The E Under The Sun: Morrison vs Hulk
by, 09-16-2011 at 12:06 PM (2166 Views)
OK, I realise this is only the second one of these but I’m going to have to compare some modern day, young, not paralysed from the waist down wrestlers otherwise I’ll just be blabbing on about how HHH couldn’t hold a candle to Toshiaki Kawada, incidentally that will be the next comparison after this one but never mind pointless plugs and let’s get down to this edition!
The two guys I have picked this time are very similar indeed, both suffering the same flaws but both excelling in other areas. These two are....John Morrison and BxB Hulk!
Come on! Surely you can all see the similarities? Both men started out their careers as fatally flawed but have worked on their craft to get to where they are now, in fact I have always seen them as the London sewage system in that the creator clearly had an interesting vision but not many paid it much attention due to the caked on layers of piss and shit. But both men’s darker days are far behind them and both are genuinely viable in any ring around the world.
On the one hand we have John Morrison, equipped with the two key tools of being both a breath of fresh air and (as my girlfriend assures me) having a sex appeal you could boil milkshake with, and yet he has been dragged down by having all the promo talent of a crushed orange. Still he will always be in high demand for his parkour inspired spots and milk shake heating features.
On the other we have BxB Hulk, equipped with one of the most easy to watch and fluid styles I have seen in a very long time, but still being slightly hampered by the fact that I can’t understand a bloody word he says, but I can’t really fault him for that so I’ll just say that he looks like a complete pussy instead.
However I believe the quicker we get to the scoring the better in this case so let us get on with it.
World Wide Popularity. I’m starting to realise why I even bothered making this a category when we all know that the E happily piss into the eyes of everyone else every time. So as expected, JoMo gets a well deserved point.
Best Match. OK Mr Hulk definitely gets this one as the best match I’ve ever seen out of JoMo is his match with CM Punk on Smackdown from a couple of years ago and while it was good, BxB’s match with Shingo at Dragon Gate’s ‘Kobe World Festival’ blows it into the ionosphere. Another good point I feel I have to make is that BxB Hulk seems to be having good matches a lot more often than Morrison. I realise that Hulk gets a lot more time than John but that isn’t really as an excuse as a match doesn’t have to be long to be good.
Time Of Retirement. Yes this still applies to the younger ones as well, although it is far more based on prediction than the more elderly articles of these episodes. Do I see JoMo retiring early? No, should he retire early? Probably, I’m going on the basis that I don’t think he will ever be a main champion, partially because of his afore mentioned promo skills but mainly because he is surrounded by guys who simply look better with it where as JoMo looks like the kind of magpie who will put effeminate glitter and god knows what else on it. However, should BxB Hulk retire early? No, he can’t fucking afford to for one thing. While John won’t ever be seen as a legend, Hulk simply can’t get that status because he works for fucking Dragon Gate and thus will only ever be really respected in that company. Dragon Gate does that to its performers, there used to be a time when you could at least go off to ROH for a while like Shingo and get some notoriety but since communications have been rather fraught between the two companies, Dragon Gate are now the single most antisocial company in the entire world. Being a legend in Dragon Gate is like being in the CZW hall of fame or having a blockbuster video card in that no one gives a fuck no matter how many times you thrust the new Shrek film into their face. Thus, I’m going to give the point to JoMo as at least he has a chance of being remembered outside the E.
Move Set. BxB Hulk places a firm heel kick into John’s throat here as he has a tad more variety. I know that JoMo can be very creative but I get the feeling he has to put a LOT of thought into it, which is a shame as he seems to fall into the trap of only planning around two moves ahead before running out of things to do and just mindlessly punching and kicking (something he isn’t very good at). Whereas everything Hulk does is linked, it’s almost as though his matches are one long combo who sounds bad and linear but Hulk takes his moves in so many directions I can never tire of his style. I admit that John’s finishers have a tad more variety than Hulk’s as the latter has about ten thousand variations of the Emerald Frosion as a finisher, but John can’t be given any points for this as his famous Starship Pain hardly ever fucking connects properly, where as dropping someone on their neck is very hard to argue with. Point to BxB Hulk.
Number Of Main Title Reigns. My word we are at the end of the episode already, this is the deal breaker here. John’s main title reigns stand at 1, the 1 in question being the erstwhile ECW title. BxB Hulk’s count turns out at 1 also, his 1 being the Open The Freedom Gate title. Making this category tied, well fuck that, lets decide with the number of days each man had their belts for, making JoMo’s standing...69 days....oh dear oh dear John, BxB Hulk’s standing is...426. Making the final score John Morrison 2 and BxB Hulk 3.
How are your views on this comparison? Do you think the outcome was correct? Would you like to see a match between the two?
Please do comment.