. That's later.
Hall of Fame announcement next.
Jesus, not yet. I thought thay had stopped with those "Did you know?" screenshots... years ago!!
YES!!! This is AWESOME!!! Ron Simmons rules, as Simmons or Faarooq. DAMN!!!! It is good to see WWE for once acknowledging his title win as well in WcW. Some great footage of the Acolyte's. When considering the great team's of the era that he was in (Dudley's, Hardyz, Edge & Christian), The APA are often forgotten. But I always loved them and I think loads of other people did too. A proper tag team.
They show a replay of the Jericho injury angle. I'm sick of these bad storylines, especially the one's where they are "emotionally scarred" or something. They are so long drawn out, and when fake fighting is trying too hard to make injury angles look real, it just looks beyond stupid to me. Hopefully after tonight they put this certain happening to rest.
Jericho promo....Aaaahhh, He's back. he gives a great Jericho style verbal interluding into tonight's battle royale. And then says "It will be the end of the world as you know it" tonight. Should we be excited? I had forgotten all about it to be honest. Will the smarks be happy? We'll see later.
Otunga makes his way out to the ring with John Laurenitis. He is announced as a "graduate of harvard law school" which I think is awesome. His entrance music is gay though. Big Zeke makes his way down with Teddy, which inevitably results in a clean win for Otunga. For a guy who was so damn bland, Otunga is really making a solid gimmick for himself. I think the wrestling world has been crying out for a Harvard graduated moccachino drinking lawyer since it began, and now Otunga's here and this is getting special. Cole meanwhile, marks out for Big Johnny and Otunga by clapping like a teenage girl standing on her desk.
They show the promo from last week with Trips and HBK. Just the naff end part of it though were Trips hurt Shawn's feelings by saying No to him.
Undertaker's boots have the ability to play Metallica through them, which I think is pretty amazing. Taker is announced to be coming up. New theme song for The American Badass being resurrected? I never thought I'd say this, but I want to see the American Bad Ass again.
WrestleMania is 41 days away promo.
Dong....Dong...Dong...Flame's split up. The classic theme starts up, so the Metallica thing is no go. Ah well, that end's that speculation. I got pretty bored of The Undertaker's long ass entrance, but I guess I don't mind if it's only a couple times a year, it seems better because it's limited. Just sayin... Taker has a mic in hand, loud "YOU SUCK" shout out from some guy which is funny but everyone else is interested. loud "YOU SUCK" shout again as Taker goes on about his emotional problems. 3 Weeks ago, Taker CAME inside this ring. Nice to know! He said No. This upset Taker. He comes off like a whiny bitch til he says that the choic wasn't Trips' and they have to end this era together. Isn't that sweet. Seriously though, all the melodrama aside I'm interested in seeing where it goes. "The end of an era" has been coined in the last few week's as well as tonight by Taker.
The game hits the ring in his sell-out suit. When he alluded last week that "All this would be his" and everybody booed the shit out of it, I was a boy once again rooting for my favourite heel ever. The sooner Triple H becomes a total heel again the better. Trips starts to prepare his reasons til Taker cuts him off, which is the Taker I wanna see. Trips starts talking again anyway, people may get down on him for his promo's, but I think he's deadly. This is bad for business is the mullarky he is on about, and he's gonna stick by it DAMN GOD!! I have a feeling the big pay off is gonna be Taker taking off his hood, but anyway, he calls him a coward. I like the way this story is teetering on getting political. For example Undertaker is coming off more as Mark Calloway than the supernatural being. Triple H gives an overwhelming NO for the third or so time and leaves til Taker baits him by saying he know's he couldn't do what his buddy could do and beat him because he knows that Shawn was always better than him. OOOOOHH. Triple H takes off not only his jacket, but his tie, surely for no other reason but to emphasize that he is really really mad and walks back down the ramp. Triple H starts talking like a heel again just like last week and I mark the fuck out for a second. I am looking forward to the second walkout over Triple H picking fights with superstars. Match is on!!!! Hooray!!! Triple H will only fight in Hell In A Cell, and me and the whole world go on a simultaneous boner. Taker pats Trip's on the shoulder. Huh!!! Mind games, as Taker leaves to Metallica. This is the dream way to see this match happen, the two guys who are most associated with Hell In A Cell is the perfect way to do this. And I have a feeling this isn't going to be PG.
They show a clip vid of Big Slow climbing into Bryan's cage from Elimination Chamber. YES!!! YES!!! Your champ is here to tell us why he's a role model and to remind us that he's the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...YES!!!! YES!!!! I like this Daniel Bryan who needs to grab a microphone at any opportunity so he can tell us how great he is and reminds us that he's the champ. After a failed cobra attempt, Bryan makes short work of Santino, bragging proudly about his victory. I love that guy. Before the match begins, an offical graphic of the world heavyweight title match is shown. I guess that's official, but thing's do change. Whatever the internet says, WWE has done their best to cater to IWC fans in the last year, putting Punk at the forefront, promoting Bryan into a long title run at a significant time, and countering the negative feedback attached to cancelling their match last year.
The battle royale is advertised again, and we are notified Cena will be addressing everybody regarding The Rock later.
John Cena has more Facebook followers than you Rocky, haha suck it down bitch.
Kelly Kelly and Aksana(the two sexiest models to grace a wrestling ring in modern WWE) have a sex off against the resident hot twin's of WWE. They win and start going all "you're not all tha" and all that shit.
Cena has his serious face on, and has the slow almost dead like walk of a man who is distraught from a near rape by a serious bit of talent. Let out the tear's John. Cena's on next, to tell us that Rocky makes him so mad. When you are writing live it is real easy to compare john Cena to an emotional teenage girl quite often.
JC does his usual "I'm here, He's not" schtick. Then he runs down The Rock on the mic about how he is Dwayne and no longer The Rock. And throws in that he doesn't respect him and he has a legitimate beef with Dwayne the man. Who he mentions is going to be on the show next week by the way. Cena's beef is that Rock bailed on WWE so he could pursue his other opportunities. At last, Cena get's his point across why he is fighting. Good and passionate promo from Cena saying the same stuff he always says, but he big's the shit out of WrestleMania and says his piece. By virtue of No Rocky this week, Cena wins this week's feud.
Cult of Personality hits and Punk's got his commentary jacket on and is going ringside. Punk makes fun of Cole immediately. First over his tweeting and then his disgraceful WrestleMania hoarding ways. Show enters, then Cody, Truth and The heel himself, Dolph Ziggler. Not gonna happen but I'd like him to win. Alot of people don't like Wade's new theme, but I like it because it's different from other WWE theme's. Ugh! Khali's here. The The MIz walks out with his angry face. Kofi's here to do his spot and get the hell out. Wahey, Santino. The lights go out, that awesome jacket lights up and Jericho walks down to the ring like the golden god he is. I like the new Jericho, he seems to believe he is the golden god, and he is reminding me of Dennis Reynolds off it's Always Sunny In Philadelphia more every day. We get kicked off, and several guys are brawling while Cole and Punk yammer on about last night's Elimination Chamber. I am delighted to say that Khali is dumped out right away after about a minute, and the 80% chance of the match sucking has drastically gone down. Whatever about his "mass appeal", Khali drags every match down monumentally, even if it was with Shawn Michaels or Kurt Angle, who can get a great match out of everyone, would have no way of preventing a stinker with the Punjabi Giant.
Michael Cole excitedly is trying to remind us that we're watching Raw, but Punk just speaks over him, and then dissed him by blanking him when talking about who's on the commentary team. I feel that CM Punk is becoming more like Bart Simpson every day. Miz gets double drop kicked off the apron by the tandem of R Truth and Kofi, who walk into a double chokeslam by Big Show. And then a succession of finshers happen from all the participanys when suddenly Santino eliminates Barrett. And R Truth right away!!! Ziggler also get's got and we're down to 5. the commentary team are selling an arm injury to Barrett, which I think is legit. Kofi follows going over the top rope. Disaster kick by Cody to Big Slow, then lionsault by Jericho and then Santino with one of his stupied moves. Jericho throws Santino over the rope, but he hangs on, Cobra's Jericho, but then Rhodes flips him over the rope and we're down to Show v Cody v Jericho, who suplexes the latter two. Show eliminates Cody, which sucks. Cody tries to eliminate Show who fights him off, but then Cody comes back at Show is teetering over the rope and pulls him out. Show walks up after Cody. Y2J and Punk have a staredown and Punk enters the ring. Punk puts out his hand, Jericho walks away and smirks. No slobberknocker, either verbal or physical between the two tonight, but I'm sure it's to come.
Taker-Trips promo to set up Hell In A Cell at Mania, which is really the only way I could get excited to see them face off again.
8 Man Battle Royale. It was predictable, but all the workers (bar Khali) were adept in the ring to make whatever time they had exciting. It only went about 7 minutes.
Cena grows a pair, dismisses Ho, runs down Rock.
Three matches confirmed for WrestleMania as a result of tonight's show, Bryan v Sheamus, Punk v Jericho and HHH v Undertaker.
I don't know if Lawler is disenchanted with being there or not, but he was pretty quiet tonight, which I welcome happily
The very underused Ron Simmons gets a Hall of Fame place
Daniel Byran - Still awesome
Opening backstage skit that I really thought would set a sour tone for the show
Godammit Teddy stay on Smackdown, or better yet disappear from television forever. You know the way Cena gets shit for his never changing personality, Theodore Long has been in his position longer than Cena and grew completely stale and bereft of idea's in 2007.
As great as it is seeing the funk man being the vice president of talent relations and Interim Raw General Manager back on our screens, this Raw was only half funky. The Funkasuarus is sleeping.
A long term injury is just bad timing for Wade Barrett, I hope it's a story line or not as bas as it seems, thought he announcers alluded that his arm was broken in a rather serious tone.
The good far outweighed the bad in tonight's episode on Raw, so I'm giving this an 7 out of 10.