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I Believe the phrase was "Phony Punk"

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John Cena has sucked for a long time.

It's common knowledge that the only people still in Cenation are kids and women. Even the few guys who still rock fruity have one foot out the door and dreams of greener pastures in Chicagoland. You take a look at the biggest guys in WWE, the "go-home" guys, and that's John Cena and Randy Orton. And the difference there can be summed up pretty easily.

On Orton's side you get

"LET'S GO RANDY!"

"LET'S GO ORTON!"

Cena? Rock said it best

"LET'S GO CENA!"

"CENA SUCKS!"

Well why does Cena suck? Why do people hate him? When did they start hating him? I've been thinking about it recently and I came up with the answer that Cena always did. Cena always sucked. There was never a time when he didn't. True, there was a time when Cena wasn't hated like he is now. What was different then? Let's look at nuts and bolts as I see it. So what makes people like a wrestler? What makes a wrestler good?

There's three things a wrestler has that make people like him. Three main areas. One, mic skills. Two, ring skills. Three, a look. Let's look at Cena in each department.

First one is mic skills. This is easily Cena's strongest area. It's the reason he's so over and the reason he's lasted so long. Cena can sell a few words. But if he's so great on the mic then why can't he just convince people and win them back over with each new promo? Why don't people love him for what he does on the mic all the time? When I was thinking about it recently the answer I came up with is just simply that each promo is the same shit. He can't win people over with each new promo because there is no new promo. It's the same damn promo each time. Seriously you could take all of his stupid promos, stack them up next to eachother, and they'd all be the same with words rearranged.

Cena has mastered inflection and tone in his voice. Like the Rock, he's dramatic. Unlike the Rock, he's repetitive and cheesy. Here's an average Cena promo. Pretend I'm Cena, in a reply to Miz or someone else.

"WHOA WHOA WHOA HANG ON HANG ON HANG ON JUST A SECOND! JUST ONE SECOND! (one hang on too many). WHAT AM I HEARING?! WHAT IS THE WWE UNIVERSE HERE IN THIS BUILDING HEARING?! (we're not with you and pretending we are pisses us off. you lost your ability to speak for us if you ever had it.) YOU KNOW MIZ IF YOU SPENT HALF AS MUCH TIME COMPETING IN THIS RING AS YOU DO TALKING IN IT YOU MIGHT HAVE A TITLE AROUND YOUR(here's where he slows down and lowers his voice because it's joke time)... RATHER FEMININE... RATHER DOUGHY... RATHER WHINY WAIST. BUT YOU DONT. (now we're serious) YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU DON'T COMPETE. (here comes the boston) AH GOT THIS TITLE CUZ AH COMPETE IN THIS RING EVRUH NIGHT. IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE. CUZ AH BELEIVE IN THIS AND AH BELIEVE IN THE WWE TITLE! (he pronounced that last statement like a question. he went up in pitch at the end there. he does that) I SUGGEST WE JUST STOP ALL THIS TALK AND THROW DOWN AND SETTLE IT IN A MATCH (a "match".)

It's the same shit. All he has is a talent for emoting and he says nothing new. It's the same crap and older people see through it. I don't think the Rock knew how much truth he was speaking or maybe he did. But the fact is that adult males can "see through bullshit." And each one of Cena's promos is phony. Much of Cena on the mic nowadays is just phony.

So that's mic skills. There, but lacking substance, lately, if they ever had it. So basically they're phony.

I'll leave his look for last. So his in-ring skills. Arguably his weakest area. What's right or wrong about them? Well frankly they're not there. Cena wins a million matches without fighting them. His main skills are doing a few maneuvers to end the match after he gets beaten down. Now he's not alone in this, great names in the past have followed this formula. And even the Rock is guilty of that. But Cena brings a special devotion to this crap formula.

Now, there's some people who will argue that he can wrestle, and they usually mention OVW. Now if you'll forgive me but I don't follow OVW and don't know about his matches there from years ago. And if you'll forgive me once again that I'm not gonna go take the risk to watch a bunch of Cena matches to see if he has ring skills. I'm only concerned with what I see of Cena in the WWE.

Now, there's some people who will again argue he can wrestle, and they run down his moves he does in the WWE. They usually mention some basic crap like arm drag, hip toss, dropkick. To that I say if you can count that stuff then that means that half the roster is stealing Cena's signatures. The main move he does that you don't see often is the fisherman suplex. And he botches that shit every time. Someone should tell Cena they're supposed to land on their back not right on their freakin tailbone. Jesus I cringe for his opponents.

So basically, in addition to his comeback, he's got a selection of basic moves that somehow all became signatures, in addition to a poorly done fisherman suplex. Phony.

Now, you'll notice before that when I was talking about his mic skills I omitted his rap ability. This ties in with his look so I'll talk about that now. So, his look. Now before I could go "It's a pair of jeans. It's a friggin pair of jeans." There is to be remembered that Cena's look is culturally relevant. Or at least in the last decade it was culturally relevant. In the early and mid of the last decade, hip-hop was on its highest peak. Cena's look was relevant. As hip-hop faded a bit, so too did Cena change his look. He dropped the bling and the jerseys and somehow picked up an army thing that he had for a while. But his real transition, his real change and most meaningful change, came when he turned into the super hero.

DUH DUH DUH! HIS MOMENTUM IS MORE POWERFUL THAN A LOCOMOTIVE! HIS COMEBACKS HAPPEN FASTER THAN SPEEDING BULLET! RIGHT TO YOUR HEAD VIEWER! HE'S ABLE TO BURY ALL WRESTLERS IN A SINGLE SLAM!

Yeah. Cena became personified by the rainbow, a credo, and children everywhere loved him. And then he was unstoppable. And the kids loved him for being unstoppable. And the adults threw up. Batman, one of the most successful superheros, and perhaps the single most relevant to the older audience, has bad days. He isn't perfect. He has inner turmoil and he's just like you and me. He gets by on his determination and his wit. Not Cena. Cena gets by on his 5 moves and the love of children. So all that said. Right now that's what Cena's look is based on. Being unstoppable and being hero.

So what is his look? It's a pair of jeans. Some underpants. A pair of sneakers. He's everyman and he's the man. It's simple and unassuming. It juxtaposes his center-stage situation and his ultimate power. And maybe that was a good thing early on, however now at this point, it's boring. And also, it's so put-together and assembled. His entire look is a piece of merchandise. For a guy who wins so much he looks like a goof and that's not it, it's a goof whose goof sells by the bucket load. And comes in separate pieces all sold separately. Here kids! Goof it f'realz! Thug life! Eat your hot garbage and get big and strong like me! I'm a tough guy! That's pimping merch for the man! He was a hip-hop guy once. And this gave him a culture and an essence.

And that leads me to his rap. Rapping was a talent and something he did that was fun and gave him something. And while he did it he had something. If you're gonna be a hip hop guy then be a hip hop guy. Rap. Do something connected to the culture. Now he doesn't do it anymore. And it hurts him. He just did it recently and people we're saying he'd outdone the Rock. The Rock. People were saying that. But he came out a second time and what happened? It wasn't as good. Wasn't near as good. And I think because his rapping isn't so hot either. Or maybe it was just that he couldn't step it up and remain palatable. Either way, his rapping is phony or him trying to remain true to this new gimmick is now making his rap phony. In the end it's phony.

Now, he's a shell of a hip-hop guy that has now become his own culture and his own essence. Which is basically the top wrestler for being the top wrestler. Because when you take away the rap culture and the rapping that used to make him interesting and give him substance, but wasn't suitable for children, and you look at what is put in by his wrestling skills (non existent and phony) and his mic skills (light and phony), he doesn't have much to give him substance other than the fact he's there a lot, and he's the top guy because he's there. So basically the top guy for being the top guy. Again, phony.

His look doesn't portray character anymore it just is a caricature of the centreman. The hero. Which is packaged in a veneer of something that is losing its mainstream approval after the last decade. And that's it, it's phony.

Now I understand that Cena is still something that people enjoy and that is good otherwise he wouldn't be followed. There wouldn't be a Cenation. So let's list some positives of his in each area.

Phony mic skills. Well like I said he is dramatic and good at selling on the mic. So he does bring the main-event even if for us older fellas the main-event sucks.

Phony wrestling skills. His moves suck but they go off easy, and they go off reliably, and they have impact. Again, bringing the main-event. The shitty main-event but bringing the main-event anyway.

Phony look. Yeah. But when he shows up you can see him. Like Rock said you can see him. So again you know it's the main-event.

So he does have positives. You just can't look too hard. Or it all starts looking phony.

That's why he sucks. He's phony. And he was always. It's just the one thing that was holding him back, his hip-hop connection, that justified the bare-bones, rough gritty moves, the over the top mic skills, and the stupid look, is gone now. And now it's blatantly apparent.

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  1. The Hipster's Avatar
    Though I respect your opinion, and it was an excellent blog, I have to disagree. Cena is talented on the mic. He gets bashed because he is the "IT" guy. Go back and look at others at the time: Hogan, Rock, HHH, HBK Bret Hart, and the most overrated wrestler in history, Ric Flair. They all did the same schitck time and again but there were adored. Most, except the Rock, kept their look the same. Cena also gets nailed for his "wrestling" skill and "SuperCena." Again look at Rock, Hogan and Flair. They were the same way. How does a guy the size of Hogan get his ass kicked for most of the match and win? Conversally, how does a guy like Flair get his ass kicked for most of the match and win? It makes good drama and good tv. Love him or hate him, Cena makes good tv. Wrestling has been pretty much the smae for the past 10-15 years, only the names and titles change hands. Good read though, and I sincerly mean that.
  2. Kyle Fitta's Avatar
    I hate the invalid argument that people with more moves are better wrestlers. That's such an illogical argument. Some wrestlers have 5,000 moves (see the indies) and almost every move they do has no meaning, because they don't know when, where, or why to do it. Anyone can train a monkey to do a moonsault, but they cannot train a monkey to know when, where, or why to do it.

    Bret Hart generally had 5 moves, yet he was the master of psychology because he understood how to make it look real. He knew when it was needed to hit his 5 moves and he knew when it wasn't needed.

    I could go on and on about how dumb of a statement that is, but, quite frankly, I've done it too many times and it's becoming tiresome. The point is John Cena is a good all-around wrestler. I am a long time wrestling fan and I like him. His promos are corny sometimes, but he doesn't write them, thus blame the writers, not him. His matches are repetitive at times, but that only makes the ones that aren't mean more. Plus, what wouldn't get a little stale if you saw it all week. Eat your favorite dinner for 30 minutes every Monday and tell me how it tastes in 5 years.

    Cena isn't the most athletic guy in the company, he doesn't execute the moves flawlessly like some guys can, he cannot bump like some guys can, he can not sell like some guys can, his timing isn't the best nor is his storytelling, but he has two things that you can never take away from the guy and it's something that I'd take over some amateur wrestler who can execute moves perfectly: passion and charisma. And those two things make him the most over wrestler right now. Because if you hate him or love him, you express the same amount of passion that he delivers in the ring due to the fact that he comes through your TV screens.
    Updated 07-31-2011 at 12:09 AM by Kyle Fitta
  3. daniel bryan mark's Avatar
    Everything you said was "phony" isn't Cena's fault. It's WWE's fault. They don't want to change their "poster boy". WWE's thinking is if it ain't broke, then don't try to fix it. They're still making money, so they don't want to change it.

    By the way, those "phony" skills aren't phony. You just dont want to do research and check. He has mic skill, in-ring skill, and the look. He's the perfect "poster boy".
  4. Murphdogg4's Avatar
    You can't blame Cena for his interviews being repetitive, blame the writers. They are the problem for him and most the guys on the Roster, they don't have the freedom to get cutlose like Cm Punk was allowed to.
  5. TheVipersCenation's Avatar
    Cena hasn't always sucked, After Vince branded him the face of the company he started catering to kids and relying on his 5 moves of doom to beat anyone who came in his path.. I mean look at Cena's thug gimmick he had mic skills, a good moveset and a strong character that people loved to hate, and when he turned face everyone loved him because of that character.
  6. TheVipersCenation's Avatar
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVeih_Gqakc

    Don't mind Cena and Orton's hair lol These too had skills before WWE posterized em.
  7. jethro's Avatar
    Cena doesn't look like a wrestler,wear pair of short jeans...come on. Anyway for the people who didn't like Cena's 5 moves of doom whatever,less moves is more,its safer to say the least (except for his fisherman's suplex which could hurt the tailbone).Lesser dangerous move like any headdrops means low risk of getting injury.
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