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Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 08:11 AM
This is a thread for anyone, with any funny football related japery! Wheather it be jokes, Chants, Quotes, Banners, Bloopers, Gaffs, Videos whatever you fancy:

I'll start off, with a Top Ten Commandments, for your better half, during the World Cup:


1: From 11th June until 11th July 2010, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions.* The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be cancelled for a month.

2: If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting in the beers, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.

3: During the Tournament, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you get the flavour of the Tournament

4: During the games I will be blinkered to the match.* You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, it wont happen.

5: It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6: Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ' get over it, its only a game', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called ' words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7: The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

8: Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go.
However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

9: You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. The daily football season highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even say ' but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?

10: And finally, please save your expressions such as: 'Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years'.* I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 08:22 AM
Footballer's Quotes:

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country'. Ian Rush

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona'. Mark Draper

'Do you remember when we played in Spain in the Anglo-Italian Cup?' Shaun Newton

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win'. Vinny Jones

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock'. Barry Venison

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7'. David Beckham

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet'. David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league'. Mark Viduka

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right'. Lee Hendrie

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had'. David Beckham

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day'. Neville Southall
'
Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today'. Steve Lomas

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 08:25 AM
Quotes from Managers:

Ivor Powell
Ivor a Welshman, who successfully managed Bradford City and Carlisle allegedly uttered these words after a good season on the field, 'Without doubt, one of the secrets of our successful season was the harmonium in the dressing room.'

After a celebratory dinner he was heard to say, 'We had a lovely meal. Lovely. We had a big steak with all the tarnishings.'

Ron Saunders
Big Ron, of Aston Villa and Birmingham fame, when asked about unrest in the dressing room and behind the scenes supposedly replied, 'Allegations are all very well but I would like to know who these alligators are.'

When asked to explain how a 2-0 lead became a 3-2 defeat Saunders uttered the immortal words, 'As I see it, if you're going to commit suicide, you don't do it yourself.'

Dick Duckworth
Dick Duckworth spoke to John Sadler in 1962 to say how pleased he was with Scunthorpe's side. He commented, 'I think I have the best side I've ever had now. We've a nice blend of old 'uns and youngsters. I think I've got the mucus of a good team.'

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 08:31 AM
More manager and player quotes:

It was really difficult for us, playing in the midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off. David Beckham

Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales. Ron Greenwood, former England Manager

I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the game - one's already been sent off. Jimmy Greaves

I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know what day it is! Steve Mclaren

It's headed away by John Clark, using his head. Derek Rae, Commentator

I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different. Kevin Keegan

Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve. John Greig, Football Analyst

That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass. Murdo Macleod.

Hearts are now playing with a five-man back four. Alan McInally

Solskjaer never misses the target. That time he hit the post. Peter Scmeichel

He's got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee. Frank Stapleton

If you are in the six-yard box, standing in an offside position, then you are offside. Steve Bruce

VanHooliganX
10-08-2011, 10:05 AM
More manager and player quotes:

It was really difficult for us, playing in the midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off. David Beckham

Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales. Ron Greenwood, former England Manager

I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the game - one's already been sent off. Jimmy Greaves

I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know what day it is! Steve Mclaren

It's headed away by John Clark, using his head. Derek Rae, Commentator

I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different. Kevin Keegan

Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve. John Greig, Football Analyst

That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass. Murdo Macleod.

Hearts are now playing with a five-man back four. Alan McInally

Solskjaer never misses the target. That time he hit the post. Peter Scmeichel

He's got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee. Frank Stapleton

If you are in the six-yard box, standing in an offside position, then you are offside. Steve Bruce

Think you're missing Keegans 'WOULD LOVE IT IF WE WON!' quote and Steve McLearntomanageateamproperly's fake dutch accent interview lol


My personal favourite interview is the 1 with Harry Rednapp and someone kicks the ball into the back of his head and him having a go at the guy who did it XD

A few moments I feel I should note for this thread that made me laugh.
- Sunderlands beech ball goal. So stupid, how that could stand as a goal is beyond me.
- Fergie shitting himself when a coach next to him pops a balloon
- Ballotelli unable to put on a warm up bib, good grief!

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 10:11 AM
Think you're missing Keegans 'WOULD LOVE IT IF WE WON!' quote and Steve McLearntomanageateamproperly's fake dutch accent interview lol


My personal favourite interview is the 1 with Harry Rednapp and someone kicks the ball into the back of his head and him having a go at the guy who did it XD

A few moments I feel I should note for this thread that made me laugh.
- Sunderlands beech ball goal. So stupid, how that could stand as a goal is beyond me.
- Fergie shitting himself when a coach next to him pops a balloon
- Ballotelli unable to put on a warm up bib, good grief!

Ha! I'll never forget that Sunderland goal, my Everton mate still takes the piss!
My favourite Ballotelli story, was the game he couldn't play in for City, as he was allergic to that particular type of grass!!!

I'm off to find some Holloway quotes!!!

VanHooliganX
10-08-2011, 10:38 AM
Ha! I'll never forget that Sunderland goal, my Everton mate still takes the piss!
My favourite Ballotelli story, was the game he couldn't play in for City, as he was allergic to that particular type of grass!!!

I'm off to find some Holloway quotes!!!

Haha yeah. Never a dull moment with football :)

I must post a few Chris Kamara videos. God he makes me laugh for gillete soccer saturday.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 10:46 AM
Haha yeah. Never a dull moment with football :)

I must post a few Chris Kamara videos. God he makes me laugh for gillete soccer saturday.

Hell Yeah, please do! Kamara is God!!

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 07:28 PM
Some more quotes:

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well'. Alan Shearer

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we' re knocked out'. Peter Shilton

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing'. Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match'. Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier'. Ugo Ehiogu

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough'. Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel'. Stuart Pearce

'The Brazilians were South American, the Ukrainians will be more European'. Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed'. Mitchell Thomas

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best'. Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd'. Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals'. Thierry Henry.

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football'. Les Ferdinand.

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked'. Richard Rufus.

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between'. Gary Lineker.

'If you don't concede any goals you'll win more games than you lose'. Wayne Bridge.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 07:30 PM
Not the cleverest remarks:


And now an International Soccer Special, Manchester United v Southampton.
David Coleman

Real possession football, this.* And Zico's lost it.
John Helm

52,000 people here at Maine Road tonight, but my goodness me, it seems like 50,000.
Byron Butler

I think Charlie George was one of Arsenal's all time great players. A lot of people might not agree with that, but I personally do.
Jimmy Greaves

That goal surprised most people, least of all myself.
Garth Crooks

Nottingham Forest are having a bad run, they've lost six matches in a row now without winning.
David Coleman

He hit the post, and after the game people will say, well, he hit the post.
Jimmy Greaves

At the end of the day, the Arsenal fans demand that we put eleven players on the pitch.
Don Howe

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 07:42 PM
The Man, The Legend Ian Holloway's Top 20 Quotes, 20-11:

20. “I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose thats one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.” – about the new rule restricting footballers from removing their shirts during a match.

19. “Hasney’s bust his hooter. He can smell round corners now.” – on an injury sustained by central defender Hasney Aljofree.

18. “Sir David Beckham? You’re having a laugh. He’s just a good footballer with a famous bird. Can you imagine if Posh was called Lady Beckham? We’d never hear the end of it!” – on rumours about a possible knighthood for David Beckham.

17. “We need a big, ugly defender. If we had one of them we’d have dealt with County’s first goal by taking out the ball, the player and the first three rows of seats in the stands.” – after a defeat against Notts County.

16. “Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.” – on criticism from Plymouth Argyle fans during Leicester City’s match against Plymouth Argyle.

15. “It’s all very well having a great pianist playing but it’s no good if you haven’t got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.” – after being criticised for using defensive players in midfield.

14. “Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.” – on veteran striker Paul Furlong.

13. “If he’s only worth £4 million, then I’m a Scotsman called Mctavish.” – Again on bids received for captain Charlie Adam

12. “Have you ever seen The Incredibles? They have a a kid and he’s just so quick, like ‘WOOSH’ and he’s gone, and they call him ‘Dash’. – on Scott Sinclair, then on loan at Argyle.

11. “It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. (…) If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.” – on Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton mooning Everton fans

Wade Barrett 1979
10-08-2011, 07:44 PM
The Man, The Legend Ian Holloway's Top 20 Quotes, 10-1:

10. “When my wife first saw Marc for the first time, she said he was a fine specimen of a man. She says I have nothing to worry about, but I think she wants me to buy her a QPR shirt with his name on the back for Christmas.” – on QPR’s new Danish striker Marc Nygaard.

9. “I call us the Orange club – because our future’s bright!” – on QPR’s potential.

8. “It’s like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I’ve had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we’ve got hold of the galaxy now. It’s in our hands.” - Holloway on QPR’s financial situation.

7. “Every dog has its day, and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark!” – Holloway after securing promotion to the Championship.”

6. “I am a football manager. I can’t see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis.” – asked whether QPR would be able to beat Manchester City.

5. “It was lucky that the linesman wasn’t stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.” – Holloway states his opinion about the linesman’s performance in a game against Bristol City.

4. “He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.” – talking about Cristiano Ronaldo.

3. “Dream on! If they want to insult me by only offering £3.5 million and then get it all over the paper and try to upset me well, sorry, they’re barking up the wrong tree, they’re messing with the wrong dog and I’ll come and bite them.” – On bids received for captain Charlie Adam.

2. “To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee” – on the “ugly” win against Chesterfield. This is perhaps Holloway’s most famous quote.

1. “If I was in there I wouldn’t try to be everybody’s friend. I’d have to say ‘Excuse me, hang on a minute, I think you’re wrong there. Don’t raise your voice at her like that, don’t get like that. It’s just an Oxo cube, we got it wrong and we’re all in this together’. It’s like the Witches of Eastwick. They need Jack Nicholson to come in and sort them right out.” – on the bullying of Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother 2007.

pauadrian
10-08-2011, 09:00 PM
my god its only 5 fans of football in ewn

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 06:47 AM
my god its only 5 fans of football in ewn

I know, I thought there would be more of us!! Oh well, we can keep each other entertained with footy stories, when we want a break from wrestling chat! :)

Juvenile Junkie
10-09-2011, 08:14 AM
my god its only 5 fans of football in ewn

six,I am here.You are all saved.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 08:24 AM
six,I am here.You are all saved.

Ha! Good to know! :)

jordan1995
10-09-2011, 09:01 AM
call that 7.. representing sunderland :)

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 09:15 AM
call that 7.. representing sunderland :)

Brilliant! Spread the word, I'm sure we can get in to double figures! :)

CGBigMan
10-09-2011, 09:24 AM
Imma footbsll fan:)

Tomsta666
10-09-2011, 09:43 AM
#9 here. I've enjoyed reading these, just haven't got around to posting anything yet! ;)

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 10:11 AM
Just one more, to get in to double figures!! :)

Rich Cranium
10-09-2011, 10:16 AM
Someone say football? I represent the Buccaneers!

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 10:19 AM
Someone say football? I represent the Buccaneers!

There's always one!! :p

OK for our American brethren: Soccer on here! :)

Juvenile Junkie
10-09-2011, 12:01 PM
Someone say football? I represent the Buccaneers!

proper football,the one without the 47 layers of protection,a helmet,45 minute breaks after each play,and with players who only leave the field when sent off,injured or substituted,not the 110 person rotation that is american football.

Juvenile Junkie
10-09-2011, 12:19 PM
Top 10 things Italy hates about England


By Carlo Garganese


10) Languages

English may be the most important language in the world, but surely that doesn’t give any right to players being unable to even say hello in Italian or Spanish. Then you have Dutchmen and Scandinavians who are so fluent that they can speak better English than most Englishmen.

9) Journalists

There are a few great English football journalists such as Tim Vickery, Sid Lowe and, of course, the legendary Brian Glanville but the large majority in the mainstream media are truly dreadful. Just because they can write and speak the Queen’s English doesn’t mean they know anything about football. If I want some great prose, I will read Shakespeare. All knowledge stops at Southampton, and the tactical understanding of the game is even worse.

8) English Grounds

They're brand-spanking new for the most part, they're full to the brim almost without exception and they're generally safe, but English-style stadia are not the Holy Grail for most Italian fans. The perceived lack of atmosphere at English grounds, and the inability to make supporting your team more of a show leads to Italians blocking regular calls for changes to an 'English Model'. Not to mention the fact that it is so expensive to buy tickets in the EPL that many of the young, passionate generation can’t afford to watch their team.

7) Travelling Fans

Granted, Italian policing is not up to scratch and stadiums need upgrading, but, it is no coincidence that whenever England fans travel abroad there generally tends to be trouble. Things have improved since the dark ages of the 70s and 80s, but smashed up bars, baton attacks, and tasteless songs such as ’10 German Bombers in the Air’ are a common theme.

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6) England World Cup Favourites

There is one thing that you can guarantee before every World Cup, and that is England will be labelled as favourites to win the competition by their own media. It has happened every tournament since the dawn of time, even during Euro 2008 qualification when The Three Lions failed to progress to the finals. Quite why the press makes the same mistake in building up unrealistic expectations is a mystery, but it still makes the whole world laugh more than a Pele prediction so please don’t stop for our sake!

5) Richard Scudamore

The champion of the New World Order. If the Chief Executive of the FA Premier League had his way, then the EPL would be the only league in the world. It would be like the NBA of football. All that matters for Scudamore is that the elite who control the game make plenty of money, hence his shameful ‘39th step’ proposal that will see the EPL play an extra game a season abroad.

4) Football Shows

Soccer AM has its good moments, but in general football shows in England are sooooooo dull. There is no analysis, no creativity, no entertainment, no diversity, and everything is so predictable. Match of the Day involves Alan Shearer and Alan Hansen agreeing with each other for five minutes, as Gary Lineker throws in the odd smarmy joke, while the rest of the package is merely highlights.

In Italy, there are live shows filled with special guests, celebrities, music, a lively audience, interviews – and you have many to choose from – Domenica Sportiva, Controcampo, Gnok etc. There is real debate and fiery arguments to stimulate the mind, and stunning showgirl eye-candy to stimulate you in other areas.

3) Foreigners.

Opening up a country to different cultures and nationalities is a great thing, but the EPL has gone too far. Foreigners have taken over the identity of the previously English game.

The Premier League is dominated by foreign managers, foreign directors, foreign owners, and foreign players who make up almost 70 per cent of the league. Even the manager of the England national team is foreign. English Premier League? More like Foreign Premier League.

2) Pirates

Volcanic Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini labelled them ‘pirates’, while Napoli chief Aurelio De Laurentiis infamously offered them some cleaner advice – all because Serie A has become fed up about the number of talented teenagers poached by Premier League sides for a pittance before the starlets sign professional terms.

Vincenzo Camilleri, Fabio Zamblera, Giuseppe Rossi, Arturo Lupoli, Federico Macheda, Davide Petrucci – these are just a meagre selection of the youngsters plundered from the peninsula by Captain Blackbeard and his bandits.

1) SKY Sports

It could only be SKY Sports England at No.1. Sky attempts to, and in most cases succeeds in brainwashing the English nation about the game of football. It is repeatedly shoved down everyone’s throats that the Premier League is the “best league in the world”, with it even allegedly being written into the contracts of staff that they have to repeat this line in order to keep their job.

The rest of the world is treated as if it doesn't exist, and Serie A is only ever reported on when there has been violence or racism. All negative events in England are covered up/toned down to protect the business product, while Sky ignore any big sporting events that they aren’t showing themselves. “We don’t have the rights to the World Cup final? Ok, we will hype up glass chin Amir Khan’s fight against some ‘world-class’ nobody instead”.

To be a Sky Sports pundit you must know absolutely nothing about non-English football, you must memorise every cliché in the book such as “It ain’t over until the fat lady sings”, you must spout out every stereotype such as “Italian players dive and are old and slow” and “Germans always score late goals”, you must believe that Claude Makelele invented the defensive midfield position, everyone learned free kicks off Cristiano Ronaldo, everyone is unproven until they have played in England - including Lionel Messi, and finally you must say that the Premier League is the “best league in the world” at least 20 times an hour.

Juvenile Junkie
10-09-2011, 12:22 PM
TOP 10 quotes from NAPOLI presidant,Aurelio Di Laurentiis



Lionel Messi is a cretin'
Posted: 2011-07-31 10:22

'Lionel Messi is a cretin', 'English women don't wash', 'I will chop Mazzoni's balls off': the top 10 rants of Napoli president Aurelio de Laurentiis.

The controversial chief is famous for his various rants – here are 10 of the best, following his threat to quit football earlier in the week.

He arrived seven years ago from the world of cinema and went straight into an unknown world in football.

With the passing of time though, Aurelio De Laurentiis is thinking of trying to change that world through revolution with his own ideas. Not many have listened, but the Napoli president does not care.

And why should he? When in those seven seasons, he has taken his club from Lega Pro, to the Champions League. The results speak for themselves, but it's De Laurentiis' talking which has led to controversy.

Frank, arrogant and colourful. There is a bit of everything in the DNA of the Italian film producer.

His dramatic outburst that stole the show at the unveiling of the Italian League calendar is the latest gem in a long series of over the top statements. Here are the top 10.

10. "I WON'T BEAT YOU UP BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OLD MAN."

After a 2-2 draw at home against Lazio, the owner clashed with then Napoli coach Edy Reja. According to those around the San Paolo, there was a heated exchange within the dressing-rooms.

"I won't beat you up because you are an old man, but I am going to sack you," thundered De Laurentiis.

9. "THE ENGLISH LIVE BADLY, EAT BADLY AND THEIR WOMEN DO NOT WASH."

How do you hit back at those who claim Premier League clubs want Marek Hamsik and Ezequiel Lavezzi? Easy, you advise your star players about the perils of English life.

"If they want to go to England then in the end they're going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery."

8. "IF YOU ARE AN ATHLETE THEN YOU DON'T USE PROSTITUTES."

The relationship between Napoli and Lavezzi hit a crisis in 2009 when the player appeared keen on leaving the club and the president responded in typically raucous fashion.

He said: "If you are an athlete then you don't use prostitutes and go drinking out late at night. I cannot do anything if someone always goes drinking at four in the morning and then uses hookers after."

7. "DONADONI SAID WE NEED A MIDFIELDER? WHY DOESN'T HE BUY ONE?"

During the summer of 2009, De Laurentiis conducted a brilliant campaign in the transfer market. However, Roberto Donadoni said he wanted a left-sided midfielder via the media and it did not go well with his boss.

"Donadoni said we need a left midfielder? Why doesn't he buy one then? If he buys him then that will be good." Five months later Donadoni was no longer the coach.

6. "EUROPA LEAGUE? I DON'T GIVE A S**T ABOUT THIS COMPETITION."

Napoli had just beaten Elfsborg at the San Paolo and had a good chance of progressing through to the group stages of the Europa League, but De Laurentiis was not particularly interested.

"Europa League? I don't give a s**t about this competition, thanks to [Sepp] Blatter and [Michel] Platini it is not worth anything."

5. "THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO AGAINST BERLUSCONI."

Midway through last season, Napoli were flying high in the League after a 3-0 win over Juventus. Some started to talk about their title credentials, but De Laurentiis, like he did with the Europa League, simply didn't want to know.

"Do I believe in the Scudetto? No, I don't. Berlusconi wants the title and he will do everything to take it home with him. There is nothing you can do against Berlusconi."

4. "YOUR QUESTION IS ONE THAT JUST KEEPS BREAKING MY BALLS."

Asked by a La Gazzetta dello Sport journalist whether his three main stars Lavezzi, Marek Hamsik and Edinson Cavani would be sold, the Italian chief responded in a style unique to his lyrical fashion.

"If my stars go then it will be a result of the continuous pushing from a medium from La Gazzetta dello Sport. Your question is one that just keeps breaking my balls."

3. "IF MAZZONI STARTS BEING STUPID THEN I WILL CHOP HIS BALLS OFF."

With transfer rumours continuing to revolve around Napoli's best players, the owner responded brutally to the possibility of Lavezzi leaving the San Paolo.

He said: "If [Alejandro] Mazzoni (Lavezzi's agent) starts being stupid then I will chop his balls off."

2. "MESSI IS A CRETIN."

From their pre-season camp, the Italian film guru questioned Lionel Messi's decision to travel to this summer's Copa America.

"Messi is a cretin who accepted to go there. If I was Messi I would have said 'I won't come to show myself up in front of four idiots who have no clue on how to play me'."

1. "I WILL QUIT FOOTBALL. YOU LOT ARE ALL S**T."

De Laurentiis had hoped for a simple Serie A fixture list due to Napoli's commitments in the Champions League. He got anything but as they were drawn against AC Milan on week three - which takes place within days the Champions League group stages.

"I will quit football. You lot are all s**t," he said as he left the Lega Calcio offices.

"I will go back to making films. It's a disgrace everything is fixed and I am ashamed to be an Italian."

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 12:46 PM
'Messi is a cretin' :D

VanHooliganX
10-09-2011, 01:27 PM
There's always one!! :p

OK for our American brethren: Soccer on here! :)

Yep sadly. 1 day they may called it Gridiron like the creator called it.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-09-2011, 05:22 PM
Yep sadly. 1 day they may called it Gridiron like the creator called it.

I wouldn't hold your breath though mate!

No_1eddiefan
10-10-2011, 01:37 AM
Double Figures!!!

Come on you Whites! (Leeds) ;)

Juvenile Junkie
10-10-2011, 04:52 AM
Double Figures!!!

Come on you Whites! (Leeds) ;)

Leeds?......Rhinos right?

Wade Barrett 1979
10-10-2011, 05:47 AM
Double Figures!!!

Come on you Whites! (Leeds) ;)

Woohoo!! Nice one! 10 of us!!

No_1eddiefan
10-10-2011, 07:31 AM
Leeds?......Rhinos right?

United haha :')

If you're looking for a famous South African that played for us...Lucas Radebe will always be a legend at Leeds.

Tomsta666
10-10-2011, 08:40 AM
United haha :')

If you're looking for a famous South African that played for us...Lucas Radebe will always be a legend at Leeds.

You've just reminded me, about another African who played for the Scum.
You remember Tony Yeboah??? I think he was Nigerian.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KxdTwXa23k&feature=related

Couple of wonder strikes right there, in an mid 90s stylee!!

Wade Barrett 1979
10-10-2011, 10:47 AM
You've just reminded me, about another African who played for the Scum.
You remember Tony Yeboah??? I think he was Nigerian.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KxdTwXa23k&feature=related

Couple of wonder strikes right there, in an mid 90s stylee!!

I'll always remember, the one he scored against us!! :( It was class though :p

No_1eddiefan
10-10-2011, 12:52 PM
You've just reminded me, about another African who played for the Scum.
You remember Tony Yeboah??? I think he was Nigerian.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KxdTwXa23k&feature=related

Couple of wonder strikes right there, in an mid 90s stylee!!

The Liverpool goal won our greatest goal ever poll. Wimbledon came 4th I think.

And thanks for the scum bit ;) wouldn't expect anything less from a Boro fan!

Speaking of a wonder strike, remember this one? ;) My personal pick for our goal of the season last season...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrEfU7FPXJw

Steve Austin
10-10-2011, 07:20 PM
There's a few more football fans on here that just don't come on alot like me (computer troubles at the moment :( )

Juvenile Junkie
10-11-2011, 12:33 AM
United haha :')

If you're looking for a famous South African that played for us...Lucas Radebe will always be a legend at Leeds.

I know,even the band the Kaizer Chiefs got their name from him,because he played in South Africa for a team called the Kaizer Chiefs.

Juvenile Junkie
10-11-2011, 12:35 AM
You've just reminded me, about another African who played for the Scum.
You remember Tony Yeboah??? I think he was Nigerian.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KxdTwXa23k&feature=related

Couple of wonder strikes right there, in an mid 90s stylee!!

He was from Ghana.Played for Leeds.

Another United legend is Peter Risdale........................................... .................................................. ........................a Man United legend!

Juvenile Junkie
10-11-2011, 12:38 AM
a legend at Leeds.

The thin kid at fat camp
The smart kid at a special school

No_1eddiefan
10-11-2011, 01:58 AM
The thin kid at fat camp
The smart kid at a special school

Ahhh, a Man United fan.

I prefer to just talk about the time we were two leagues lower than you and went to your backyard. And beat you. ;)

Tomsta666
10-11-2011, 02:17 AM
Ahhh, a Man United fan.

I prefer to just talk about the time we were two leagues lower than you and went to your backyard. And beat you. ;)

Of course hes a Man United fan, he's from South Africa!!

VanHooliganX
10-11-2011, 03:38 AM
Of course hes a Man United fan, he's from South Africa!!

Sadly very accurate.

Its like most Americans support United because they're successful. A bit like people wearing NYY bullshit even though they probably can't name 1 player for the Yankees.

No_1eddiefan
10-11-2011, 06:20 AM
Of course hes a Man United fan, he's from South Africa!!

I was thinking this haha! I've been to OT more than most Man United fans. I've been once.

Tomsta666
10-11-2011, 06:22 AM
I was thinking this haha! I've been to OT more than most Man United fans. I've been once.

lulz. Im a smoggie and been twice as many times as you!! 200% more than most man utd "fans" :cool:

Wade Barrett 1979
10-11-2011, 12:28 PM
Stupid Football Injuries:


Lomana Tresor LuaLua will have a scan on the foot injury that has kept him out of Portsmouth's last three matches in the English Premiership. The DR Congo striker damaged the joint of his left foot after celebrating an equaliser in the 1-1 draw against Arsenal on April 12 with a somersault. LuaLua, 25, had promised to refrain from back flips until Pompey were safe from relegation in the Premiership but paid the price for a change of mind.

Dave Beasant, the former England goalkeeper, ruptured his ankle ligaments avoiding a falling bottle of salad cream he had just taken out of his fridge. He was injured for two months.

David James, an England goalkeeper, pulled a muscle in his back when reaching for a TV remote control. No wonder they call him ' Calamity James' .

Santiago Canizares, Spain's 2002 World Cup goalkeeper, missed the matches after he had dropped a bottle of cologne on his foot and injured it.

Rio Ferdinand, the England defender, injured a tendon behind his knee while watching TV with his foot up on a coffee table.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-11-2011, 12:34 PM
It's All in the name:

An Italian football team has been founded by former *Serie A player, Maurizio De Feo. Their claim to fame so far has not been on the football pitch.

The club's founder, coach, secretary, doctor and all 12 sponsors of the "Team De Feo" club, in Serino, southern Italy, have the same name: De Feo. Everyone in the playing squad also has the same name: De Feo. Their home ground can be found on.................wait for it: Raffaele De Feo street in the town.

An unwanted record:

Ex-soccer star Leroy Rosenior was appointed boss of a struggling club - then sacked after ten minutes. The former West Ham and Fulham striker broke the record for English football's shortest managerial reign after being introduced with a fanfare by Torquay United, reports The Sun.

Sports journalists were summoned to a press conference which finished at 3.30pm. Then - at 3.40pm - Leroy was told by the chairman that the Devon club had been sold to a business consortium. And that meant he was out. Leroy, 43 said, 'For it to happen ten minutes after I finished the press conference was a bit of a shock. But we had a good laugh about it afterwards.' Leroy smashed the previous record for the shortest time as manager - Dave [Harry] Bassett's 72 hours at Crystal Palace in 1984.

He joked, 'Obviously they thought I had done a fantastic job after ten minutes and let me go.' The post was Leroy's second stint at Torquay, who will face next season in the Conference after finishing bottom of the Football League. He was boss between 2002 and 2006 when he left by mutual consent. Since then the club has been in a managerial crisis, with four different bosses in the hot seat. Leroy added, 'I wish them the very best of luck. They are going to sort me out a bit of compensation.'

Tasty Transfer:

A Romanian football team is apparently demanding a refund after having bought a player for a transfer fee of 15 kilos of pork sausages. Defender Marius Cioara retired a day later saying he could not face any more sausage related taunts at his expense. Cioara, who played for second division team UT Arad, was sold to fourth division Regal Hornia for the sausage meat.

After the deal a spokesman for Regal Hornia confirmed, 'We gave up the team's sausage allowance for a week to secure him, but we are confident it will be worth it. 'However, a day after the deal was leaked to the media, Cioara announced he was giving up football and had decided to flee the country.

Ananova the News agency reports that he said, 'The sausage taunts all got too much. They were joking but I would have got more from the Germans and making sausage jokes was a huge insult. I have decided to go to Spain where I have got a job on a farm.'

Juvenile Junkie
10-11-2011, 02:11 PM
Ahhh, a Man United fan.

I prefer to just talk about the time we were two leagues lower than you and went to your backyard. And beat you. ;)

no no no no no no,definately no Manyoo fan. I remember that game,that guy who joined Everton scored for Leeds.manyoo fans were singing Cantona songs,Campieones Campieones ...............and lost.

but what the Leeds fans did to Manyoo this year with the Munich related chants was in bad taste

Juvenile Junkie
10-11-2011, 02:17 PM
Of course hes a Man United fan, he's from South Africa!!

No,I have Greek ancestory,Greeks like their La Liga and Serie A sides,continental mentality.

Man United,Liverpool,Chelsea,Man city's london academy are the 4 most supported EPL teams here,a few Everton and Spurs fans.

Barca,Real,Valencia,Inter,Juventus,Roma,bayern,AC Milan have fans too.

A lot of people who don't support a Spanish team are taking Malaga as their "La Liga team",due to their Qatari sugar daddy owners.

Speaking of rich sugar daddies,Greece have qualified for Euro 2012

VanHooliganX
10-11-2011, 03:50 PM
No,I have Greek ancestory,Greeks like their La Liga and Serie A sides,continental mentality.

Man United,Liverpool,Chelsea,Man city's london academy are the 4 most supported EPL teams here,a few Everton and Spurs fans.

Barca,Real,Valencia,Inter,Juventus,Roma,bayern,AC Milan have fans too.

A lot of people who don't support a Spanish team are taking Malaga as their "La Liga team",due to their Qatari sugar daddy owners.

Speaking of rich sugar daddies,Greece have qualified for Euro 2012

Must be nice having different teams being supported in your area.

My small town area is Man United, Hull or Leeds (and then me lol)
Hull City is Hull City (when they start winning sadly) or Man United :(

No_1eddiefan
10-11-2011, 05:04 PM
no no no no no no,definately no Manyoo fan. I remember that game,that guy who joined Everton scored for Leeds.manyoo fans were singing Cantona songs,Campieones Campieones ...............and lost.

but what the Leeds fans did to Manyoo this year with the Munich related chants was in bad taste

See that's just it, the minority that did that got booed and shouted at to stop by other Leeds fans. I won't deny it happened but I'm proud to say it was barely a handful.

But in the same game, Man U fans sang about Istanbul and the 2 Leeds fans that were stabbed to death there. So it's 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other.

Wade Barrett 1979
10-11-2011, 08:55 PM
See that's just it, the minority that did that got booed and shouted at to stop by other Leeds fans. I won't deny it happened but I'm proud to say it was barely a handful.

But in the same game, Man U fans sang about Istanbul and the 2 Leeds fans that were stabbed to death there. So it's 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other.

It happens at lots of clubs, unfortunately! I've listened to Liverpool fans sing about Munich, I've listened to Everton and Man U fans sing about Hillsborough! Just a couple of weeks ago, you had Arsenal fans singing about the Togo shootings! I've been to games all over Europe and all clubs do it, it's not just confined to England! Heck I've been to games in South America and seen fans shot in the ground!! You always get the mindless minority, anywhere in the world but as long as it stays the minority, at least it can be dealt with!

Juvenile Junkie
10-12-2011, 05:33 AM
But in the same game, Man U fans sang about Istanbul and the 2 Leeds fans that were stabbed to death there. So it's 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other.

Thats even worse,because Turkish people are all C#nts.

Juvenile Junkie
10-12-2011, 05:37 AM
And then you get Liverpool who become such drama queens around the Hillsborough tragedy,but pretend Heysel never happened.

In fact Juventus has to receive the trophy in the dressing room,shame,your carear highlight as a player(for some) and it happens like that,that sucks.

did anybody see the Scottish fans booing the Lichtenstein anthem?They use the same tune as God Save The Queen,which didn't go down well in Scotland.

Juvenile Junkie
10-12-2011, 05:39 AM
Must be nice having different teams being supported in your area.

My small town area is Man United, Hull or Leeds (and then me lol)
Hull City is Hull City (when they start winning sadly) or Man United :(

Rugby League town.......

VanHooliganX
10-12-2011, 06:16 AM
Rugby League town.......

Not really. Hull upon Kingston is definately but I mean proper Hull. Not the shit-tip-you're-going-to-get-stabbed-for-tesco-vouchers-land.
The nice area.