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Dragon Gate UK Invasion Review

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OK then, first one of these...errm....yes....right. A lot of you may not know of this show and may have only just heard of the company from their USA branch but Dragon gate also likes to claim that they have a UK branch, which mean that every now and then, they remember when they visited that dreary bankarupt rock next to Europe and it actually went quite well, so they wander over for a couple of nights before going back to Japan to resume their usual dates etc. This review, is of the first time they came over. (Do try to be nice to the little newbie)

Dragon Gate UK Invasion Review:

Britain Britain Britain, even the word conjures up a confusing feeling of innate disappointment and pride, we know full well that we have the most pregnant teenagers and suspicious looking brown things in between our teeth but we just assume that means that we have the best pulling skills and can beat everyone else in a pie eating contest. It is these bountiful qualities that has probably lead us to being invaded so many times. Usually by Italians in silly hats or the occasional hobo with a large meat clever he’d like us to try and examine with our adam’s apples’ so i suppose its only fair that we let the Japanese have a go as well. But the good news is that their going to throw a wrestling show for us while their over here.

Well we start off with a dark match between the completely unknown Lion Kid and the completely and utterly unknown Stixx. This was the dark match for a reason, in fact i rarely remember any of the moves going off without a hitch and a word of advice to Stixx if you’re going to make any noise whilst doing your moves, make sure your not too loud, there is only so many times you can yell like an elephant with its nuts caught in a car door before people notice just how hilarious it is and can’t stop themselves giggling at you

Then we were treated to Loreal spokesman Genki Horiguchi and Ryo Saito vs the man too fat to fly Johnny Storm and that bloke who isn’t really as good as Zack Sabre Junior but at least his name isn’t quite as silly, Marty Scurll, i suppose you could call this a comedy match but it didn’t really get particularly funny at any point as after watching several Dragon Gate shows there is only so many jokes about Horiguchi’s pholical trouble that i can take and it just emphasises why he will never ever be a main player in any main event spot simply because he will always be seen as comic relief, seriously i get the impression that he could repetitively ram a petrol pump down a squirrels throat with one hand and brandish a ‘Sadam wasn’t all that bad’ sign with the other and people would still just say ‘oh well’ and make a bald joke, and since when did Ryo Saito become so one dimensional and dull to watch? What happened to the former open the dream gate champion who took some of the sickest kicks ive ever seen in the King Of Gate finals? Apparently that Ryo Saito died around the time Johnny Storm stopped being a half decent flyer and started to be a generic after thought who’s desire for chocolate has overcome his desire to defy gravity.

Moving away from the world of lost quality, the show begins to attempt to break itself free of the chains of unexpected boredom in the form of Mark Haskins vs KAGETORA, these two are rather odd little specemins on the one hand you have Mark Haskins, a man who looks to be the next real break out star for Britain although he is flirting dangerously with the Hade Vansen path to obscurity and on the other you have KAGETORA, a man who should be given a lot more credit than he gets. Seriously, i can honestly say that he is one of my favourite guys on the Dragon Gate roster simply because he looks like the kind of amiable person who says ‘thank you’ to the vending machine when it swallows his money and yet when he actually gets working he looks like a face kicking, head dropping demon. Shame about this match though, it seemed as though they weren’t really in agreement as to when the action should actually get exciting so when the finish finally came it merely relieved a wave of heavy eye lidded pre-action that never really went anywhere, but never mind that because now the show really gets into its stride.

In the form of Masato Yoshino vs Dragon Kid, now this was good but there wasn’t really anything overly different between this and the other thousand encounters they’ve had and i think they knew this because at times they weren’t really presenting back and forth action as simply taking it turns to do a string of moves that didn’t really go anywhere, ive heard of wrestling chess but at times this was more wrestling checkers. That being said however it must also be said that for the second half of the match they actually seem to get a bit annoyed with themselves and start putting some genuine feeling into it making me forget entirely about the half heartedly polite turn taking from before, however the next match made me forget about the entire show that came before it.

Some people call it Shingo vs Susumu Yokosuka but i prefer to call it THE BEST MATCH ON BRITISH SOIL IN FUCKING AGES!!!! Seriously in camp Shingo they were throwing enormous A-Bombs that he calls forearms to which camp Yokosuka thought well if thats the case i’ll just walk through them throwing A-Bombs that i call lariats. I can honestly say that even non-wrestling fans will get one hell of a kick out of this match. Youve heard of the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object, well this is like that if the force was a train stuffed with C-4 and the object was a mountain that was on fire. However hold onto your finely singed hats as the main event is next.

I’ll be honest, i wasn’t sure if this match would be able to outshine the one that came before but fortunately Dragon Gate is an incredibly well balanced entity, well balanced as in, bloody heavy. Every single person on the roster is capable of a five star performance, thus it logically works that 6 men are better than 2 and it really did apply here. If you’re a fan of storytelling then you can stick your head in between a rock and a slightly bigger rock because this is how you end a show. It couldn’t have been more exciting if they had had a small gun battle before hand and if you disagree then i would put it to you that you don’t like fun and that you’re always the one holding everyone’s stuff as they go on a rollercoaster.

Overall, this show was pretty damn good, it practically teased me with the idea of an average B-show for the first half which only caused me to pop with glee for every breath. I couldn’t haveasked for a better show to be my first review and with any luck, more will follow.

Did i mention this was my first blog? Oh i did...well there we are then.....

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